"My parents got me the wrong cereal. You paying attention, Santa?"

02/12/19 20:03:37

clever

More Th>n one Freeman.

08/02/19 12:13:53

"It was a good caption! It deserved your vote!"

04/10/18 19:12:40

21 years later, proof that Alice and the Cheshire Cat didn't just "talk".

Fri 10:26:45

clever

See his grin? Papa Smurf hasn't given him the "actually, we're asexual" talk yet.

03/06/19 19:36:34

Well, that's not a good sign.

20/02/19 20:01:09

lol

Maximus Decimus Meridius, Commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius, and defender against blanket hogs.

29/11/18 12:48:16

It was meant to be a school.

23/06/19 13:07:04

It's not what you think. He was the first to see her come in and he was the first to play dead.

23/08/19 19:45:19

lol

Nothing the nurses did could cheer up the amputee.

28/05/19 11:33:31

The room was desserted.

26/09/18 13:44:56

"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!"

29/07/19 19:00:28

They were both nervous about their upcoming honeymoon in Tahiti.

26/04/19 19:58:38

Up the Pig.

09/10/19 19:22:07

What a way to make Tom and Harry feel like shyte!

10/09/19 19:40:50

Old MacDonald HAD a farm.

19/05/19 20:17:26

clever

Mrs. Slocombe's pussy has been served.

20/02/19 16:32:04

Henry the Death Cap made himself as attractive as he could to lure the man who had killed Meagan the Truffle and love of his life.

07/10/19 14:23:27

A severe lack of Vitamin D has left him suffering from rackets.

17/07/19 14:32:28

"Dear Lord, she even burned the beer! HOW??"

27/03/19 12:23:25

"I should have married the ugly one."

27/03/19 12:02:57

Just look at those two treblemakers!

08/03/19 20:01:12

He was a master baiter.

19/02/19 17:53:56

What a relief!

05/02/19 20:05:09

He'll wake up in good spirits.

30/10/19 12:22:16

Kiss any lower Clara and alpaca my bags and leave her.

09/09/19 19:00:08

Murder most fowl.

13/08/19 19:27:53

Matthew, Mark, look John!

27/05/19 11:02:30

"Don't be afraid, Peter. Point out to me the people in this room who voted for this picture."

15/05/19 20:55:52

lol

"You know, Carl, it's true what they say. 'Once you go black, you never go back'!"

01/05/19 14:38:28

Bad hijab day.

26/04/19 12:10:11

No one wanted to address the naked elephant in the room.

03/11/18 12:00:13

If this is rated "G" why am I seeing cat nips?

31/07/19 19:46:25

You try to be polite but you know the resulting child's going to be ugly.

30/07/19 19:41:05

A woman and a snake. What could go wrong?

08/07/19 12:26:30

Cheezus!!

21/06/19 11:00:26

The second picture of a black hole.

04/06/19 11:23:36

Pacman Jr. lives to regret his parents' anti-vaccination stance.

23/05/19 11:31:29

"Does she take me for an idiot? I find her with this bloke and she says he's her cousin. How is a Flamingo with a Caribbean accent your cousin?!"

10/05/19 11:24:24

"Excuse me sir, do you need a hand?"

19/03/19 12:03:53

clever

You're not you when you're thirsty.

03/03/19 19:19:13

Jehovah's Witnesses will find you anywhere.

28/02/19 20:23:40

Meanwhile the tortoise is winning the race.

06/12/18 13:08:20

Hao to train your dragon.

12/11/18 10:38:09

'Owl be back!'

23/10/18 11:08:13

As you sow so shall you sleep.

01/08/18 13:10:47

Fair grounds for dismissal.

11/09/19 21:10:04

"That's him, officer! Look no führer!"

09/09/19 18:20:35

Downtown Alley.

27/08/19 14:24:52

Al didn't start this journey with brown trousers...

19/07/19 19:04:04

When her daddy's rich, you just go along with it...

14/07/19 20:14:20

Well, no has dumped $500 yet, so it's fine.

14/06/19 11:04:12

When the CEO's young mistress has an "artistic" brother.

23/05/19 11:33:46

Finally! Scientific proof that the only way ISN'T Essex!

16/05/19 11:35:30

Is this disturbing? I'd say sow.

13/05/19 20:06:45

Cruella De Vil finally moves on from Dalmatians.

10/05/19 20:13:49

Benny the horse headed straight for the cliff knowing that he would be immortalised in song.

