Big brother auditions over for another year. Giles heads for home.

London prepares for Paula Radcliffe's next marathon effort.

He's really VERY friendly!??!

The national wheelbarrow champions were disqualified for a foot fault

'Humph. I don't believe it. After 5 hours deciding on an outfit, 5 other bitches turn up in the same thing!!'

Gandalf couldn't wait for the next Lord of The Rings because the days were becoming realllly long!

That's the last time Bob dabbles with wife swapping!

Keira Knightley decides to to have a dabble at mastermind.

Chi Chi wished he hadn't called his big brother a fluffy ponce

OK. Drug addicts to the rear. Gays to the right. That was lucky!!!

Tiddles failed to see the patio door in front of Junior

Farmer Giles crahsed today due to poor visibility in haze.

David Blunkett's fashion advisor turns cruel after his Governmental demise.

The twinkle in bully's eye make scientists wonder if Daisy's 'snatch' camera will withstand the pounding.

Nicolas Sarkozy arrives for the G8 in traditional French garb.

'Careful Ernie, I think that cork is about to blow!'

'2,1. Coming, ready or not'

Dennis loved his little Shitzu.

Horace couldn't wait to get Delilah in the sack!

#### We are the cheeky girls. We are the cheeky girls..... ########

Aaaaarrrghh. I've got my tail stuck up my arse!!!!

...... especially butt ugly ones with white signs.

"Dark Lord? Force? Control of the universe? Destiny? .... Just give me my money back you f****ng T**t.

Still awaiting the 1st catch, Norm and Brad agreed;, The twat in an orange suit who'd just landed in the middle of the lake, from 1000', WITH A MOTORBIKE!! was certainly NOT a 'fisherman's friend'.

Ducati regretted asking Richard Hammond to test ride their new superbike!

Pete Doherty resorts to half naked mime to gain his next fix.

Right you 2 fags. Which of you plays Mummy?

'McKenna you bastard, McKenna you bastard!' Oh Derryn calm down.

So Deborah, where did the Ostrich shit on you?

Oh, f*** off back to Kansas!

Captain Jack polishes the needle that he is about to use to pop the bearded balloon.

That is one strong f*****g bench!

I put the last bead in with this finger, ripped out the string and............

The weather is going to be showery with lots of Haze rolling in!

Dump the body over there and if you sep out of line again, you're next fucker!

Esther Rantzen furiously denies the myth that pets, especially her 'fido', look like their owners!

It was ventilation day in the Fritzl house

'Night, night son. Sleep well. Be good for your baby sitters, Jordan and Peter!'

The board of enquiry noted Red leader's last statement 'Look at the tits on that lads'.

In the Britain's got talent finale. Sandra's evil kneivel just pipped John's Freddy Mercury's lover impression.

Little Ant & Little Dec are not amused at the girl guide's attempt at humour! Although the fork swallowing act to follow has true potential!

After a shocking rugby world cup, the New Zealand 1st 15 have to hacka for cash!

Gordon and the other brainless members of the cabinet sit down to discuss options over Child Benefit fiasco!

After his daring tight rope walk, Wolfy decides it's time to curl one down on the river bank.

Spank the monkey? Forget it. I'm going to bite his bloody head off!

Coastguards rush to save the beached whale and his pretty flowery skimpy's

There's not enough room to swing a cat in here!

### Woooooh. Papa was a rolling stone..... hit me #####

Sheila's wheels insurers decided it was now time to allow men to take out policies.

Keep smiling bitch. Stand by for the free willy flop!!