creative

The other bitch is an English Pointer.

30/12/16 8:09:28

,3sv3ld `3u|losv6 dq,

13/04/17 3:03:52

clever

"Last chance, Siri. Tell me a joke."

26/07/16 1:51:32

"Sorry, we're outta plates..."

05/01/17 8:11:50

The lights were out, and the bar was closed... Someone forgot about Barbara. Again.

17/09/17 19:13:17

"Yes, there's an app to get muscles like this... It's called: Put Your Phone Down, Fatso."

25/04/17 7:20:24

Scrapegoats

17/01/17 8:02:39

"...help us..."

12/01/17 8:57:37

We always wondered how the cat got on the roof.

11/01/17 8:05:13

"Idiot! I said bring me my LARGE reading glasses!"

30/12/16 6:10:12

"Sure you are! And I'm one of the Village People!"

22/12/16 3:46:36

The Past, Present, and the Future held a press conference on the pier... It was tense.

09/04/17 3:09:37

NEVER be the first guy to pass out at the party.

12/03/17 23:14:49

"Nuts. These shoes don't help a bit!"

20/07/16 0:49:13

"Well, love, you DID say a larger couch would look nice in this room..."

13/07/16 7:54:38

East Village People

13/07/16 7:23:45

"...no, sweetie, it's October... now, let's hurry past the nice lady..."

17/09/17 18:35:01

"...today the Pentagon announced it would resume 'advanced interrogation techniques' on suspected terrorists, collaborators, and people who write mean captions..."

11/04/17 16:18:19

Extra Pickles: $89.95

11/04/17 4:03:57

Unfortunately for Jim, it was NOT possible to defeat two police officers from a sitting position using Karate.

05/04/17 5:44:10

She identifies as a Manican-American.

19/01/17 8:24:28

A little known fact: Zebras are very messy in captivity.

13/01/17 11:25:23

"... and the dog has x-ray vision!"

11/01/17 8:09:46

Toupe your bills with, of course.

08/01/17 9:24:46

It was then I began to suspect that professional wrestling might be fake.

17/12/16 2:33:09

"Dial 1-900-MIXALOT, and kick them nasty thoughts..."

03/08/16 8:22:53

"Don't smile. We don't want them to take us for a couple of suckers."

25/07/16 3:56:14

Oscar the Slouch

21/07/16 0:17:25

Caf-fiend

19/07/16 7:58:32

"Always let the clown win. Always."

18/07/16 20:13:41

Pumping irony

17/07/16 11:07:40

"Introducing the new Volkswagen Irony..."

14/05/17 1:50:45

"Remember son, they're ALL crazy. Don't you forget it!"

14/05/17 1:31:33

Leroy was always telling the girls about his fast car and all the races he won.

26/04/17 2:44:00

LOVE these pictures of the unfortunate homeless! I wish I could jump through the screen and (literally) kick her while she is down! Stupid poor people...

26/04/17 2:27:53

After what he got in his stocking last year, Cody decided Santa's cookies would be extra crunchy this time around.

25/04/17 4:08:35

Those who believe Trump can be bought off have never visited his private bathroom...

11/04/17 16:42:33

Fred searched and searched for a more caption-worthy photo... Sadly, there were no pictures.

09/04/17 3:39:42

Never the brightest crayon in the box, Paul never wondered why his wife insisted on rowing him out to the middle of nowhere - even though he cannot swim...

06/04/17 3:18:23

Now you know why Hardee's has a big STAR on their logo...

05/04/17 6:37:50

Weir dohème

20/03/17 8:30:39

Tour guide: "...and here we have the skinned faces of the last tourists who dared to walk across the sacred tribal soil. Please watch your step..."

11/03/17 4:38:55

After 16 years, the Afghanistan War was being waged on a discount.

27/01/17 3:46:39

"... and now, a word from our sponsor: The Illuminati..."

23/01/17 3:12:40

Power to the Pupil!

23/01/17 3:09:39

"Look, it's a myriacycle!"

22/01/17 3:06:21

The Fast and the Circuses.

22/01/17 2:59:53

"And now, all the way from Coney Island..."

21/01/17 2:37:43

After months of searching, we finally have someone to perform at the inauguration ceremony.

