Take 'em all, they're driving me mad following me about everywhere. I'll put the money in your bag.

31/08/18 8:01:17

DOA, is that a good number plate for a taxi ?

02/09/18 12:07:12

Trish 'n chips.

27/08/18 12:00:17

Well that doesn't apply to me thought the miniature alpaca.

05/09/18 12:26:19

Ankle Biters.

03/09/18 8:00:34

It was the worst case of prickly heat the doctor had ever seen.

13/08/18 21:00:21

No one puts Davey in the corner.

12/09/18 8:15:20

He had always been a great fan of Muddy Waters.

14/08/18 8:13:37

Mum realised when she went to collect Melvin that 25 years at uni had changed him forever.

24/08/18 16:59:53

She prepared her own wake before passing over.

23/08/18 20:52:47

He felt absolutely filthy.

14/08/18 20:07:14

It was great to have the kids home from uni but .......

09/08/18 8:15:56

Spiderpan.

05/09/18 21:13:48

Panda Express.

01/09/18 12:01:12

For when you just haven't got the energy.

18/09/18 8:19:15

Can I hear pan pipes ?

07/09/18 14:09:27

None of the junior doctors could feel a pulse, was this an omen ?

30/08/18 8:01:04

The new cola and chips diet is to die for.

27/08/18 8:01:27

I can't palate smoking.

26/08/18 20:05:04

He'd make a lovely handbag and even has built in clasps.

25/08/18 12:46:49

Is this the bread winner ?

18/08/18 14:26:57

Just as you were getting ready to launch off on an adventure around the universe your travel buddy gets stuck in a wormhole.

13/10/18 15:22:06

The Cobra didn't know whether it was AC or DC !

25/09/18 10:00:10

The radio controlled piglet was the best toy she had been given and it also had an everlasting squeak.

08/09/18 13:15:23

She was of course providing a public service, but just hated standing on street corners all day.

07/09/18 8:18:08

OK hun, I’ll be back on the website in a minute, just having a quick fly up.

05/09/18 20:00:14

The new pan that mum bought him to take to uni was ruined on it's first outing.

04/09/18 20:04:25

Sheilas' wheels.

02/09/18 7:27:42

She'd been black balled at the golf club.

31/08/18 12:03:09

This is my "Dad lost to Vettel again" face !!

26/08/18 16:31:15

Cricket keeper.

25/08/18 20:00:52

A level results were out, he'd got a D for drama but an A* for anthropology.

24/08/18 16:52:01

Grassed up.

13/08/18 9:31:14

We can work this out buddy, you help me get this pain in my shoulder fixed and I'll donate one of my testicles to you

11/08/18 8:05:13

The Walker Brothers

10/08/18 13:38:32

"I wanted a long tailed Tit" Nevil said to the demon tattooist

10/08/18 9:01:40

Her husband had let the housework go whilst she was in hospital !

09/08/18 8:05:17

Vincent van Dog

08/08/18 12:23:34

Is there something the matter with your horn Jim ?

11/10/18 8:00:28

Oh woad is me.

01/10/18 9:16:50

Red run......

20/09/18 18:37:02

Steps new CD cover shot !

20/09/18 18:36:25

He loved his new school bag but the straps had broken.

15/09/18 8:03:10

Mum, have you burnt the bacon again ?

14/09/18 13:21:59

The Shelsea Flower Show was disrupted by protesters against plant cruelty.

14/09/18 12:27:13

The smoked glass factory where the staff were worked to death.

14/09/18 12:20:13

Fire drills were held every couple of hours at Marlboro.

14/09/18 12:18:28

Amazing they all went to different schools....

12/09/18 20:22:42

Shoulerlads gone mad !!

12/09/18 20:14:37

The competitors were neck an neck and neck.

12/09/18 20:12:03

I've already sold them, so no parental rights for you.

11/09/18 20:01:17

She had been complimented many times on her nice pair of baps.

11/09/18 12:58:29

She liked the hat but not the matching skirt.

11/09/18 12:56:40

Noel was hesitant about Paul's judging of one contestant's Toadbread on tonight's GBBO - bread week.

11/09/18 12:37:55

The ultimate sourdough.

11/09/18 12:34:30

Betty's secret recipe for Fat Rascals was out.

11/09/18 12:31:06

Roy Orbison suddenly had inspiration for writing The Comedians.

11/09/18 8:30:34

The striped jumper gang were getting on well with the job but know it all Nathan insisted on poncing around with power tools.

09/09/18 14:41:39

Trust Medical ? with an ECG trace like that, not likely.

09/09/18 8:08:54

They were there to help the parents consider their 4 x 4.

08/09/18 20:06:39

Fancy a snag ?

08/09/18 12:54:36

Looks like there was a clock up at the factory.

08/09/18 8:19:02

Snow angels were off the cards for quite a while.

07/09/18 20:44:55

He wished he hadn't said wee.....

07/09/18 20:02:43

Hi didn't need his air bed switched on, he was plastered.

07/09/18 20:01:59

Sister ordered that he was on restricted fluids.

07/09/18 20:00:39

Next, right and the Llamarama drama school is on the left.

07/09/18 12:12:13

Les miserables.

06/09/18 15:20:24

Painted ladies.

06/09/18 13:15:30

I hate floor tiles that are not properly centred on the main focus of a kitchen.

05/09/18 20:29:39

There were queues to see who was on the cat walk.

