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For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. photo | portfolio
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ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

22/12/17 20:17:11

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6574Mr Dome

In the jungle
The concrete jungle
The lying sleeps tonight

22/12/17 22:02:13

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

Kevin got a little delayed on his way to his weekly Narcoleptics Anonymous meeting.

22/12/17 20:00:24

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18899John Glover

"Two hours under the car, I told you the mechanic wasn't fixing the exhaust pipe."

22/12/17 21:22:32

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12388Dan Nicholls

"Times are hard, I've had to take a job as a speed bump".

22/12/17 21:48:58

 
Brian  Malco Vote score: 2444Brian Malco

Paintballers sometimes get bored just shooting at each other

22/12/17 20:32:26

 
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

After eighteen miles, the marathon runner hits the wall.
He should watch where he's going.

22/12/17 20:10:23

 
tony kelly Vote score: 1273tony kelly

Jim's other half finally left him after she discovered he was sleeping aground.

22/12/17 20:07:50

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18899John Glover

Wayne sleep.

22/12/17 21:11:45

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6574Mr Dome

Being a lightweight, Dave failed in his attempt to paint the town red

22/12/17 20:56:39

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10836Smuldo

🎵What do you get when you drink the wine...a ten pound fine and a year's probation...a kick in the head down the police station... I'll never drink the wine again...🎵 (sung to the tune of deacon blue - I'll never fall in love again)

22/12/17 20:07:11

 1
I've just sung it and yes, it does indeed fit very well :) --Vivvy En
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12388Dan Nicholls

Lazy paving

22/12/17 21:48:26

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 809Spycenwolf

Jim: Hello, Doctor. Sorry to bother so early for this, but there is an unconscious man near my house, and he doesn't appear to be breathing and-
Doctor: Wait, first tell me: what is the colour of his shirt?
Jim: I don't understand, how is that-
Doctor: Just tell me, damn it!
Jim: Red! It's red!
Doctor: Yeah... he's dead, Jim.

22/12/17 20:31:43

 1
"Live long and..." - oh, never mind. --ant man
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8040Vanessa the Guesser

As Cypriots often remark, "Aye, a napper".

22/12/17 20:22:14

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8040Vanessa the Guesser

A boneless kipper

22/12/17 20:09:24

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 29241Tony Edwards

Down and out

22/12/17 20:01:53

 
larry G. Vote score: 1242larry G.

He's working his friend's vacation shift.

24/12/17 5:02:26

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

"Dave, about those sleeping tablets the doctor gave you...I think the dose needs adjusting."

23/12/17 0:41:38

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

Dozy Parker

23/12/17 0:33:42

 
John Llamas Vote score: 19753John Llamas

The floor is Cava

22/12/17 23:13:03

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12388Dan Nicholls

"No Martin, this does NOT prove that the Earth is flat".

22/12/17 21:46:21

 
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Runner been.

22/12/17 21:20:08

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6574Mr Dome

Why isn’t he wearing any shorts??

22/12/17 21:03:48

 
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

He had made the mistake of tearing along the dotted line.

22/12/17 20:48:28

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

Take me drunk, I'm home.

22/12/17 20:30:12

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

I always say, in life, leap and the ground will find you.

(nod to Shappi Khorsandi, I'm a Celeb...)

22/12/17 20:21:38

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 21690Michael Winner

Contrary to popular belief, painting a doorway onto the side of a building so that you can run through it doesn't actually work.

22/12/17 20:08:23

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5612Chris Keegan

He used to be out standing...he simply ran out of ideas

22/12/17 20:05:49

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

I don't often drink and caption, but when I do...

22/12/17 20:02:11

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

I like to meditate now and zen

22/12/17 20:01:47

 
ant man Vote score: 1080ant man

Don't give up your dream - keep on sleeping.

22/12/17 20:01:07

 
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