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Linda D

signed up: 7 years, 5 months ago
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Once described on school report as facetious. Took me years to realise that didn't mean shit.

I'm a self-employed tour guide. I travel the world and listen to people complain about how it's impossible to buy the Daily Mail in Cuba or get a decent boiled egg in Boston and their entire holiday is ruined because the curtains don't match the duvet cover.

Some of the godforsaken crapholes I work in have very little internet access.

This is my excuse for the fact that my weekly scores will go up and down like a bulimic's breakfast.

Location: Cleethorpes

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captions

Burkha King

12/05/12 20:00:21

I don't know why we eat here. The food is shi'ite.

12/05/12 20:01:03

Freak hurricane leaves a trailer destruction.

21/07/12 20:02:32

Bite thize.

17/07/12 20:00:56

Ooh Terry, you've really come out of your shell.

05/07/12 11:00:57

Jack knew from an early age his brother was the favourite.

18/06/12 20:00:44

At Match.com, you will meet singles you are genuinely compatible with.

13/08/12 11:04:30

Jim is his own worst nightmare.

15/07/12 20:00:38

Pork with Apple source.

21/06/12 20:00:50

Every which way but loos.

19/06/12 20:02:52

Gransvestites.

27/07/12 11:02:32

You must have grown a foot since I last saw you.

24/07/12 20:00:32

Bare Grylls.

06/07/12 11:00:53

Have you had an accident at work that wasn't your fault?
I was told to feed this ravenous alligator whilst smeared in raw chicken.
Injury Lawyers 4U got me �24 compensation.

07/06/12 11:42:59

18/05/12 11:13:53

21/07/12 20:25:26

18/07/12 11:15:11

09/07/12 20:00:15

♪♪ Like a brat out of hell....♪♪

14/06/12 11:01:31

The only thing we couldn't fit on was the mirror, but Denzil's bringing that on his moped.

13/06/12 20:00:32

Kenya see me mum?

10/06/12 20:01:46

Hide Park.

19/07/12 20:12:56

This used to be a great place until it went bust.

15/07/12 11:05:35

Carpe Diem.

02/07/12 11:01:04

It's amazing how low a coke addict will stoop.

16/06/12 11:09:51

Removes all dirt, odours and foreign bodies.

15/06/12 20:01:18

Honda Jizz.

19/05/12 20:10:46

Grandpa prayed the recession would end before they had to eat the other child's legs.

23/04/12 20:04:39

Pity in pink.

20/07/12 11:17:52

Final diary recording:
My exploration is going very well. I have found an unusual new species of bird.
Oi you little bugger stop pecking my water bottle....

16/07/12 20:07:13

Pole position.

09/07/12 11:03:08

Snails place.

26/06/12 11:00:17

Kindergarden cop.

14/06/12 11:00:23

Pour working conditions.

22/05/12 20:01:09

21/05/12 20:00:17

08/05/12 12:31:26

02/08/12 20:00:29

31/07/12 20:00:14

Unfortunately pot death runs in our family.

28/07/12 11:06:31

This should rule out another hung parliament.

23/07/12 20:07:15

With friends like that who needs enemas?

04/07/12 11:00:18

Barry was the exhibitionist, Sid was a little more koi.

02/07/12 11:00:34

That's the last time we use Vanish.

15/06/12 20:00:14

High whisk activity.

26/04/12 20:00:28

Land Rover.

21/07/12 11:02:40

The nap on this carpet is excellent.

11/07/12 20:00:25

Bmi baby.

10/07/12 11:13:28

Sandra, have you been using Bounce in the dryer again?

06/07/12 21:41:26

Fright hair on Elm Street.

04/07/12 20:05:15

Some people really are hoopless.

29/06/12 11:00:41

Will you stop hogging that bloody computer!

21/06/12 20:00:29

Mr T sends his unwanted jewellery to Cash4Gold.

22/05/12 20:00:26

Wax on. Whacks off.

19/05/12 20:25:00

Hot Dodge.

31/07/12 20:00:32

Doolally Lama

28/07/12 20:57:43

This club must have a great bra tender.

15/07/12 11:05:04

Trap Dora

29/06/12 20:04:49

Be back in a sec, love. I just dropped me chips.

