Bi ‘n Large

George: "You know Arnold, no offence, but that pullover makes you look like a family bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken." Arnold: "None taken, you pregnant baboon."

Ron Allan's on fire. He's up to 43 votes already this week.

With the financial system in decline, even mafia bosses have been forced to shop at kwiksave.

"So I then tried the Kate Moss diet"

"If you can open this water bottle with sunscreen still on your hands, I'll let you pick from my bag of tricks. You can choose between courage, a brain or a heart."

"You're not John Gacy, are you?"

They're both lunchbags, actually. Main course and pudding.

2 Men get lost on the way to the John McCririck appreciation convention

Alec's chat-up line of 'How’s about it you fat bastard' wasn't getting him any action.

Ant and Dec have let themselves go.

"It's been a difficult time, I lost my wife last week"
"Oh I'm sorry, It must be hell for you"
"Yeah...but it was one hell of a card game"

Ray Bradbury and Vincent Gardenia remembering the old days.

"You had me at hello."

After their free programme of ‘Mack & Mabel Go Shopping’ Leopold and Ainsley anxiously await their marks for Technical Merit.

Unfortunately, the Wear Red In Poole Day had a few problems

Man on left: "My Wife's not in there... Oh Fiddle-sticks"

"Oi! Give me some of those chips and some... Is that the new Prime Mac?"

"NO! Get your own crap knitted sweater!"