21/01/17 2:34:18

These superhero movies get more ridiculous every year.

20/01/17 9:59:34

Somewhere, an angry girl began to burn three nerdy looking voodoo dolls...

20/01/17 6:15:08

Storefrontal nudity

19/01/17 8:09:22

Frederick's of Detroit

19/01/17 8:01:21

Bob was clearly winning the argument this time, even though he didn't have a leg to stand on.

19/01/17 5:37:10

Badyear

18/01/17 8:15:27

"Gleaming the Lifang" (1989) - Rated PG-13.

18/01/17 2:50:19

"My relationship with my parents was often disjointed."

16/01/17 22:29:29

"This relationship has me feeling all boxed in."

16/01/17 8:57:40

He was trying to grow a goatee.

16/01/17 4:33:32

"No, idiot, I said hire the MALL Santa! Not the MAUL Santa!... I don't care if he was cheaper!"

16/01/17 4:28:24

Michelle's checkered past followed her everywhere.

16/01/17 4:19:39

The Happening 3: The Spore Awakens

16/01/17 3:51:53

"WANTED: Experienced jack offs. May occasionally be required to jack on from time to time. Bring a big hammer..."

16/01/17 3:45:18

"Unfortunately, this species is as extinct as a Bill Cosby impression..."

13/01/17 5:29:58

"Hey, look at those udders over there... Anyway, does someone have any ideas about what we can name this town? Anyone...?"

13/01/17 2:23:13

Just for fun, Farmer John liked to run fence around the barn (and turn it on) before he called the cows home. YOU SHOULD SEE THEIR FACES!

13/01/17 2:15:15

"The drive-by shooting went well, until he accidentally shot himself."

11/01/17 0:08:22

"Back in my day, a dimebag really cost a dime..."

10/01/17 23:52:41

Yell-o

08/01/17 9:05:31

"Hit the bricks, pal..."

08/01/17 8:52:27

suicide solution

05/01/17 21:53:26

Doctor: "First of all: Relax... It might be a simple cold."

05/01/17 5:43:10

Jack always got koi with women at the pub.

05/01/17 5:37:44

The Happening 2: The Greenbrier Strikes Back

01/01/17 0:31:29

Tired of Michael's shenanigans, Kitt resorted to desperate measures...

31/12/16 8:09:30

"What? I am exaketededly the right height. Who...ARE...you?"

30/12/16 2:09:07

"Where is Chuck Norris when you need him?"

29/12/16 21:31:22

Islamtrak

28/12/16 1:44:23

Sometimes, you just gotta say fox it all.

24/12/16 23:28:55

"Hey, you try making toys for the whole world without a lift now and then!"

24/12/16 23:26:43

Immaculate Confection

24/12/16 19:29:09

"FIRST, they tell me I can't park my car in the yard, and NOW they've got some sort of problem with my Christmas decor! City Hall has gotten out of hand, I tell you!"

23/12/16 0:02:13

"...and this is the year me and your grandma decided to drop acid for Christmas..."

22/12/16 23:52:37

That time it snowed just before Halloween.

22/12/16 4:05:50

Playing hide-and-seek in the snow was fun, until everyone started acting like pussies.

22/12/16 4:01:13

"Hey, who put the pink one out here? I told you: Only the macho ones go in front."

22/12/16 3:53:21

"...yes, and a big brain, and a big tongue. Think about it, ladies..."

20/12/16 21:51:56

When you want your Christmas card to say: "Balls to you!" But, in a nice way...

20/12/16 21:46:02

Why shopping with dad is NOT like shopping with mom.

17/12/16 2:43:58

That time we let Stephen King plan the Christmas party.

17/12/16 2:28:43

Amphibulous!

06/12/16 2:34:35

"Mom said you lost your balls, they must be in here somewhere..."

07/11/16 8:08:21

No one EVER criticized mom's cooking.

15/10/16 20:56:20

Ready to snap.

15/10/16 20:51:06

Escape from Alzcatraz

04/08/16 4:06:29

"We laugh, however. Oh, yes..." she said. "We laugh at your demise!"

03/08/16 8:05:34

"This is what they sink of me."

28/07/16 0:19:26

Because
Economy
Temporarily
Gutter

28/07/16 0:08:31

To hold her Glock, of course.