09/06/12 20:00:37

Must get around to dealing with that nasty crack in the window.

09/06/12 20:00:11

"Can this machine bear heavy loads?"
"It already is."

22/05/12 11:10:36

We love you long time - for extra fee we even take out our teeth.

27/07/12 11:01:18

Did someone dial canine nine nine?

21/07/12 11:04:44

Chimp my ride.

18/07/12 11:00:18

Police believe they were killed by a mad Axminster murderer.

11/07/12 20:05:30

Brest city tour.

08/06/12 20:08:52

Er, lads, I don't think this 'fight fire with fire' idea is working.

08/06/12 15:56:44

The face that lunched a thousand chips.

20/05/12 20:42:45

Get your boat you've pulled.

16/05/12 20:03:36

Football Crazy.

13/05/12 12:20:15

Remains located of North Korea's first manned space flight.

04/05/12 23:08:41

Big kid, little kid, cardboard box.

23/04/12 20:01:26

Cook before you leap.

27/07/12 20:13:01

Motorhead.

26/07/12 11:08:52

Jacwho?zzi.

19/07/12 11:00:29

♪♪I've got your number...written on the trap of my hand♪♪

14/07/12 20:02:37

They found his body on a Sundae.

12/07/12 11:03:45

I think therefore I RAM.

03/07/12 20:01:17

After you finish indoors, you can clean the outer space.

17/06/12 11:06:01

Topiary of the Pops.

15/06/12 11:00:29

Crimp my ride.

12/06/12 20:02:30

Is this for Rhodes?
No, it's a ship you moron.

12/06/12 11:17:18

Deutsche Bonk.

21/05/12 11:52:12

Everyone finish applying the arsenic then let's hide before those bloody kids come back.

24/04/12 11:28:07

Claire completely misunderstands her optician's guarantee that putting glasses on will make things look bigger.

19/04/12 11:18:26

Quazimotor.

26/07/12 11:09:49

Shit Creek - does that flow out of Moon River?

22/07/12 11:19:23

Gimp my ride.

20/07/12 20:16:15

She would be a better player if she wasn't always flat on her Bach.

17/07/12 11:00:45

Hell ow Moto.

14/07/12 20:06:30

Hello Police? I think my phone's been trapped.

14/07/12 20:00:26

Police suspect he was killed because of a family Viendetta.

12/07/12 11:00:22

♪♪ Heads, shoulders, knees and doze.

28/06/12 20:12:52

Since they built the toilets downstairs complaints have flooded in.

19/06/12 20:00:48

My new cleaner is out of this world.

17/06/12 11:00:37

How the hell did I get roped into this?

13/06/12 20:10:06

Sally spent weeks practising for her passing out parade.

12/06/12 11:02:06

Light headed.

11/06/12 20:00:38

On the down side, I think my husband is dead.
On the plus side, the cat loves the new wallpaper.

10/06/12 11:02:17

Sam: FRODO!
Frodo: I'm here, Sam.
Sam: Destroy it!
[Frodo holds the ring on its chain over the edge of the pit]
Sam: Go on! Now! Throw it in the fire!
[Frodo stares at the ring, the ring whispers to him]
Sam: What are you waiting for? Just let it go!
[Frodo turns and looks at Sam, before letting the ring fall into the fire]

[Pause]

Voice offscreen: Oi! What's that midget doin' in 'ere? Security!

22/05/12 20:02:25

Putting the brat among the pigeons.

20/05/12 11:40:40

Entry position.

17/05/12 12:25:09

The Bubba of Suburbia.

16/05/12 12:28:37

You're under a vest.

16/05/12 11:58:36

Whadda ewe lookin' hat.

03/05/12 22:12:20

Although he was enjoying the game, Mike realised he would soon have to go and empty his novelty colostomy bag.

01/05/12 20:49:54

Andy Murray is determined that this year he will come first.

01/05/12 20:30:13

With no body to help, Janet had to accept this time it was curtains.

25/04/12 20:00:55

Car boot fail.

23/04/12 11:00:34

Freak of nature.

02/08/12 11:02:18

You're the Devil in de pies.

18/07/12 20:00:34

Feels on wheels.

13/07/12 20:04:53

I refuse to take this shit lying down.

