Slag them off all you want, but North Korea's Covid quarantine procedures are bloody effective.

11/10/20 19:00:12

If your best man works for NASA, don't let him arrange the stag do.

11/10/20 19:03:14

"Shit, did I leave the stove on?"

11/10/20 19:01:33

lol

To give you an idea of how far out I am, Beckham's penalty from the euros in 2004 has just passed me!

11/10/20 21:58:33

"In space, no one can hear you scream. Maybe I'll just give it a go anyway..."

11/10/20 19:59:29

2020 Hide and seek champion.

11/10/20 19:01:59

“REALLY, y’didn’t go before you left?”

11/10/20 20:30:55

"I think the springs on the trampoline are a bit too taut Dave."

11/10/20 19:10:27

You wait ages for a space shuttle then three comet once.

11/10/20 19:05:28

"Can you hear me, Houston? I have a problem. I've lost contact with the shuttle, can you help me?...Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have shagged the Control Room Manager's daughter before I left Earth"

11/10/20 19:00:57

Memo to oneself..Return Sat Nav to Lidl

12/10/20 1:33:29

Typical male. He wouldn't stop to ask for directions.

11/10/20 23:05:51

President of the Flat Earth Society gets ready to take the first ever photo of Earth's edge.

11/10/20 22:25:43

The last surviving human after Covid-19, 20, 21…….40 and 41... and yes, his name is Dave.

11/10/20 19:33:18

"C'mon guys, I was just clearing my throat. Guys?"

11/10/20 19:02:09

11/10/20 19:00:20

When Pete got a job as a professional cameraman for kid’s TV, he was really excited to find out that his first assignment would be filming a new series of the Clangers............ Until they told him it was on location.

14/10/20 15:06:53

"Quick! get me back, I've thought of a caption."

11/10/20 20:06:09

11/10/20 19:02:51

"How's the space walk going Bob?"
"Err, Houston we have a problem."
"What's that Bob?"
"You know our space station uses stealth fighter technology to be invisible to the Ruskies?"
"Yep."
"How the f-ck am I supposed to find it?"

11/10/20 19:01:27

Taking a space walk is a quick way to find out how popular you are with your 'friends'.

11/10/20 19:00:46

Dave wished he'd told NASA about his sleep walking problem.

11/10/20 19:00:26

11/10/20 19:00:07

"It's always at the worst possible time I get an itchy bum."

12/10/20 5:47:48

"Houston, be honest, does my bum look big in this?"

11/10/20 23:20:02

"Finally, some space where I can breathe"

11/10/20 20:01:09

"So, Colonel Dare, now you are condemned to spend eternity drifting in the wilderness of deep space, perhaps you regret calling the Mekon a big girl's blouse?"

11/10/20 19:51:39

"OK, lifeline retraction at the ready."
"Lifeline? Damn, I knew there was something I'd forgotten."

11/10/20 19:49:41

"Mum? I still can't find the vacuum, you're sure it's up here somewhere?"

11/10/20 19:20:49

"At last, I've found my final front ear!"

11/10/20 19:18:19

"Is this it?" thought Dave. "There's nothing here. What a waste of space."

11/10/20 19:17:07

2020: A Social Distancing Odyssey

11/10/20 19:13:34

"Why the hell did I have the beans for lunch?"

11/10/20 19:03:13

"We all float up here Richie."

11/10/20 19:02:19

If you want to get along with your colleagues in an enclosed space, it is advisable not to fart too often.

11/10/20 19:00:10

Space has never been so far away

22/10/20 11:22:00

Kevin, aged 32 from Kidderminster was reported missing on 12th June in the middle of filming an episode of ”Don’t Tell the Bride.”
His distraught bride-to-be said his last words to her we're ”your big day will be the out of this world experience you have always dreamt of.”

12/10/20 8:44:47

Could you please just give me an address? Maybe the nearest cross street? And how will I recognize you?

11/10/20 23:09:26

The only safe place for Trump if he loses the election.

11/10/20 23:00:44

" Houston, it's no use, it would seem Major Tom Ato has already landed on Earth"

11/10/20 21:54:01

“.....and don’t come till you’ve got a job!!!”

11/10/20 20:39:47

“With everything going on, he’s just trying to get some perspective..”

11/10/20 20:29:30

Cher threatened to go to Venus if Trump won in 2016, but she only set off when he won in 2020.

11/10/20 20:04:38

"Sir Richard Branson to Virgin Galactic, where are you going?"

11/10/20 19:58:28

"Where's the bloody toilets?"

11/10/20 19:57:25

"Where's the Moon?"
"You don't think I'm going to take off my space suit trousers off here do you?"

11/10/20 19:29:46

Snog? Marry? A Void?

11/10/20 19:18:37

As Dmitry waited for Katya to join him, he had a feeling that the chances were not good for this first ever attempt at sex in space.

11/10/20 19:10:50

"ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKiiiiiinnndd..."

11/10/20 19:08:00

"Top of the morning to you, literally"

11/10/20 19:06:22

"Bloody ejector seats!"

11/10/20 19:05:59

Astronut

11/10/20 19:05:18

🎶 Fly me to the moon 🎶

11/10/20 19:01:55

Dave vowed never to play Blind Man's Bluff with his fellow astronauts again.

11/10/20 19:01:14

"Boris is raising lockdown far too quickly for me."

11/10/20 19:00:22

That's one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Dave.

11/10/20 19:00:22

"Ok, I can hear you now"

The lengths you have to go to in order to get a signal on Three.

11/10/20 19:00:21