26/07/16 2:23:48

...especially at the same time, for some reason.

25/07/16 3:52:42

This whole gender bending thing has gone too far.

22/07/16 7:01:33

"The password is: 'stealmywifiandibreakyourlegs'. No caps."

21/07/16 10:04:06

Uber isn't the only way to make some extra dough with your car.

21/07/16 3:44:55

"I mustache you to turn around and look at me when I'm speaking to you."

20/07/16 7:29:33

“Ya double crossing rabbit, ya cut down your chances... I’m only gonna count to 2, and then blast ya!”

20/07/16 7:21:00

"I'm not lion, ossifer... I'm stone cold sober, I swear!"

19/07/16 22:26:01

Fruit of the Loon

14/07/16 7:13:20

This is what happens when you don't hug your children enough.

13/07/16 4:37:59

Demen-tint

12/07/16 6:26:13

Labor market continues to decline as motivated workers become harder and harder to find...

12/07/16 5:56:57

Antonio often compromised with his grandma about his "gangsta" look.

28/06/16 4:28:18

Jane didn't get scared until the tour guide cut off the top inch of the flyer .

28/06/16 4:23:11

Officer Jackson knew that (if the villain enjoyed tasty pastries as much as he did) it would only be a matter of time before the trap worked...

27/06/16 7:03:29

Something told Bill Cosby he was in trouble when they all showed up wearing sweaters.

25/06/16 8:04:34

The new water sport that is sweeping the nation...

25/06/16 7:43:10

The Munchkins did the best they could after Dorothy left.

25/06/16 6:11:56

Bob thought it would be safer to ride his bike home from the pub.

25/06/16 6:05:07

"... afterwards, no one whistled at Jane ever again."

23/06/16 7:45:39

A peacock and a quail.

09/05/18 2:12:46

"I don't think you dried the shrooms for long enough, bud. I don't feel a thing."

03/01/18 2:51:11

...and you thought Trump was a stool pigeon.

28/12/17 3:04:35

"Dear, we just caught Al Franken trying to slip passed security... Would you mind not doing that so close to the windows?"

11/12/17 21:23:49

"The next day, after being bitten by a radioactive crackhead..."

18/11/17 1:50:44

"...and I'm all out of bubblegum!"

16/09/17 20:05:30

Darth Mall

10/09/17 2:21:48

Crisis actors for the false flag event.

10/09/17 2:03:41

"Got a light?"

29/08/17 1:05:53

"Driver Wanted. Must dig heights."

21/08/17 3:00:39

The bag hes holding is full of candy, condoms, and chloroform."

14/05/17 2:34:21

"This is nothing... You should see the baggage I had to check!"

14/05/17 2:30:49

Remember: Do the chores, THEN drop the acid.

14/05/17 1:44:13

We tried to warn them... THIS is what gay marriage has lead to!

14/05/17 1:37:14

"Does it play dead?"

14/05/17 1:33:52

"In other news, the baby name 'Caitlyn' continues its inexplicable decline in popularity..."

14/05/17 1:27:21

"... and my favorite color is Arsenic."

27/04/17 0:43:32

Nondiscriminhate

26/04/17 23:08:49

"Best Pokemon ever!"

25/04/17 7:40:55

"Ah, the good, old days... when captions were civilized, and the people who wrote them looked funny, or something like that..."

25/04/17 0:58:43

"See... drinking spring water IS for pussies!"

24/04/17 3:32:19

"Not For Maggots"

24/04/17 3:29:07

Tragic Mike

24/04/17 2:41:38

Caution: Bureaucracy At Work

21/04/17 23:17:14

The new Slipknot album is bananas.

21/04/17 7:57:50

Call of the Miled

19/04/17 7:34:33

"I said I wanted to go to The Rub at the Bell House, and this chick takes me to The Club Behind the Crack House..."

18/04/17 4:49:36

I see Vanilla Ice's career is going well...

17/04/17 3:32:46

She wasn't a chicken.

13/04/17 3:18:04

... no emergency pump, either.

12/04/17 7:06:40

"Oh that? The losing salesperson this month has to sit in it all day wearing a dunce cap."

11/04/17 17:12:25

"Say you love Disney! Say it!"