05/09/18 9:52:11

I think you might need to leave that to cool a little before tasting for seasoning.

04/09/18 21:19:15

Laverbread is very healthy....maybe !

04/09/18 20:01:38

Mum’s new curry had us all panting.

04/09/18 20:01:03

Dan-sing-shoes.

04/09/18 18:59:43

A sneaky beak into the afterlife.

04/09/18 13:42:01

Would you be my birthing partner, I'm suddenly feeling faint.

03/09/18 20:01:32

It’s not easy being the wrong green.

03/09/18 20:00:13

Who are you calling Noddy ? he's the one with the blue hat.

03/09/18 12:07:49

Not quite what hubby meant his wife to get to spice up their love life !

03/09/18 12:00:08

Wrinkle pickers.

03/09/18 8:05:23

Straw dogs.

02/09/18 21:02:25

"I thought I'd arranged a date with a hipster" she said in her complaint to the agency.

02/09/18 12:11:40

Bog log.

02/09/18 8:06:39

Wheeler dealer.

01/09/18 20:08:27

Giant panda refuses to travel cattle class.

01/09/18 12:00:25

The leg ulcer trial had failed. The ulcers didn't heal more quickly at altitude after several jumps.

31/08/18 20:03:15

Surprise, surprise !!

31/08/18 12:01:22

Freshers arrived already knowing everything. Katie was there to identify the rats among them.

30/08/18 20:24:32

🎵 Come on let's crawl to the ugly bug ball.......🎵

29/08/18 8:06:54

When ET grew up he didn't like what he saw in the mirror.

28/08/18 20:03:21

Carotina is a horrible affliction.

28/08/18 20:02:33

He hated being called Pumpkin.

28/08/18 20:01:45

The Irish are hopeless at disguise.

28/08/18 20:01:06

Buck's Fizz can seriously damage your body.

28/08/18 20:00:39

Where exactly are the seven sisters ?

27/08/18 20:00:48

It wasn't me who ate the blackberries, honestly.

26/08/18 12:02:12

I never understood the rules of cricket, is it silly leg off, full on or eat it as a side ?

25/08/18 20:02:39

Trashy, flashy, gnashy, splashy.

25/08/18 15:52:25

Nurse - Curtains NOW !!

24/08/18 20:01:06

Or another version of my previous caption.....

A level results were out, he'd got a D for dressing up and an A* for arsing about distracting the traffic.

24/08/18 19:06:13

Lying in the sun can seriously bugger up your skin.

24/08/18 18:39:22

Water off a ducks back....end.

23/08/18 20:39:16

Ass first !

23/08/18 20:09:57

Duck down.

23/08/18 20:07:44

Eggs easy over.......

23/08/18 20:05:30

Mickey Mouse takes cover for the remake of Fantasia's Sorcerer's Apprentice.

23/08/18 19:02:35

Point Park University, the place for learning watersports.

23/08/18 15:28:15

Ladder 6 playdate.

23/08/18 15:23:30

Diamond Dogs

23/08/18 10:08:19

I've always hated peeping toms.

23/08/18 9:25:56

Astom Martin

23/08/18 8:09:41

"Where's Moriarty?" said Bluebottle to Min.

22/08/18 16:41:16

When I say jump, I mean this high !!

19/08/18 12:19:25

Is he a cockerpoo or a labra"do"odle ?

19/08/18 9:35:04

Eyes down, Number 2.

19/08/18 8:02:48

He'd had a bad run of ill health, the latest was a yeast infection.

18/08/18 12:11:21

Kevin thought the nod to Japanese modernism in the grand mountains build on rocky foundations was, to say the least, f...ing imprudent.

17/08/18 21:35:42

Don't be sheepish come and try our shepherd's pie.

17/08/18 12:06:36

How do we know which way to follow the star, my shadow is going one way and your's the other.

17/08/18 8:17:47

Slim Fast allowed me to slip down to see the fatburgs of the city.

16/08/18 17:32:41

He threw his hat down, the can of Slimiest Fast Fix cleaned the drain impressively.

16/08/18 16:45:34

He loved all choux pastry but his preference was profiteroles.

16/08/18 8:16:56

Un Croc em bouche.

16/08/18 8:01:14

The Pearly Kings.

15/08/18 12:01:15

His new balloon art trick for the kids party seemed to be going horribly wrong.

15/08/18 11:49:32

People always commented on how lovely his hands were which gave him the willies.

15/08/18 8:09:42

Nothing will be able to come between us when they ban plastics.

15/08/18 7:14:35

Gregory was off to have a little flutter at the Casino.

14/08/18 19:02:50

With a little cluck by Wings.

14/08/18 12:34:23

It's fun to stay at the YMCA.....

13/08/18 13:28:54

The Narwhal convention was getting smaller each year due to urbanisation

12/08/18 20:56:18

He felt a little croaky so thought he should wrap up a little.

12/08/18 15:25:45

Just waiting for the Princess......

12/08/18 12:40:36

The teacher in class B hoped the glazier would soon come and repair the damage done during singing lessons

12/08/18 8:59:17

Jimmy Choux casual wear

10/08/18 20:02:31

Horace and Morris loved the summer weather when they could go out without wearing a coat.

10/08/18 13:55:36

Swampy regretted getting involved in this whole protest

10/08/18 7:47:34

Bill loved his wing walking experience voucher

07/08/18 8:57:15