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I bought these plants from here six months ago and none of them have grown more than a centimetre. What can I do?  Try leaving some heroin next to them before you go to bed.  How could that possibly help?...
I bought these plants from here six months ago and none of them have grown more than a centimetre. What can I do?  Try leaving some heroin next to them before you go to bed.  How could that possibly help?... photo | portfolio
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Dave Bryan Vote score: 20854Dave Bryan

''I bought these plants from here six months ago and none of them have grown more than a centimetre. What can I do?''

''Try leaving some heroin next to them before you go to bed.''

''How could that possibly help?''

''They may shoot up during the night.''

23/01/22 12:06:55

 
The Wolf Vote score: 16170The Wolf

"When I said I wanted a tub of Roses..."

23/01/22 12:00:46

 
Al Overy Vote score: 11916Al Overy

"Buzy Lizzy?"

"Busier than this lazy b*stard, yeah!"

23/01/22 17:20:12

 
Al Overy Vote score: 11916Al Overy

"D'yall sell hoes here, Cletus?"

"Well, no, but Jolene'll do just about most things for a bag of doughnuts."

23/01/22 16:51:02

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 2485Karen Oakenfull

“Hey Janet. Thought you said you were gonna hang that awkward basket yesterday?”
“Changed my mind. Gonna shoot him instead.”

23/01/22 12:08:47

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 28309Ian Skelding

“I’ve got osteospermum, perennials, coleus and cineraria.”
“Bloody hell, shouldn’t you go and see a Doctor about that?”

23/01/22 13:02:07

 
Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6537Tosser Wivlov

Yes we're a small operation, but we're growing.

23/01/22 18:07:15

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 5129Scrijjy Doo

Yanks. If they're not shooting each other they're arranging flowers.

23/01/22 15:26:58

 1
They've certainly shot this picture. --Willie Johnson
Glad You Remember Vote score: 2112Glad You Remember

"Hey, my name is Herb, how d'ya guess?"

23/01/22 19:52:57

 
Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 6537Tosser Wivlov

"Stay seated Harry. Smells like you've soiled yourself."

23/01/22 18:02:46

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 13109Neil Mackenzie

Burt wasn’t the sharpest tool in the box, but looking through the photo album he realised Martha was always stood up rather than sat in the chair. He decided he needed to get a wider chair that her arse would fit on.

23/01/22 12:21:06

 1
We're gonna need a bigger seat. --Scrijjy Doo
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 17234Dan Nicholls

"Come on in now folks, Brenda's bush is quite a sight this time of year.

23/01/22 12:19:57

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 9715Glyn Evans

The SWAT team raided. In their defence, the owners claimed that anything they found was a plant.

23/01/22 12:10:31

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 23224Stephen Bean

"Get a bloom!"

23/01/22 12:06:51

 
Glad You Remember Vote score: 2112Glad You Remember

Have the guns been photoshopped out?

23/01/22 19:54:11

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 5129Scrijjy Doo

There's nothing funny about this picture. You can barely see the cat.

23/01/22 15:24:21

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1881Dot Old

The fuschia's bright

23/01/22 13:20:21

 1
The Wolf Vote score: 16170The Wolf

"I bet you regret buying shorts in that colour now, don't you? Fancy forgetting your TENA Lady."

23/01/22 12:24:58

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 20854Dave Bryan

''It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it.''

''Why are you rambling like a lunatic, Madge?''

''I'm saying 'it' with flowers.''

23/01/22 12:21:13

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 9729Hercules Rockefeller

"He's a grower, not a shower."

23/01/22 12:03:09

 
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