11/04/17 17:06:30

... Goodbye Passengers!

10/04/17 2:59:44

She kept telling herself that she wasn't REALLY a stripper if she came to the party already naked.

09/04/17 3:29:05

I wonder if HER camera contains an interesting photograph - obviously, this one did not.

09/04/17 2:58:11

...turn left at Albuquerque.

05/04/17 8:03:31

In the real world, we're stuck with the Y-Men.

05/04/17 7:07:45

Makishimamu Overdrive

20/03/17 17:14:25

Friday the 13th reboots: Meet Jacinda Voorhees

20/03/17 8:21:12

He was on the fence about it, because part of him thought he WAS a nut.

12/03/17 23:24:49

Everyone was tired, so we padded down for the night.

12/03/17 23:17:41

"Apps? More like CRAPPS!"

11/03/17 4:41:37

Officer: "So, let me get this right: This is your bottle collection, which you happen to keep in your cars floor board, and a really fizzy cherry cola - no ice?"

11/03/17 4:30:58

"Will Dance For Food. God Bless."

29/01/17 20:16:10

In hindsight, the assassin was easy to spot.

25/01/17 21:44:49

...of Cocaineville

25/01/17 21:42:46

He was on a strict diet. Sometimes, he slipped.

25/01/17 21:31:09

The banned episode where Mr. Ed and Wilbur huff the barn paint.

22/01/17 20:51:36

"Trusting anyone else would be illogical."

21/01/17 8:58:45

"Did you ever parade with the devil in the broad day light?"

20/01/17 8:12:02

Fireballs

20/01/17 6:13:40

"Lionel," she said. "Look me squarely in the eyes..."

16/01/17 8:54:48

"I don't know... just cruise around the block a while."

16/01/17 8:24:09

Strangely, rock music blared from the speakers overhead.

16/01/17 4:05:55

Outside the casting call for the new Disney short...

10/01/17 8:17:49

"Breaking Sad"

10/01/17 8:12:34

Whatever propelled us to come here?

10/01/17 1:29:43

[sad music plays] "Please help stop the abuse! It was too late for "Dorito" - pictured here - who would fly into a rage every Thursday when the snack machine vendor came by the shelter..."

09/01/17 9:24:18

"Remember... you broke it playing basketball, and if you say anything BUT THAT - you're gonna need TWO casts!"

09/01/17 8:52:48

Shirt reads: "If you are close enough to read this... YOU'RE FIRED!"

08/01/17 9:08:06

"Wait? 'Cock the hammer back slowly?' What's step three?"

05/01/17 21:47:38

"Make it to go."

05/01/17 8:08:54

"That's not exactly what I meant by: 'Put the car in the shop'..."

01/01/17 0:38:30

The other side reads: "If you do, put the top up (nobody wants to see that)."

31/12/16 8:05:52

Ice suspect you might have a drinking problem...

28/12/16 2:24:13

Thomas hated Sir Topham Hatt AND his new Indian railway line.

28/12/16 1:50:00

It runs on Christmas cheer.

23/12/16 0:04:40

Mexigo

22/12/16 3:50:57

So a few icecaps have melted... Big deal...

06/12/16 2:24:40

Rollin' with grandma.

15/10/16 20:58:25

Always bet cash... No cash, no bet.

04/08/16 7:53:50

Grin-ches

04/08/16 4:09:11

"Here. I didn't know your size, but I took a stab at it..."

04/08/16 3:58:00

As usual, I found using the phone booth to be inef-fish-ient.

03/08/16 8:18:42

And He said: "When you saw only one set of footprints, it was that time I carried you through the subway..."

03/08/16 7:53:23

Sabertage!

30/07/16 23:37:12

Paved with good intentions.

30/07/16 7:33:45

"What? Eating makes me feel less nervous when I travel... Having this sharp knife also sets my mind at ease."

30/07/16 4:55:08

Hanging with Kerala and her sister, Mural, at Krylon Beach. Good times.

30/07/16 0:46:20

"Warning: This product emits fumes that may cause hallucinations, fatigue, or even death. Please wear a proper mask when using..."

30/07/16 0:41:25

"The pub that coats is the only pub you need."

29/07/16 3:42:50

That time we left the beach with the wrong wagon.

26/07/16 2:05:36