10/04/19 19:55:46

He tried to enjoy the show the lesbians were putting on but his glaucoma was acting up.

09/04/19 11:49:04

Chewbacca's favourite was "Ms. April".

31/03/19 19:00:41

"I see white people."

06/03/19 20:08:39

"I WILL NOT LEAVE THE FIELD!"

25/02/19 13:32:11

Just two rabbits, standing on their hind legs, telling each other secrets.

18/02/19 13:33:56

"Mark my words, Amanda, you will be first to die when we get thumbs."

29/10/18 11:45:16

Another completely realistic Dr. Who alien.

15/08/18 19:10:55

We ARE going to need a bigger boat.

28/10/19 20:00:51

You know what he can't stand?

26/10/19 12:09:58

Thank you for being a fiend.

13/09/19 13:15:13

"You must be this big to ride."

11/09/19 19:07:46

'Listen to me, that is most definitely not "doggystyle", Karen! He tricked you.'

28/08/19 12:14:07

We are about to witness the murder of crows.

14/08/19 19:40:23

This wasn't the life Peter imagined living with Heidi.

31/07/19 19:38:53

'I'm done ironing your bag for life!'

29/07/19 12:45:12

Send nudes, she said.

25/07/19 20:11:06

🎵"Extended family sharks, doo doo doo doo doo doo!" 🎵

19/07/19 19:01:23

"Day 7: today I had to drink one of my sons to prove that I was just one of the locals."

15/07/19 19:13:11

Authorities have begun releasing photos of victims of the latest plate crash.

23/06/19 19:39:14

He knows when you are speeding ...

13/06/19 21:02:55

"I'm getting too auld for this sh!t!"

13/06/19 19:06:13

What a bluetiful couple they make!

03/06/19 19:30:18

"Domestic violence doesn't always look like you think it does."

01/06/19 13:56:53

"It'll grow back and tighter than ever won't it, doctor?"

29/05/19 11:10:35

Jehovah Witnesses see an upsurge in new members after unleashing their new window to window strategy.

In other news, health officials are reporting a rise in deaths related to heart attacks and 4th degree burns.

15/05/19 12:08:20

Nippleon complex.

14/05/19 12:45:30

And she laughed maniacally as she took everything from him in their divorce, dog included.

10/05/19 20:10:43

He just found out his real father is a bald eagle.

10/05/19 11:22:01

A no nansense outfit.

04/05/19 7:00:50

Life of Pi in the sky.

14/03/19 12:04:08

Not what you think. It's an academy for the gifted.

14/03/19 11:54:00

After the first telemarketer, the !Nhegenghe people began wishing they had remained uncontacted.

06/03/19 20:15:01

Guess he's not Fallon in love with her.

01/03/19 13:23:08

Today's Ted Talk has been cancelled.

12/12/18 20:17:24

Well, that's a ruff looking couple.

03/12/18 13:34:51

"Now you come and say 'Donna Corleona, give me justice.' But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "Godmother." You come onto this ride on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder - for money."

18/11/18 20:10:12

There's always that one frog ruining the family portrait, not looking at the camera.

02/11/18 12:39:51

Different dye, same shit.

Thu 20:00:28

Ah, the feeling of having something cocked and loaded...

09/11/19 20:07:35

'If Ivanka weren't my daughter, I'd use my thumbs like this!'

02/11/19 16:44:38

The new Pantene shampoo commercial is giving me the creeps!

31/10/19 13:29:43

"Hello Instagram! It's your girl Ariel enjoying some post-meal brews! RIP Sebastian, Flounder, Papa Triton, Hubby Prince Eric, Flotsam, Jetsam, Ursula, the ship that struck Ursula, Louis, Carlotta..."

28/10/19 20:04:43

Bill.I.Am

25/10/19 20:22:43

A bit too early for Eurovision, no?

16/10/19 16:19:11

Thankfully, RuPaul taught him how to "tuck".

10/10/19 14:11:34

Jehovah Witnesses WILL find you anywhere!

10/10/19 14:09:39

"Bye, Fellatio."

08/10/19 13:32:02

The serving on the Mount.

07/10/19 19:01:21

Mama Bear and Papa Bear had the most fun at Goldilocks's wake.

06/10/19 20:58:39

Out of the frying pan into the fir.

