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"I'm all for open-mindedness, but this is taking 'gay pride' a little too far."

26/09/08 21:49:36

The commitment to the 'Hands Around The World' campaign was staggering, as dozens of participants drown.

05/04/10 14:03:17

Union Jack Clothing Ltd.

Because if you can't be seen or heard a mile away, you're simply not British.

14/08/08 23:42:10

The sordid details of Bob's personal life came into light when private investigators found the semi-decomposed bodies of two local prostitutes in his car.

25/08/08 18:37:06

"I didn't say 'Simon says'. You lose buddy..."

11/08/08 1:46:44

This inflation was getting out of hand.

05/11/09 14:50:11

As a professional photographer it pays dividends if you panda to your customers.

17/10/09 15:02:37

The latest phenomenon to hit our rural areas: Rock circles.

30/04/09 2:13:23

She took to drinking because her last boyfriend used to puncture.

12/04/09 20:48:14

"$300 dollars!?! Well I'm going to have to give them a piece of my mind!!"

27/02/09 13:14:21

Christmas at the tasmanian devils' house.

11/08/08 0:32:52

Personally, I can't wait to see the back of her.

10/05/10 12:52:30

Let's see George Bush dodge this!

12/12/09 20:05:15

Do you suffer from constellation?
Perhaps you should try our new Galaxatives.

04/12/09 17:47:36

"Hello, I read your ad for a babysitter and..." [Door slams]

14/10/09 15:40:15

Local doctors humbly accepted the notion that Daniel had "fallen on the chicken".

19/07/09 18:21:57

Elmer Fudd lights a cigarette and admires a job well done.

14/06/09 14:07:17

"Let's give it up George, I don't think crabs pull fingers."

13/06/09 14:21:09

"We'll have that camera out of you in no time." said the gynaecologist.

15/04/09 8:32:29

Top Headlines: Wilson Sport have recalled 15,000 tennis balls following reports that they were turning on their owners.

15/04/09 5:46:21

"You're just lucky I forgot my pen!"

01/04/09 13:53:39

As a teacher, it is important to keep an eye on your pupil.

01/04/09 11:41:08

The Leaning Power of Teresa.

20/02/09 5:46:57

I think I speak on behalf on all heterosexual males when I say: "Thank God he isn't reading an erotic thriller!"

06/11/08 5:16:23

The stakeout of the cabbage patch kids was a long and grueling venture, but the underground drug rings which plagued these yards would never have been brought down without such operations.

29/09/08 15:57:49

"... and this rittle piggy went reee reeee reeee all da ray home!"

11/08/08 1:00:48

Can't Cook, Won't Cook Asia
"And what ingredients did you two bring to the show?"

07/04/10 16:08:57

I love these new drive-thru's!

09/01/10 14:52:54

Little Daniel didn't care what he got for Christmas, as long as it was hers.

28/12/09 17:15:28

You can just feel the irony!

12/12/09 23:25:53

Sorry mate, does your cubicle have toilet paper? Nice boxers. What's that look for?

05/12/09 11:52:31

The Holy Bible for Dummies

02/12/09 20:38:38

You sneak in round the back, I'll keep the guard-dog busy..

17/11/09 11:53:36

The Winter is this vigilante's greatest villian.

31/10/09 14:30:22

"So how's your mum's heart doing?"
"Bit worried, she's due for jurassic surgery on Tuesday."

26/10/09 7:32:07

Maybe it's the fumes talking, but working for Dulux is the jest bob ever!

02/10/09 5:18:22

Dr. Who, senile with age, was in the wrong place for two reasons.

26/09/09 11:39:51

The complex evolutionary cycle of the Loiterer.

20/08/09 8:41:00

It was the single most perfect ear Gareth had ever laid his eyes upon.

29/06/09 8:45:44

Answer to last week's Spot The Ball competition.

26/06/09 12:26:44

Cerberus was a cute puppy.

25/06/09 11:56:53

Space-tourism did have its minor setbacks.

25/06/09 0:16:22

Despite his loud engine, aggressive outward appearance and an unfriendly tone of voice, Ahmed was determined to spread the word of Incy Wincy Spider to anyone he encountered.

20/06/09 20:53:15

In response to a number of horrible accidents, the minimal age for watching '300' was raised to 28 years.

13/06/09 11:51:53

If a cockatoo has two balls, what should a canine have?

09/05/09 11:53:26

"We don't have a case Mr. T, the label clearly says: This muscle enhancement may cause a melanin deficiency." explained his lawyer.

28/04/09 22:30:40

"Let's go to bed, luv" said George to his right hand.

28/04/09 17:08:03

Neil is thrilled he logged onto family-reunited.com when he did.. his long lost brother, Isaac, is less convinced.

20/04/09 10:39:43

"A living doll? I believe I still have one of them in the loft from my bachelor night." said Mr. Blow-up Doll.

17/04/09 1:25:58

Secretly Danny aspired to leaving his job at the Daz testing facility and become a dancer.

14/04/09 8:58:17

Dear Santa,

I didn't want clothes for Christmas, and you didn't want anthrax. So now we're even.

Yours faithfully,
Malcolm.

20/03/09 17:39:12

Introducing the all new Electroshock Password Protection Device™

Don't just lock 'em out, shock 'em out

26/02/09 10:40:23

Sponsored by Shell

26/02/09 9:06:46

'Bring Your Daughter To Work Day' at the Olympic Hammerthrow training ground.

25/02/09 13:26:14

Turned out to be just a flash in the can.

20/02/09 5:48:13

"Now before I get him ready to go atop the Christmas tree, would anyone like to say goodbye?"

07/11/08 0:12:37

A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
Well don't you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word

[repeat to fade]

04/11/08 13:48:47

"Sir, will you please find another spot to change your baby.. thanks"

03/11/08 22:29:10

"..on second thoughts Steve let's go with the canary idea, I have a son for christ sake..."

01/11/08 22:03:21

Cop 1: "I can't dance, I can't talk, only thing about me is..."
Cop 2: "I'll stop you there Phil, I still have no idea who Genesis were!"

12/10/08 15:51:43

This WAS a very naughty photo, amazing what you can do with Photoshop.

25/08/08 17:43:33

"So which of you is the 'funny twin'?"

03/11/08 2:21:37

"I wouldn't be caught dead masturbating."

18/08/08 11:11:58