09/07/12 20:00:57

It's fairly accurate, but I think there's a double Gloucester.

03/07/12 11:11:40

I think we're ready to float the company now.

28/06/12 11:00:16

What a dive.

20/06/12 11:00:14

Tarmacavity.

19/06/12 11:00:16

Two faced.

17/06/12 20:00:11

Ralph nervously began to suspect he had hitched a lift with a serial filler.

13/06/12 20:06:02

Holy shit!

13/06/12 11:00:14

Jane regretted allowing the captain to show her the ropes.

12/06/12 11:00:48

Bonjour! Ca va!

Quick - call the vet. Horace has that annoying frog in his throat again.

07/06/12 11:21:33

"Keep smilin' 'til I take the photo, Sarge, then you can kick the crap out of her."

17/05/12 20:07:08

When the advert said "For Sale - Dingy" I assumed it was a typo.

16/05/12 20:01:43

Did Donald trump?

15/05/12 21:30:49

"Did you burst your ball?"
"No, my eyes always bulge like this."

13/05/12 12:19:16

Three cokes, two Fantas and a Sprite...shoplifting is so easy in this outfit.

12/05/12 22:04:16

Donald Trump cites his reason for divorcing Ivana.

08/05/12 21:17:26

World's first robotic owl is a failure - experts say it will never take off.

04/05/12 22:59:39

Sexual equality has yet to reach Lilliput.

24/04/12 11:00:57

Man chest her

19/04/12 11:51:30

Sunset Strip.

12/08/12 11:09:05

Victoria's secrete.

29/07/12 12:19:38

You remind me of your mother - she's a complete witch.

28/07/12 11:03:53

Bench Mark.

25/07/12 20:00:10

♫ Walking in the hair ♫

24/07/12 20:06:23

I wouldn't want to cross these guys.

24/07/12 11:00:34

Just another prick in the wall.

23/07/12 20:00:19

Local caravan thief decides to go straight.

21/07/12 20:01:38

Butt in mouth disease.

17/07/12 20:00:14

Tooth heads are better than one.

16/07/12 11:20:37

Enough hostility. Let's patch things up.

16/07/12 11:10:30

Owl in the wall.

13/07/12 11:01:06

Henry loved to show off his wood.

06/07/12 11:01:14

Gobby Logan.

05/07/12 20:00:58

Crate Expectations.

03/07/12 20:00:29

Barry was such a patriot he could even puke in the shape of Britain.

03/07/12 11:00:59

Oh daddy, leopard print was so last season.

30/06/12 20:01:14

This should stop that fox coming in our cat flap.

29/06/12 20:00:34

All our rooms come with en suite bathrooms and executive fried breakfast.

27/06/12 20:00:16

Local disabled charity launches a new range of novelty mobility scooters.

20/06/12 20:00:30

Jenny Craig delivers the food right to your door.
Unfortunately she wasn't driving today.

18/06/12 11:12:14

Drive carfully.

13/06/12 20:01:09

I don't mind doing the Y but you can forget the M C A.

11/06/12 11:09:48

If you think this is normal you're clearly in deNile.

10/06/12 20:04:46

Horace woke up with an orphan taste in his mouth.

10/06/12 20:00:52

Bob always leaves the DIY half finished.

10/06/12 11:00:58

Bob suddenly regretted watching the porno version of The Ring.

09/06/12 20:07:14

The French always did prefer large cups.

08/06/12 20:28:17

This photograph has been digitally enhanced.

07/06/12 11:10:49

Barnet High Street.

23/05/12 11:00:15

One legged man disqualified from ass kicking contest due to excessive use of protective armour.

04/05/12 23:11:45

Mutton dressed as lamp.

03/05/12 22:11:01

Little Bobby Lilliput ponders his fatal decision to play in the sugar bowl.

28/04/12 11:01:37

"Excuse me doctor, there seems to be a glaring problem with these spectacles."

26/04/12 11:41:35

Siamese twin Jake may not have got the legs, but he was smugly certain he got the biggest willy.

23/04/12 20:02:29

One contact lens fitted perfectly. The other didn't seem quite right.

23/04/12 6:40:03

Winner of the "vegetable most resembling a cat's bumhole" category.

