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Please disembark at the rear of the train unless you are near deaths door.
Please disembark at the rear of the train unless you are near deaths door. photo | portfolio
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Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

''Please disembark at the rear of the train unless you are near death's door.''

08/07/21 12:01:22

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 34339Tony Edwards

The reunion of Jason and the Argonauts got off to a bad start when the Argonauts hardly recognised Jason.

08/07/21 12:32:21

 
Al Overy Vote score: 6849Al Overy

Super Scythe Me

08/07/21 12:00:10

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

"Babe, look over there, that reminds me of that horror film"

"Which one?"

"The Blob"

08/07/21 12:41:40

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

"Terry, the next time we meet you for lunch, we're not ordering the four-person sharing platter"

08/07/21 12:00:40

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

A matter of line and death

08/07/21 12:34:21

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

As masks are removed on public transport, The Grim Reaper is forced to take on more staff.

08/07/21 12:13:41

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

''The next stop will be Gravesend.''

08/07/21 12:02:20

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

People often ask me, "What's the most scared you've ever been on the tube?". Well, there was this one time when a fat guy started pole dancing.

08/07/21 12:01:47

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3466Mark Wilson

"Death by heart attack in 5 years it says on our list. But if you wish to die in a horrible crash surrounded by screaming passengers we can't force you to go back and drive the train"

08/07/21 15:26:51

 
Mark England Vote score: 18712Mark England

"Welcome to the Death Express. Calling at Hades, Hell and Hounslow"

08/07/21 12:27:46

 
Molly R Vote score: 2950Molly R

"I wish they would stop going on about WeightWatchers."

08/07/21 12:08:39

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3831Scrijjy Doo

Subway -- Eat Flesh

08/07/21 12:04:59

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 8297Glyn Evans

Skeletour

08/07/21 12:04:42

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 8098Vivvy En

Dead on arrival

08/07/21 18:31:36

 
Tony S Vote score: 2804Tony S

When the lights failed on the underground an act of cannibalism took place , police believe they may have a suspect.

08/07/21 12:13:23

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 6099Karyn Harrison

For the Jonas brothers it was the only way to travel.

08/07/21 12:03:52

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5620Kenny Ireland

The late train.

08/07/21 22:18:19

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3466Mark Wilson

"Warriors, come out to play."

08/07/21 15:43:36

 1
Their gang is the Skullboys --Glyn Evans
Ian Skelding Vote score: 25588Ian Skelding

Day return of the Dead.

08/07/21 12:21:23

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3831Scrijjy Doo

The Rolling Stones ain't what they used to be.

08/07/21 12:06:14

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

You would never see this on the London Underground. I mean come on, space in the carriage.

08/07/21 12:00:22

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5620Kenny Ireland

Train terminal.

08/07/21 22:16:07

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 3466Mark Wilson

"Excuse me sir, would you mind giving your seat up so the 3 of us could sit down?"

08/07/21 15:04:04

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2961Willie Johnson

"What? I'm on the see food diet. I see food and I eat it. And I've got 20/15 vision."

08/07/21 14:19:08

 
John Beith Vote score: 262John Beith

" I see the trains are running with a skeleton crew again."

08/07/21 13:36:16

 
Barrie Bullock Vote score: 735Barrie Bullock

Due to redundancies trains are running with skeleton staff.

08/07/21 13:28:26

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1337alexandra ball

The producers of the walking dead are running out of good ideas for storylines.

08/07/21 12:59:03

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 8297Glyn Evans

"Thinking about it, that day that we blew ourselves up, was it really worth it?"

08/07/21 12:49:01

 
Tiny Alien Vote score: 581Tiny Alien

When Death comes for you in threes, you know you're f*cked!

08/07/21 12:48:32

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21842John Glover

The Three Amigones

08/07/21 12:45:01

 
Tiny Alien Vote score: 581Tiny Alien

He man & Skeletors

08/07/21 12:44:26

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 25588Ian Skelding

"That fat bugger didn't offer his seat to a pregnant lady or a disabled man earlier so he sure ain't gonna offer it to any member of the Anorexia Nervosa Society."

08/07/21 12:38:24

 
Mark England Vote score: 18712Mark England

Ghost train and Big Will

08/07/21 12:26:28

 
C CaMel Vote score: 7387C CaMel

"So this is actually hell?"
"˜It's not too bad, we change trains in 5 years."

08/07/21 12:23:30

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 34339Tony Edwards

Bernard has been diagnosed with morbid obesity, whereas the other three are just morbid.

08/07/21 12:13:34

 
Tony S Vote score: 2804Tony S

Dave felt so stupid at the skeletons Christmas party thinking it was fancy dress and coming as a fat man.

08/07/21 12:09:51

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

''I always feel queasy in the presence of death. I just don't have the stomach for it.''

08/07/21 12:09:29

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

"I wish they'd maintain these carriages better. Just listen to that rattling sound."

08/07/21 12:08:51

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24907Michael Winner

"Typical- last train on Christmas Eve and it's running late. At this rate we'll never got to Scrooge's place."

08/07/21 12:08:08

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8539Hercules Rockefeller

Murdered on the Orient Express

08/07/21 12:07:55

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3831Scrijjy Doo

British Railways, You May Get There

08/07/21 12:07:25

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24907Michael Winner

*Mind the bat*

08/07/21 12:06:44

 
C CaMel Vote score: 7387C CaMel

"You remind me of my Ex, Ray."

08/07/21 12:05:09

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 12093Mr Dome

Onslow hated Halloween

08/07/21 12:04:38

 
Al Overy Vote score: 6849Al Overy

"Wish this train would hurry up. We've got a deadline to meet."

08/07/21 12:04:33

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3831Scrijjy Doo

He's eating for four.

08/07/21 12:04:04

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

"When he turns around let's give him a freight."

08/07/21 12:02:48

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8539Hercules Rockefeller

Subway to Hell

08/07/21 12:02:38

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 12004Neil Mackenzie

That's why Eddie Y eats.

08/07/21 12:02:14

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

They died from tube-rculosis.

08/07/21 12:01:41

 
Al Overy Vote score: 6849Al Overy

The Corpse Ride

08/07/21 12:01:04

 
Al Overy Vote score: 6849Al Overy

'Mmm...spare ribs.'

08/07/21 12:00:39

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

Why do skeletons travel on the underground?

Because that's where they were buried.

08/07/21 12:00:12

 
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