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"Dont spose you could pass me that gun beside you?"
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Troompa Loompa Vote score: 21212Troompa Loompa

"Don't s'pose you could pass me that gun beside you?"

18/04/21 20:11:21

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8608James Lennox

"No, sorry, I'm Buddhist, I think you'll find Christians in the next tent."

18/04/21 20:20:46

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8608James Lennox

When you put it that way, no, I have no problem with cat pictures on caption.me

18/04/21 20:27:11

 
Ron  Allan Vote score: 5548Ron Allan

Lion.."Bloody keepers get lazier every day. Now they're not even bothering to take our meals out of the Oven-Bags".

18/04/21 21:38:21

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15098Dave Bryan

''Hello, Mr Lion. In the morning I posted 'Superglue is always funny'. At lunchtime I followed this with 'How will I recognise you'. Finally, at 8.00pm, I typed 'Scribbling rivalry'.''

''I'd eat this tosser but he'd keep repeating on me.''

18/04/21 20:41:19

 5
I think I might have been the one responsible for starting those first two. After all these years, I'm still not apologising. --Michael Winner
The Wolf Vote score: 12580The Wolf

"What the hell do you think you're doing in my litter tray?"

18/04/21 20:39:46

 
Tony S Vote score: 2310Tony S

Luckily being read passages from a Katie Price Autobiography sent him to sleep quicker than the tranquilliser dart

18/04/21 20:29:50

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3672Scrijjy Doo

Blood-soaked Rifle for Sale, never fired.

18/04/21 20:20:12

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24483Michael Winner

*whisper* "Lost tourists are the chicken McNuggets of the Serengeti."

18/04/21 21:16:49

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

“Hunting me ALONE? Have you no pride?...”

19/04/21 0:31:27

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15098Dave Bryan

''What's the magazine?''

''Reader's Digest.''

''That's a coincidence, I digest readers.''

18/04/21 20:23:02

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3672Scrijjy Doo

"I picked the wrong day for tuna cologne."

18/04/21 20:20:51

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3228Mark Wilson

Libraries have got tougher on overdue book fines, so I'm here to collect or else

18/04/21 23:32:39

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7779Vivvy En

"Does your book tell you what I'm having for dinner?"

18/04/21 20:26:26

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 34122Tony Edwards

"Doctor Livingstone, I presume?"

18/04/21 20:12:56

 6
"Doctor Dyingsoon I presume?" --Troompa Loompa
The Wolf Vote score: 12580The Wolf

"Erm, ok. On a positive note, I no longer need to find the toilet block"

18/04/21 20:09:04

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

“SIX FEET please...”

19/04/21 0:30:05

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 990Charles Gilbert

This year's pride parade wasn't at all what Frank expected.

18/04/21 22:11:50

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 16876Stephen Bean

"Remember me from yesterday? Well, I've got one life left..."

18/04/21 21:06:40

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 16876Stephen Bean

"So you're the one called Schrödinger. I've been hearing a few things about you."

18/04/21 20:59:30

 1
We're going to need a bigger box. --Willie Johnson
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11915Neil Mackenzie

I usually eat out, but I can eat in for a change.

18/04/21 20:38:11

 
Molly R Vote score: 2893Molly R

Loitering with in tent.

18/04/21 20:30:54

 2
"within" might be better. --Willie Johnson
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

[Cough...Cough Cough....Cough Cough Cough..........Cough................]

19/04/21 7:13:21

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

Lion escapes zoo, finally captioned

19/04/21 0:52:12

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 15363Vanessa the Guesser

He told friends he was going to see The Killers at Glastonbury.

18/04/21 20:32:25

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 21212Troompa Loompa

"Before you eat me any chance you could let me finish my book, Reincarnation for Dummies?"

18/04/21 20:28:12

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3672Scrijjy Doo

"Looks like I won't be needing my zoom lens."

18/04/21 20:18:27

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 966Ellen Duncalf

Your wife sent me to tell you that she knows you’re up to no good on that laptop of yours. Shooting lions? Likely story.

18/04/21 20:17:17

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 344SnapDragon D

“Oh, thanks for asking. It’s a book on lion hunting.. sounds so exciting! Probably should have spent extra for the glossy version with pictures… haven’t the faintest idea what they even look like.. do you?”

