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Slag them off all you want, but North Korea's Covid quarantine procedures are bloody effective.
11/10/20 19:00:12
If your best man works for NASA, don't let him arrange the stag do.
11/10/20 19:03:14
"Shit, did I leave the stove on?"
11/10/20 19:01:33
To give you an idea of how far out I am, Beckham's penalty from the euros in 2004 has just passed me!
11/10/20 21:58:33
"In space, no one can hear you scream. Maybe I'll just give it a go anyway..."
11/10/20 19:59:29
2020 Hide and seek champion.
11/10/20 19:01:59
“REALLY, y’didn’t go before you left?”
11/10/20 20:30:55
"I think the springs on the trampoline are a bit too taut Dave."
11/10/20 19:10:27
You wait ages for a space shuttle then three comet once.
11/10/20 19:05:28
"Can you hear me, Houston? I have a problem. I've lost contact with the shuttle, can you help me?...Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have shagged the Control Room Manager's daughter before I left Earth"
11/10/20 19:00:57
Memo to oneself..Return Sat Nav to Lidl
12/10/20 1:33:29
Typical male. He wouldn't stop to ask for directions.
11/10/20 23:05:51
President of the Flat Earth Society gets ready to take the first ever photo of Earth's edge.
11/10/20 22:25:43
The last surviving human after Covid-19, 20, 21…….40 and 41... and yes, his name is Dave.
11/10/20 19:33:18
"C'mon guys, I was just clearing my throat. Guys?"
11/10/20 19:02:09
11/10/20 19:00:20
When Pete got a job as a professional cameraman for kid’s TV, he was really excited to find out that his first assignment would be filming a new series of the Clangers............ Until they told him it was on location.
14/10/20 15:06:53
"Quick! get me back, I've thought of a caption."
11/10/20 20:06:09
11/10/20 19:02:51
"How's the space walk going Bob?""Err, Houston we have a problem.""What's that Bob?""You know our space station uses stealth fighter technology to be invisible to the Ruskies?""Yep.""How the f-ck am I supposed to find it?"
11/10/20 19:01:27
Taking a space walk is a quick way to find out how popular you are with your 'friends'.
11/10/20 19:00:46
Dave wished he'd told NASA about his sleep walking problem.
11/10/20 19:00:26
11/10/20 19:00:07
"It's always at the worst possible time I get an itchy bum."
12/10/20 5:47:48
"Houston, be honest, does my bum look big in this?"
11/10/20 23:20:02
"Finally, some space where I can breathe"
11/10/20 20:01:09
"So, Colonel Dare, now you are condemned to spend eternity drifting in the wilderness of deep space, perhaps you regret calling the Mekon a big girl's blouse?"
11/10/20 19:51:39
"OK, lifeline retraction at the ready.""Lifeline? Damn, I knew there was something I'd forgotten."
11/10/20 19:49:41
"Mum? I still can't find the vacuum, you're sure it's up here somewhere?"
11/10/20 19:20:49
"At last, I've found my final front ear!"
11/10/20 19:18:19
"Is this it?" thought Dave. "There's nothing here. What a waste of space."
11/10/20 19:17:07
2020: A Social Distancing Odyssey
11/10/20 19:13:34
"Why the hell did I have the beans for lunch?"
11/10/20 19:03:13
"We all float up here Richie."
11/10/20 19:02:19
If you want to get along with your colleagues in an enclosed space, it is advisable not to fart too often.
11/10/20 19:00:10
Space has never been so far away
22/10/20 11:22:00
Kevin, aged 32 from Kidderminster was reported missing on 12th June in the middle of filming an episode of ”Don’t Tell the Bride.” His distraught bride-to-be said his last words to her we're ”your big day will be the out of this world experience you have always dreamt of.”
12/10/20 8:44:47
Could you please just give me an address? Maybe the nearest cross street? And how will I recognize you?
11/10/20 23:09:26
The only safe place for Trump if he loses the election.
11/10/20 23:00:44
" Houston, it's no use, it would seem Major Tom Ato has already landed on Earth"
11/10/20 21:54:01
“.....and don’t come till you’ve got a job!!!”
11/10/20 20:39:47
“With everything going on, he’s just trying to get some perspective..”
11/10/20 20:29:30
Cher threatened to go to Venus if Trump won in 2016, but she only set off when he won in 2020.
11/10/20 20:04:38
"Sir Richard Branson to Virgin Galactic, where are you going?"
11/10/20 19:58:28
"Where's the bloody toilets?"
11/10/20 19:57:25
"Where's the Moon?""You don't think I'm going to take off my space suit trousers off here do you?"
11/10/20 19:29:46
Snog? Marry? A Void?
11/10/20 19:18:37
As Dmitry waited for Katya to join him, he had a feeling that the chances were not good for this first ever attempt at sex in space.
11/10/20 19:10:50
"ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKiiiiiinnndd..."
11/10/20 19:08:00
"Top of the morning to you, literally"
11/10/20 19:06:22
"Bloody ejector seats!"
11/10/20 19:05:59
Astronut
11/10/20 19:05:18
🎶 Fly me to the moon 🎶
11/10/20 19:01:55
Dave vowed never to play Blind Man's Bluff with his fellow astronauts again.
11/10/20 19:01:14
"Boris is raising lockdown far too quickly for me."
11/10/20 19:00:22
That's one small step for mankind, one giant leap for Dave.
"Ok, I can hear you now"The lengths you have to go to in order to get a signal on Three.
11/10/20 19:00:21