25/09/19 20:33:37

'Oh, Kermit used to bring me lots of flowers. Oh, Kermit used to dress up nice. Oh, Kermit used to do this. Oh, Kermit used to do that...' this little piggy mimicries all the way home.

25/09/19 16:01:56

🎵 "What does the fox make?!"🎵

13/09/19 13:27:44

Peter's Dinklage.

11/09/19 18:24:39

Slaves to fashion.

11/09/19 13:56:42

"Alright. We get it, Rove. Day 83 of you mourning the loss of your balls."

06/09/19 20:39:24

'Put your hand down dad, the whole team knows she has syphilis!'

30/08/19 19:08:16

I campbellieve this! This isn't a progresso move on their part. Then again, in heinzight, we really shouldn't have expected baxter from them.

28/08/19 14:47:36

She could hardly contain her eggcitement.

22/08/19 19:03:32

Well, I wouldn't worry about getting sick. It's chock full of ant'bodies.

22/08/19 14:57:12

Jerry was ecstatic that life as husband to a conjoined twin had come to an end.

19/08/19 19:19:25

"...diet coke, you miserable tw@ts!"

19/08/19 13:27:45

Feathers of a bird flock together.

14/08/19 19:17:53

B-B-Benny on the Jet.

13/08/19 17:32:55

"Promise me, Mister? That the captions won't be lacist?"

24/07/19 11:37:15

Father of the Died.

17/07/19 13:08:04

Say what you will, he still has a peel.

15/07/19 20:19:31

"Ooh,but you are much too big and thick," Alice said, rehearsing her lines ahead of the big date with Little John.

08/07/19 12:25:45

The chair is a ruse, I saw her levitate to get up there. Time to move house, without the child, dear.

26/06/19 10:31:54

From the producers of "Man flu" comes "How men view simple household chores".

24/06/19 19:51:49

Catapulting and tie-dyeing. These were Dave's passions.

24/06/19 10:48:14

That's so off the wall!

23/06/19 19:34:45

Well, she WAS born a coal miner's daughter.

20/06/19 19:06:04

I don't get this. Maybe I'm just slow.

06/06/19 19:53:48

Ereptile dysfunction.

04/06/19 19:04:09

Daenerys of the House Twigaryen.

24/05/19 11:45:17

How to train your wagon.

16/05/19 19:33:30

With so many beautiful women around, Ethan had a difficult time choosing one dire erection.

16/05/19 11:30:45

Huntera Gatherer no longer need tall man in she life. She take ride now to top of flying cave for better view to help she forage. She not stupid; Man go over to Becky cave too often now. All Becky children look like Man. She eat many bush to help make the children. None come. She better off alone. Also, Man better off staying in Becky's cave the next time he go over there to fix her TV...

13/05/19 15:25:04

High-speed chase scene from MissiNAN Impossible.

07/05/19 13:43:59

After everything that happened at that wild party nine months ago, Richard was just happy his babies didn't show up with gills.

03/05/19 17:48:56

"This, Susan, this is the position, I suggest you try tonight."

01/05/19 14:35:32

Loch Ness Monster and other mythical creatures crack down on photo leaks.

30/04/19 14:44:38

The two in the front live together. They're fatmates.

26/04/19 12:08:01

"Women hot with lunch hot free pony the," dyslexic John read as he drove past the sign bemoaning having gone his entire life without knowing the touch of a woman.

16/04/19 19:14:01

Let's leave; let's remain.

12/04/19 20:46:34

"Where's your neck, mate?"

10/04/19 12:55:22

"This I can promise you, Susan: I'll kill you first. Slowly."

04/04/19 23:08:36

Little Red & Riding Hood.

21/03/19 12:11:37

Thumbing's wrong here.

19/03/19 12:00:50

American kids call this "fine dining".

13/03/19 12:00:27

"If anyone ever tries to touch you in your 'no-no place', dear, quill them to death!"

12/03/19 21:19:58

"Grandma, that's not Grandpa's crotch!"
"It's fine, love. You're adopted."

12/03/19 1:20:04

First the antifreeze in his smoothie. Now this. Leon was beginning to suspect Kara knew about his affair.

23/02/19 21:37:50

"Mother Earth", the new model being used to sway President Trump back towards the Paris Agreement.

22/02/19 12:58:09

"Erase the four, this room is cold. Put nine instead."

15/02/19 20:03:04

9 out of 10 referees recommend flossing.

10/02/19 21:35:36

Everyone else thought Jane a dear but Lisa could smell something fishy.