13/08/12 20:02:36

The Angel of the North is rivalled by the Angle of the West Midlands.

02/08/12 20:07:28

Flash, bang, wallop, what a picture.

27/07/12 20:03:24

Why are you throwing me off? I only asked the kids if they wanted to say hello to my little pink friend.

26/07/12 20:01:30

He was later arrested for fur dodging.

26/07/12 20:00:54

Weightlifters are unimpressed by the training facilities in the Olympic Village.

25/07/12 20:01:14

Pewperman.

25/07/12 20:00:37

Chairway to Heaven.

22/07/12 20:00:20

She may not look pretty, but I know which one I'd rather be riding during a riot.

19/07/12 20:00:47

After the lottery win, Bob and Margaret loved to invite friends to share their effluence.

19/07/12 13:11:19

Mmm nom nom nom
♪dough dough, dough dough dough♪

18/07/12 20:03:32

Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Park.

17/07/12 11:09:33

Vile Lyn.

17/07/12 11:00:14

The 118 boys realise they may have had a little too much to drink at last night's office party.

15/07/12 20:02:29

Fancy a top up?

15/07/12 11:03:40

In my day we had to make do with a bit of vaseline and next door's cat.

13/07/12 20:15:20

Hello grandad. Nice to see you up and about.

13/07/12 20:08:32

Twot on the landscape.

06/07/12 11:00:37

Just wait 'til I get started with the pressure washer.

04/07/12 11:03:00

Well they said it has added lubricant.

04/07/12 11:02:34

I have to delete the caption?
Back to the drawing board then.

03/07/12 11:00:16

Ali, baba.

01/07/12 20:00:13

Twisted Mister.

26/06/12 20:01:06

During this recession even Bono has to downsize.

20/06/12 20:01:17

Swim Shady.

20/06/12 11:00:45

Lean Cuisine?

18/06/12 11:00:30

Tippy Headren.

17/06/12 20:05:28

Never mind dear. If they tease you about your looks, just keep your chins up.

17/06/12 20:01:49

♪♪ Science fiction double feature ♪♪

17/06/12 20:00:59

Litterature.

16/06/12 20:25:12

Looks like the postman's drunk again.

16/06/12 11:00:57

They used to be famous but they've really gone to seed.

15/06/12 11:00:50

Spring quartet.

15/06/12 11:00:10

I don't care if baba need to do a poopoo, that's no excuse for speeding.

14/06/12 11:29:18

more captions

last comments (total: 36)

Clever. I can imagine the lisp that might result from having one of these in my mouth!

Chris Beach

(admin)

17/07/12
8:17pm

comment on caption:
Bite thize. [Linda D]

I'm imagining, I'm imagining...

Steve Hann

17/07/12
8:20pm

comment on caption:
Bite thize. [Linda D]

Good one but would of preferred Jack. Who's he?

Mark England

19/07/12
12:20pm

comment on caption:
Jacwho?zzi. [Linda D]

I like this but how about.
♪Mmm-nom nom...dough dough, dough dough dough,♪

Lisa Nelson

19/07/12
1:24pm

comment on caption:
Mmm nom nom nom
♪dough dough, dough dough dough♪ [Linda D]

That might work better, but I reckon it needs an extra nom to fit the tune ;p

(caption author)

19/07/12
1:30pm

comment on caption:
Mmm nom nom nom
♪dough dough, dough dough dough♪ [Linda D]

Shocking!

Lisa Nelson

20/07/12
12:03pm

comment on caption:
Pity in pink. [Linda D]

Gimp my ride maybe?

Dan Dan

20/07/12
8:45pm

comment on caption:
Gimp my ride. [Linda D]

On the last day at Glastonbury you've got no choice! The floor in the Portaloo is the cleanest surface in there!

Paul Woolley

20/07/12
10:07pm

comment on caption:
I refuse to take this shit lying down. [Linda D]

duh of course, ta.

(caption author)

21/07/12
12:33am

comment on caption:
Gimp my ride. [Linda D]

Inspired by Dummer Solstice 20:05

(caption author)

21/07/12
8:54pm

comment on caption:
Chromehenge. [Linda D]

more comments

Linda D

best latest latest and best captions

last comments (total: 36)

captions