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Merde to measure
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Stephen Bean Vote score: 23895Stephen Bean

Merde to measure

17/12/21 13:16:16

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 17904Vanessa the Guesser

I'm not giving you my waste measurements.

17/12/21 12:07:23

 
Tony S Vote score: 5120Tony S

"How do you know the sizes?"
"I'm keeping a log."

17/12/21 12:16:53

 
Al Overy Vote score: 12591Al Overy

"Oh, cut the crap!"

17/12/21 12:01:20

 
Molly R Vote score: 3581Molly R

It helps to have a tape worm.

17/12/21 12:00:58

 
The Wolf Vote score: 16170The Wolf

My poo that day was 3 inches in diameter and 6.5 inches long so there wasn’t much in it. But it was still a nightmare trying to push it back in.

17/12/21 12:07:46

 
Al Overy Vote score: 12591Al Overy

A bad workman blames his stools.

17/12/21 12:00:37

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1867alexandra ball

Tape measures available at reception.

17/12/21 15:55:38

 2
Why would anyone want to measure tape? --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 16170The Wolf

"Hello, Dave Plumbing Services, how may I help?"

"Hi Dave, some idiot has ignored our sign and blocked the toilet. Can you fix it?"

"Oh I don't know, sounds like a big job."

17/12/21 12:20:10

 
Tony S Vote score: 5120Tony S

My wife got sacked for enforcing this wrong because I have been telling her how big 6 inches is for years.

17/12/21 12:19:36

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 28580Ian Skelding

"No big shits allowed? that rules out Piers Morgan then."

17/12/21 12:12:07

 
The Wolf Vote score: 16170The Wolf

"No problem", said Craig after having 8 pints of Carlsberg and a Lamb Rogan Josh.

17/12/21 12:06:35

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 9800Vivvy En

PS: For your convenience, please find a knife under the sink.

17/12/21 12:00:47

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 4658Mark Wilson

Bog Standards

17/12/21 20:26:36

 1
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 13236Neil Mackenzie

Paddy didn’t know half inches. He did know turds.

17/12/21 17:15:26

 
Glad You Remember Vote score: 2203Glad You Remember

Hmm. A little off-putting, but I will carry on under turd.

17/12/21 13:30:21

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 5339Scrijjy Doo

The best you can hope for is a Straight Flush.

17/12/21 13:11:30

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1904Dot Old

"Are you taking the piss?"

17/12/21 12:36:52

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 7826Greg Curtis

"So...I'll flush my tampon."

17/12/21 12:20:10

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 23895Stephen Bean

Those measurements certainly aren't bog standard.

17/12/21 12:15:29

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 17904Vanessa the Guesser

Turd world problems.

17/12/21 12:00:57

 
Al Overy Vote score: 12591Al Overy

"What is this? Some kind of Dictatorshit?"

17/12/21 12:00:53

 
Al Overy Vote score: 12591Al Overy

Well, that's a bit anal.

17/12/21 12:00:09

 
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