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"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"
"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!" photo | portfolio
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Al Overy Vote score: 4774Al Overy

"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"

16/02/21 8:00:07

 3
"Listen, all I need you to do is find me 25 more votes, or I won't like you as much. Stop the steal." Signed, anon voter --Willie Johnson
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14728Vanessa the Guesser

"Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

"Good Morning, Lockjaw Helpline, Trudy speaking, how may I help?"

16/02/21 8:16:15

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

Some people are just not cut out for working at the Samaritans

16/02/21 8:15:50

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24472Ian Skelding

Scold caller

16/02/21 8:43:52

 
Molly R Vote score: 2639Molly R

"Listen to me, Specsavers - if I knew where my glasses were, I wouldn't need an urgent appointment!"

16/02/21 8:09:35

 1
How did he see to dial? --Willie Johnson
Chris Keegan Vote score: 10350Chris Keegan

"TO EVERYONE LISTENING TO THIS RECORDING OF MY CALL 'FOR QUALITY AND TRAINING PERPOSES' GO AND WORK FOR A COMPANY WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING!!!!!"

16/02/21 9:18:22

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 15597Stephen Bean

"Just get the Invisible Man his ransom money before he breaks the rest of my fingers!"

16/02/21 8:00:13

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7931Hercules Rockefeller

"Can you hear me now?"

16/02/21 8:28:11

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14728Vanessa the Guesser

When making international calls, please remember to SHOUT and speak very slowly.

16/02/21 8:05:55

 1
Yes because the first step to being understood is speaking even louder than before and constant repetition. If they didn't get it the first time they should totally get it the four hundredth and twenty sixth time, it comes naturally to any foreig... --Glyn Evans
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11705Neil Mackenzie

Who won the F1 World Drivers' Championship, in 1975, 1977 and 1984?
Lauda
I SAID, WHO WON THE F1...

16/02/21 20:34:24

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7431Vivvy En

Wake-up call

16/02/21 8:51:22

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

Get a zoom..

16/02/21 8:31:40

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

Due to covid, the BBC holds this years auditions for The Voice over the phone.

16/02/21 8:27:52

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11774The Wolf

"Colin, we won't tell you again. Stop singing Westlife songs and just ask them whether they need the Police, an ambulance or the fire brigade"

16/02/21 8:18:01

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1468Dot Old

"Pardon?"

"I SAID 'AT THE FIRST STROKE IT WILL BE 8 HOURS, 5 MINUTES AND 30 SECONDS' YOU IDIOT."

16/02/21 8:06:00

 
Endeavour 2 Persevere Vote score: 123Endeavour 2 Persevere

John's dentist was only working remotely now.

16/02/21 8:04:13

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8058James Lennox

"For the last time ET, wrong number!"

16/02/21 8:14:01

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24472Ian Skelding

Call of the Wild

16/02/21 8:12:28

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4774Al Overy

"Where the hell have you hidden my glasses, you cow?!"

16/02/21 8:00:41

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21440John Glover

Dave often has telephone sex, looks like he's having an orgasm.

16/02/21 12:28:36

 1
Is that because he's pressed the right buttons?  --Glyn Evans
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11447Mr Dome

Well just saying you sound nothing like Dave, and why are you not trying to sell me anything but want to ask me 3 simple questions?

16/02/21 9:31:53

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

2050 and a museum curator demonstrates how people used to communicate.

16/02/21 8:30:15

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24472Ian Skelding

"I'm not sure allowing Dave a dummy phone in his padded cell was a good idea Sir."

16/02/21 8:16:16

 
Molly R Vote score: 2639Molly R

"Mummy, my right hand's gone so wonky I daren't look at it!"

16/02/21 8:08:55

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7795Glyn Evans

"Sell!! Sell! Sell!"
"No, mate this is a landline"

16/02/21 8:06:46

 
Tony S Vote score: 1399Tony S

So why are you moaning if everythings all white.

16/02/21 8:06:33

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

"I don't know what bloody emergency service I require, but I've caught my neck skin in my zipper, so just send help quick"

16/02/21 12:09:27

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5407Kenny Ireland

"WELL TELL HER TO STAND CLOSER TO THE PHONE".

16/02/21 12:02:56

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 15597Stephen Bean

"'Where's your bloody superglue' you ask."

"YOU LEFT IT NEXT TO MY CONTACT LENS CLEANING FLUID YOU B*STARD!"

16/02/21 11:36:27

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2534Willie Johnson

Way to go Carl, one more arm curl rep and you can hang up the phone and end this session of remote workouts. Don't forget to cool down.

16/02/21 11:34:44

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5407Kenny Ireland

"HEARING IMPAIRMENT CENTRE. HOW CAN I HELP YOU ?"

16/02/21 11:31:19

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5407Kenny Ireland

Loudspeaker.

16/02/21 11:30:31

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1103alexandra ball

No I never had ppi!!!

16/02/21 10:21:03

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 828Ellen Duncalf

The moment Cassie realised that Daryl’s remote relaxation session wasn’t going as well as she had hoped.

16/02/21 10:10:00

 
Peter Houle Vote score: 292Peter Houle

1992. Always on the cutting edge of technology, Dave attempts a self-photograph.

16/02/21 10:03:09

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33732Tony Edwards

Crossed line

16/02/21 9:48:09

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11447Mr Dome

🎵 you don't know how to ease my pain
You make me wanna cryyyyyyyyyy

16/02/21 9:37:44

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8058James Lennox

Eating bananas helps improve poor eyesight.

16/02/21 8:25:49

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 14011Dave Bryan

''I'm sorry, all our phones are busy right now, especially the green one in the corner that is sorting out the filing cabinet.''

16/02/21 8:12:42

 
Endeavour 2 Persevere Vote score: 123Endeavour 2 Persevere

Loud mouth.

16/02/21 8:11:12

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4774Al Overy

"Alexa! For the fiftieth time, PLAY CALMING MUSIC!!"

16/02/21 8:01:27

 
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