"Any idea who's behind this??"

24/01/19 12:36:18

creative

Dear Sir, we will not be emptying your bin due to the following:

1) Large object(s) protruding out excessively.

2) Bin lid not properly closed.

Please correct the above before our next collection date.
Thank you.

15/01/19 18:26:57

Why did the snail cross the road?
Be patient, we're still waiting for the answer to that...

17/12/18 14:05:17

"Come to China they said! Get some exciting volunteer work!!"

15/12/18 23:13:42

"They said I had a leaky roof, but I don't see it dripping at all!"

18/11/18 15:17:36

"I feel like banging my head against a brick wall!"
"Damn, there aren't any around here!"

09/03/19 8:45:40

"TOO SHORT" they said...

09/03/19 8:42:42

"When I say 'On my cue' , I don't mean it literally!!"

05/01/19 21:06:37

Graduates wanted - any discipline, for an exciting new project.
This is your chance to gain some some great voluntary work experience in a foreign country.

16/12/18 17:11:04

"I bought this suite specially to match his pelt."

16/12/18 17:02:39

"I thought they said they wanted 'house sitting', not 'horse sitting'!"

16/12/18 16:58:50

"We're alright for now, but as soon as we get more members joining, we'll need to consider moving to a bigger venue..."

19/11/18 13:19:56

What do you get when you cross a tiger with a frog?

A Trog!

18/11/18 15:45:27

"I was staring at this painting when I suddenly felt very light-headed."

18/11/18 15:11:05

"I'm not going to eat another human for months!"

16/11/18 18:28:09

I'm not in this race for a tie!

16/11/18 17:07:45

Check out the new Microscope App!

Mon 23:32:58

"White Raven calling John Rambo...
Talk to me Johnny..."

Mon 14:34:55

Your flies are undone mate!

21/03/19 23:46:01

"Now pick up all the trimmings if you want to get paid!" they said.

09/03/19 8:57:25

Trust me to get the wrong field!!

09/03/19 8:54:59

It's a Tunesy!

09/03/19 8:50:01

"Im gonna need a bigger mower!"
"The type that you sit on - looks like a quad bike!"
"This is ridiculous - I'm not working for £5 a hectare any more!!"

09/03/19 8:41:28

"How do I take a selfie??"

08/02/19 10:23:36

"Today I thought I'd start with a clean sheet!"

19/01/19 21:01:11

This food is brilliant! If I get tired of carrying it, I can just roll it home!

15/01/19 18:20:21

"Watch the birdie!"

07/01/19 14:37:47

"Save your photos 'till we reach the finishing line!"

07/01/19 10:14:20

"A Director, A Director - my share in royalties for a Director!"

04/01/19 22:54:00

'M': "Bond! I need you to come in immediately!"

Bond: "I'll come in when I've finished the job!"

04/01/19 22:48:32

"I'm not in the mood for a carnival, just a vodka martini or two.."

04/01/19 22:29:48

"This is my quantum of solace moment..."

04/01/19 22:25:06

"Damn! My cover's blown. I should've stopped touching my ear!!"

04/01/19 22:21:02

" Double O breathless!! - there's absolutely no ventilation in this silly costume!"

04/01/19 22:17:47

"Ever since 'M' had me suspended, I wanted to prove I could be different..."

04/01/19 22:14:00

"I just came to pick up my other half.."

01/01/19 13:22:16

April foal! It's made of polystyrene!

01/01/19 13:20:25

I hate my job 'cos they always make me wear a suit! It's just not really me!

01/01/19 11:14:13

"What's this message? 'Dear customer, please help us with our Kickstarter campaign...'"

01/01/19 10:35:47

Man: "Waiter! I ordered Stew, NOT SHOE !!"
Waiter: "Welly good, sir."

01/01/19 10:29:34

"He' been petrified since he had that night-mare!"

31/12/18 11:12:17

"I've fallen out with my chauffeur."

29/12/18 11:27:31

"The design was adapted from a similar one used in Roman times, called a 'chariot'..."

29/12/18 10:14:34

"You've heard of the Fatbike? Well, this is the Fatcar".

26/12/18 10:44:56

This car doesn't get stuck in traffic. The traffic sticks to IT!

25/12/18 16:29:42

My name is Slim Pickens, but I wanna be Rich!

25/12/18 16:22:30

I had no use for whale blubber, until now..

25/12/18 12:57:58

"Friends, we just need to give one big final push up to the top! Are you ready??"

25/12/18 10:36:32

"I've made it to first base. Now all I need is a roof ladder!"

22/12/18 21:14:14

"What's eating you???"

21/12/18 18:39:02

"I'm as bright as a button. Just don't push me!"

21/12/18 18:34:24

Point and shoot! That's what I was trained for!

17/12/18 11:04:31

I'm Hungry. Have you got any more of that frozen pizza?

16/12/18 19:43:21

"I hope it doesn't rein-deer!!"

16/12/18 17:04:29

"He was a good salesman. That's all I can say!!"

12/12/18 11:09:05

"High security bunker for sale in excellent condition. Only requires a replacement lid..."

20/11/18 20:56:31

"They're all training to be bouncers."

20/11/18 18:23:38

"Would you like milk and sugar?"

"Er, no. Just a couple of oars and a harpoon gun please!"

18/11/18 16:48:13

"Give us a wave!"

18/11/18 15:42:11

"I'm going to need a bigger boat!"

18/11/18 15:40:59

Following a series of raids at the Gotham City Foodbank, police still have no clue as to who is responsible...

18/11/18 15:23:51

"The Batman costume had already gone. This was the closest match..."

18/11/18 15:21:19

"Sure I can do a Billy Connolly impersonation!"

18/11/18 15:19:08

Back to the future? NO! Back to the drawing board!

18/11/18 15:14:56

"So I got the position right, but now I can't go anywhere..."

16/11/18 18:25:29

"I'll give you five seconds to get that sign out of my face!!"

16/11/18 18:06:05

"Just before I go any deeper, is it submersible??"

16/11/18 18:03:25

"Food is my friend. Anytime, any hour!"

16/11/18 17:35:23

"From this point on, the climb gets much harder!"

16/11/18 17:33:14

"I'm a big man but I'm outta shape - with me, eating is my full-time job!"

16/11/18 17:24:27

"Mind the gap! The gap between me and my next meal!!!"

16/11/18 17:20:12

"Take nothing but rock samples. Leave nothing but footprints..."

16/11/18 17:13:12