07/02/19 0:55:02

🎵This is a maaaan's wall but it would be nothing...nothing without a trowel!🎵

01/02/19 12:02:04

This is becoming Ahabit.

18/11/18 14:03:14

People still talk about that bewildering and passionate flamenco dance performed by Ricky and Lucy that fine Spring evening in 1999.

18/11/18 14:00:17

Depending on how you look at it, he's either inspecting it or releasing it.

13/10/18 18:52:55

A rolling stone gathers no Kate Moss.

09/10/18 7:13:09

I am root!

10/09/18 21:22:49

You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the history channel...

01/08/18 13:16:18

"Not the bees!"

31/07/18 13:46:17

🎶"It's beginning to look a lot like not Kansas!"🎶

Fri 13:42:10

I'm not buying it, I can see right through that shit!

Thu 20:02:23

"I know I upset you mummy, but it's a little too late to swallow now."

Wed 15:12:29

This could have been avoided if you had fried her with eggs...

02/12/19 20:00:42

I hope that this doesn't become a habit!

09/11/19 20:08:49

Sisters Act.

09/11/19 20:04:55

They're about to tear the priest a new rector.

09/11/19 20:02:26

Great! Now the Americans are going to think that even our monsters have bad teeth!

31/10/19 13:27:43

Now that I think about it, there had always been signs that I was dating Beelzebub's granddaughter.

30/10/19 20:05:08

After winning the lottery, the Jamaican began making calls to each of her seven jobs.

29/10/19 14:25:28

A common sight on Spooner Lane, Derbyshire.

29/10/19 14:23:16

"What do you mean you are not human? Are you at least African?" Madonna pouted at her newly adopted brood.

28/10/19 16:22:34

Not the type of support Boris Johnson was hoping to galvanise...

28/10/19 16:19:38

At 25 stones thin, Kevin was embarrassed to be seen with his parents.

26/10/19 12:09:24

It was one of those days where Nancy wasn't sure if she wanted to baaa or maaaa.

25/10/19 20:22:21

'So let me get this straight, Billy. You're not cheating on me. She's just your cousin on your deer aunt's side?'

25/10/19 20:12:38

'Come on now, people! No mean comments! Now, tell me Anita, woof woof wooof woof woofwoof woof woof woof wooof?'

16/10/19 16:15:54

I reckon by the puffs of smoke that she's rather miffed about something.

13/10/19 12:40:40

Hairy Styles.

13/10/19 12:38:25

Plot twist: the cat buried him in the 1980s Stephen King novel.

13/10/19 12:37:25

The BirdFather can make you disappear with just one caw.

11/10/19 11:28:32

Forget the caption! Just show me his car. Time for revenge!

11/10/19 11:04:03

"Why hello, Shelia! Lung time no see!"

10/10/19 19:46:46

A good sign to keep 'em guessing.

09/10/19 19:20:12

"Dobby has no merchandise. Dobby is a free elf!"

08/10/19 19:00:14

Sounds hot!

01/10/19 17:05:14

I'm craning my neck to figure this out.

01/10/19 16:59:52

Miss Havisham looks delighted.

25/09/19 15:51:02

That's the look of a woman who just found out that the divorce left him broke and the Pussycat got the pea-green boat, the ring, the runcible spoon, AND the remaining money wrapped up in the five pound note!

24/09/19 19:15:28

Knick knack rice paddy whack give the dogs a bone.

24/09/19 15:44:36

Size matters.

11/09/19 19:07:59

"Yeah, go ahead, take your bloody pitcher!"

10/09/19 14:15:40

"Pssst! I've been heron a lot of rumours about a certain owl and a pussycat."

03/09/19 19:18:59

"On my mother's nest, Sharon, it was one stupid night. That bird meant nothing to me!"

03/09/19 19:16:42

The water didn't break completely all those years ago.

01/09/19 17:01:54

Ma Doublegie and her daughter Lisset.

31/08/19 19:14:55

Google Search history:
"How long for a rodentz to fatten up..."
"How to divide a fat rodentz between a party of four..."
"Is gluten bad for fat rodentz or those who eat them..."
"How to open a cage to retrieve fat rodentz..."
"What name of fat thing that owner keeps in her drawer that goes bzzzzz bzzzz..."

28/08/19 14:55:29

I know an old laddy who swallowed a bird...

Ah, judging from his expression, I see the horse knows the ending to this one.

25/08/19 20:25:20