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Linda D

signed up: 9 years, 7 months ago
profile viewed: 4 time(s) this week
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caption votes given since joining: 556
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Once described on school report as facetious. Took me years to realise that didn't mean shit. I'm a self-employed tour guide. I travel the world and listen to people complain about how it's impossible to buy the Daily Mail in Cuba or get a decent boiled egg in Boston and their entire holiday is ruined because the curtains don't match the duvet cover. Some of the godforsaken crapholes I work in have very little internet access. This is my excuse for the fact that my weekly scores will go up and down like a bulimic's breakfast.

Town/City: Cleethorpes

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12/05/12 19:00:21

I don't know why we eat here. The food is shi'ite.

12/05/12 19:01:03

Freak hurricane leaves a trailer destruction.

21/07/12 19:02:32

17/07/12 19:00:56

Ooh Terry, you've really come out of your shell.

05/07/12 10:00:57

Jack knew from an early age his brother was the favourite.

18/06/12 19:00:44

At Match.com, you will meet singles you are genuinely compatible with.

13/08/12 10:04:30

Jim is his own worst nightmare.

15/07/12 19:00:38

Pork with Apple source.

21/06/12 19:00:50

Every which way but loos.

19/06/12 19:02:52

27/07/12 10:02:32

You must have grown a foot since I last saw you.

24/07/12 19:00:32

06/07/12 10:00:53

Have you had an accident at work that wasn't your fault?
I was told to feed this ravenous alligator whilst smeared in raw chicken.
Injury Lawyers 4U got me £24 compensation.

07/06/12 10:42:59

Torquing Heads.

18/05/12 10:13:53

21/07/12 19:25:26

Suspicious minder.

18/07/12 10:15:11

A shit on the side.

09/07/12 19:00:15

♪♪ Like a brat out of hell....♪♪

14/06/12 10:01:31

The only thing we couldn't fit on was the mirror, but Denzil's bringing that on his moped.

13/06/12 19:00:32

Kenya see me mum?

10/06/12 19:01:46

19/07/12 19:12:56

This used to be a great place until it went bust.

15/07/12 10:05:35

02/07/12 10:01:04

It's amazing how low a coke addict will stoop.

16/06/12 10:09:51

Removes all dirt, odours and foreign bodies.

15/06/12 19:01:18

19/05/12 19:10:46

Grandpa prayed the recession would end before they had to eat the other child's legs.

23/04/12 19:04:39

20/07/12 10:17:52

Final diary recording:
My exploration is going very well. I have found an unusual new species of bird.
Oi you little bugger stop pecking my water bottle....

16/07/12 19:07:13

09/07/12 10:03:08

26/06/12 10:00:17

Kindergarden cop.

14/06/12 10:00:23

Pour working conditions.

22/05/12 19:01:09

21/05/12 19:00:17

Obi Wanker Nobi

08/05/12 11:31:26

A stab in the park.

02/08/12 19:00:29

31/07/12 19:00:14

Unfortunately pot death runs in our family.

28/07/12 10:06:31

This should rule out another hung parliament.

23/07/12 19:07:15

With friends like that who needs enemas?

04/07/12 10:00:18

Barry was the exhibitionist, Sid was a little more koi.

02/07/12 10:00:34

That's the last time we use Vanish.

15/06/12 19:00:14

High whisk activity.

26/04/12 19:00:28

21/07/12 10:02:40

The nap on this carpet is excellent.

11/07/12 19:00:25

10/07/12 10:13:28

Sandra, have you been using Bounce in the dryer again?

06/07/12 20:41:26

Fright hair on Elm Street.

04/07/12 19:05:15

Some people really are hoopless.

29/06/12 10:00:41

Will you stop hogging that bloody computer!

21/06/12 19:00:29

Mr T sends his unwanted jewellery to Cash4Gold.

22/05/12 19:00:26

Wax on. Whacks off.

19/05/12 19:25:00

31/07/12 19:00:32

28/07/12 19:57:43

This club must have a great bra tender.

15/07/12 10:05:04

29/06/12 19:04:49

Be back in a sec, love. I just dropped me chips.

09/06/12 19:00:37

Must get around to dealing with that nasty crack in the window.

09/06/12 19:00:11

"Can this machine bear heavy loads?"
"It already is."

22/05/12 10:10:36

We love you long time - for extra fee we even take out our teeth.

27/07/12 10:01:18

Did someone dial canine nine nine?

21/07/12 10:04:44

18/07/12 10:00:18

Police believe they were killed by a mad Axminster murderer.

11/07/12 19:05:30

Brest city tour.

08/06/12 19:08:52

Er, lads, I don't think this 'fight fire with fire' idea is working.

08/06/12 14:56:44

The face that lunched a thousand chips.

20/05/12 19:42:45

Get your boat you've pulled.

16/05/12 19:03:36

Football Crazy.

13/05/12 11:20:15

Remains located of North Korea's first manned space flight.

04/05/12 22:08:41

Big kid, little kid, cardboard box.

23/04/12 19:01:26

Cook before you leap.

27/07/12 19:13:01

26/07/12 10:08:52

19/07/12 10:00:29

♪♪I've got your number...written on the trap of my hand♪♪

14/07/12 19:02:37

They found his body on a Sundae.

12/07/12 10:03:45

I think therefore I RAM.

03/07/12 19:01:17

After you finish indoors, you can clean the outer space.

17/06/12 10:06:01

Topiary of the Pops.

15/06/12 10:00:29

12/06/12 19:02:30

Is this for Rhodes?
No, it's a ship you moron.

12/06/12 10:17:18

21/05/12 10:52:12

Everyone finish applying the arsenic then let's hide before those bloody kids come back.

24/04/12 10:28:07

Claire completely misunderstands her optician's guarantee that putting glasses on will make things look bigger.

19/04/12 10:18:26

26/07/12 10:09:49

Shit Creek - does that flow out of Moon River?

22/07/12 10:19:23

20/07/12 19:16:15

She would be a better player if she wasn't always flat on her Bach.

17/07/12 10:00:45

14/07/12 19:06:30

Hello Police? I think my phone's been trapped.

14/07/12 19:00:26

Police suspect he was killed because of a family Viendetta.

12/07/12 10:00:22

♪♪ Heads, shoulders, knees and doze.

28/06/12 19:12:52

Since they built the toilets downstairs complaints have flooded in.

19/06/12 19:00:48

My new cleaner is out of this world.

17/06/12 10:00:37

How the hell did I get roped into this?

13/06/12 19:10:06

Sally spent weeks practising for her passing out parade.

12/06/12 10:02:06

11/06/12 19:00:38

On the down side, I think my husband is dead.
On the plus side, the cat loves the new wallpaper.

10/06/12 10:02:17

Sam: FRODO!
Frodo: I'm here, Sam.
Sam: Destroy it!
[Frodo holds the ring on its chain over the edge of the pit]
Sam: Go on! Now! Throw it in the fire!
[Frodo stares at the ring, the ring whispers to him]
Sam: What are you waiting for? Just let it go!
[Frodo turns and looks at Sam, before letting the ring fall into the fire]

[Pause]

Voice offscreen: Oi! What's that midget doin' in 'ere? Security!

22/05/12 19:02:25

Putting the brat among the pigeons.

20/05/12 10:40:40