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"After youve done the downward facing dog Ill show you how to wipe your butt in the sand after a sh*t."
"After you've done the downward facing dog I'll show you how to wipe your butt in the sand after a sh*t."
Troompa Loompa
Police drone units scour the countryside far and wide to spot people exercising too far from home.
Police drone units scour the countryside far and wide to spot people exercising too far from home.
Tony Edwards
"Its alright Mum, you push, Ill catch my sister"
"It's alright Mum, you push, I'll catch my sister"
Glyn Evans
The book was so good she couldnt put it down, unlike her dog who is off to the vets in the morning.
The book was so good she couldnt put it down, unlike her dog who is off to the vets in the morning.
Tony S
Having flown around for years trying to find the correct birth address, the stork finally gave up.
Having flown around for years trying to find the correct birth address, the stork finally gave up.
John Glover
Tonight on Panorama: Is there too much oestrogen in our water? We speak to three men in their thirties about their experiences.
Tonight on Panorama: Is there too much oestrogen in our water? We speak to three men in their thirties about their experiences.
Al Overy
BREAKING NEWS: Daisys second lunar mission ends in failure. (But the little dog still has a good laugh)
BREAKING NEWS: Daisy's second lunar mission ends in failure.
(But the little dog still has a good laugh)
Dave Bryan
Of Mice and Menu
Of Mice and Menu
Stephen Bean
"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"
"Hello, is that Chris Beach? Listen, I won the January Caption competition bigly and everyone knows it! SO FIND MY MISSING VOTES!!!"
Al Overy
Wilma had long suspected Fred was biceptual.
Wilma had long suspected Fred was biceptual.
Stephen Bean
The cruise was all going well until they told us we were having a stopover in South Africa.
The cruise was all going well until they told us we were having a stopover in South Africa.
Ellen Duncalf
"Get a broom!"
"Get a broom!"
Vanessa the Guesser
"Barry, youre twenty-seven, dont you think its time you left home?"
"Barry, you're twenty-seven, don't you think it's time you left home?"
James Lennox
Police are looking for this man who has been going door to door getting pensioners to hand over their money in exchange for old magazines... police says its a comic con
Police are looking for this man who has been going door to door getting pensioners to hand over their money in exchange for old magazines... police says its a comic con
Tony S
How much do the council pay you for doing this job? What council?
''How much do the council pay you for doing this job?''

''What council?''
Dave Bryan
"You kids are going nowhere until Paul Vause turns up."
"You kids are going nowhere until Paul Vause turns up."
Molly R
Reverse cycleogy
Reverse cycleogy
Ian Skelding
Jane immersed herself in the magazine. It was a distraction from her huge, over developed right foot, which she had to keep in a rubber orthopedic shoe.
Jane immersed herself in the magazine. It was a distraction from her huge, over developed right foot, which she had to keep in a rubber orthopedic shoe.
stone face
"I got chills, theyre multiplying.." "Youd better get tested then."
"I got chills, they're multiplying.."

"You'd better get tested then."
Vanessa the Guesser
"If you were at your desk all morning, Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterleys Lover?"
"If you were 'at your desk all morning', Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?"
Al Overy
"They did warn me that if I kept putting my head out of the car window, my face would get stuck like this."
"They did warn me that if I kept putting my head out of the car window, my face would get stuck like this."
Molly R
Tims gestures have lost some impact since he had his middle finger amputated
Tim's gestures have lost some impact since he had his middle finger amputated
Tony S
Purrlesque
Purrlesque
Glyn Evans
"For fucks sake Tiger! Just take a drop shot."
"For fucks sake Tiger! Just take a drop shot."
stone face
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