From the welcome message on the display it was clearly made in China.

Nigel found he couldn't read his weight while still wearing his electronic willie warmer.

Skateboard with Sat Nav.

Try the Richter scale, Bud.

Of course I'm not overweight, Gloria - the scales say I weigh, er, zero

Jake had long since upgraded his old timber peg.

That's the last time I lend my weighing scales to Jo Brand.

New from JML, "The Speak the Truth Talking Scales"

"Get off me ya fat cow, your hurting me."

Salter bring out their version of the George Foreman. Ideal for grilled sole.

High-diving board computer warns little Tom of frozen pool.

It was nothing that couldn't be fixed by throwing the bathroom scales out the window.

Lance was annoyed that the camera fitted to the footboard of his bed had malfunctioned at quite a critical moment.

The coroner weighs what was left after the latest lion attack at the local wild life park.

if you registered a weight you were automatically disqualified from "America's Next Top Model" programme.

ErrO

Eat Rivita really OFTEN.

"Darling, the manual says it means .... Expanded rump registering Overload."

I just love pretending to be the green goblin. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Maybe I should cut my toenails first

Error - one at a time, please

Thank you for your custom. Your ideal height is seventeen feet three inches.

new scales fitted with 'ethics unit'. Other settings include 'Im not sure how to tell you but... you'r fat'

....well it's a big improvement on "ouch"

"Things can't be that bad. I can still see my feet."

Short for "Eheeeahhhh, retreat right OFF!!!"

From the welcome message on the display it was clearly made in the UK.

Thankfully, dial settings need only the subtlest toe pressure to remove readings instantly from prying eyes.

Cletus took careful aim with his shotgun as the two hairy hands appeared over the foot of his bed again

Instruction manual's very first illustration serves as terrifying warning to chiropody students.

Almost in like Flynn

The main reason why Speed 4 went straight to DVD.

As a kid, when his little toenails were being cut, Joe had always had a fear of amputation.

Oh, that's just my legs

The widescreen version would read TErrOR.

auditions for the new Hobbit movie are well under way.

I told you you fitted it on upside-down - it actually reads OUCH

This digital camera must be ruddy heavy!

Cutting off the circulation to his left foot didn't seem to be bringing Harry's weight down

It was at odd moments like these that Neville realised the less glamorous implications of his high-heeled winkle-pickers.

Somehow, Pete had always found double the usual complement of little piggies crying 'Wee, wee, wee!' all the way home.

Scale down.

On his return from a gig in Amsterdam, Pete Doherty tries to convince customs officers that he is not carrying a quantity of illegal substances internally.

At the following Weight-watchers session, Long John Silver found he'd lost almost two stone

What happens if you can't weight.

Hey you, lard arse, get out of the way, the tide is trying to come in.

Miss steak?

No "weigh" with words?

All this Salter is good for is gritting the roads

Of course I'm not overweight - I can still see the scales, can't I?

To err is human, to overeat divine