18/04/21 20:00:32

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3228Mark Wilson

Piss off and eat somebody else. Do you know who I am? I'm THE David Attenborough!

19/04/21 8:29:42

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

"Quick question: Where do you stand on gun control?"

19/04/21 7:28:54

 1
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

"Now - before you pounce - can I introduce you to my wife?"

19/04/21 7:24:54

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

"Says RIGHT HERE we're an endangered specie."

19/04/21 7:10:55

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

"Nice to meet you, and the HYENAS behind you......"

19/04/21 6:39:04

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

“Just’a minute, I’m reaching the end.”

19/04/21 0:59:53

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

“Hold it, I’m divorced VERY bitter.”

19/04/21 0:39:38

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6789Greg Curtis

“Stay back I have an erection.”

19/04/21 0:34:42

 
Ryan French Vote score: 98Ryan French

We thought danile was stupid to walk into the lion's den. Now we have people camping in the fucker.

19/04/21 0:31:07

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 990Charles Gilbert

"Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Bastet?"

18/04/21 22:10:45

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24483Michael Winner

"A Minnesota dentist, you say?"

18/04/21 21:13:03

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24483Michael Winner

"Before we start, do you mind telling me if you have a goldfish in there?"

18/04/21 21:11:13

 
Tony S Vote score: 2310Tony S

Ah King of the jungle i know you have been on our dating app for a while but I am pleased to say a queen has recently become available.

18/04/21 21:01:33

 
Tony S Vote score: 2310Tony S

Yes I ate the actors playing Timon and pumbaa what do you have to say about it

Hakuna matata

18/04/21 20:52:31

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11915Neil Mackenzie

You haven’t seen a Witch and a Wardrobe anywhere around here?

18/04/21 20:36:43

 
Molly R Vote score: 2893Molly R

"That's a juicy looking leg, and it's already been peeled for me."

18/04/21 20:31:07

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 8078Glyn Evans

"Without your gun, who's the tough guy now?"

18/04/21 20:30:45

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3228Mark Wilson

When the hunter becomes the hunted

18/04/21 20:25:31

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11845Mr Dome

It's just a big game

18/04/21 20:24:43

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4774Crunchy Chords

Lion: "Hello hello hello, what's all this then? Illegal possession of a firearm, with evil in tent?"

18/04/21 20:22:57

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 21212Troompa Loompa

Pride comes before a maul.

18/04/21 20:20:56

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 21212Troompa Loompa

Pith off! I'm trying to read."

18/04/21 20:17:41

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3672Scrijjy Doo

"Nice kitty."

18/04/21 20:16:59

 
Mark England Vote score: 18441Mark England

"What do you mean, you've forgotten to pack my sleeping bag? How am I supposed to sleep tonight?"

18/04/21 20:16:20

 
The Wolf Vote score: 12580The Wolf

Camping holiday available in field adjacent to Longleat Safari Park. Due to previous problems, we strongly advise that you erect your tent in daylight hours.

18/04/21 20:16:06

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 21212Troompa Loompa

"What you reading?...The Jungle Book, I love that one."

18/04/21 20:15:07

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 16876Stephen Bean

"So you weren't going to shoot me eh? Say that again to ma fasa."

18/04/21 20:12:29

 
Al Overy Vote score: 5952Al Overy

"Mr Smith?"

"Yes?"

"I've got delivery of lion crap for your roses. Where do you want it?"

18/04/21 20:08:34

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1266alexandra ball

He'd been lion in wait.

18/04/21 20:08:17

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7779Vivvy En

"You'd better not have anyone in there, or Elsa..."

18/04/21 20:08:10

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 25295Ian Skelding

"Hi Mr Palmer, just a scrape and polish please."

18/04/21 20:03:48

 
The Wolf Vote score: 12580The Wolf

"Are you coming in or what?"

18/04/21 20:03:48

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 344SnapDragon D

Do you feel lucky, punk?

18/04/21 20:01:59

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8299Hercules Rockefeller

In-tents encounter

18/04/21 20:01:37

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 16876Stephen Bean

"Don't worry, I'm not here to eat you. I'm just looking for a wardrobe."

18/04/21 20:01:28

 
Nina Dutton Vote score: 427Nina Dutton

Mavis felt lucky that she secured her pitch next to the golden lion.

18/04/21 20:01:11

 
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