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"Madam, we appreciate you donating your unwanted toys to the Samaritans but..."
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The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

"Madam, we appreciate you donating your unwanted toys to the Samaritans but..."

11/07/21 12:51:35

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

After a lovers tiff with Ernie, Bert ends it all by suffocating himself in a plastic bag.

11/07/21 12:36:51

 1
He misses the canoedling. --Karyn Harrison
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

All Alone Captioneer

I am alone. Where is friend? Where is anybody? Nobody cares. Wife has left me. Dog hates me. Wait all day for funny noise on computer. Happy for five seconds.

11/07/21 12:03:22

 3
A lone Wolf perhaps? --Karyn Harrison
Mark England Vote score: 18712Mark England

Ever since the 'accident' when he woke up in Earnest

11/07/21 14:10:47

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3831Scrijjy Doo

S is for Suicide

11/07/21 16:46:33

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 5353Lucky Elperro

"You broke my heart Fredo"

11/07/21 15:47:10

 1
That's why you should never mix fishing with clay pigeon shooting --Glyn Evans
Michael Winner Vote score: 24907Michael Winner

"I know exactly how you feel", sighed Tory MP Lee Anderson.

11/07/21 12:19:12

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 15814Dave Bryan

''That's why I spend so much time on the internet playing with myself.''

11/07/21 12:17:40

 1
I'm just conforming like everyone else... --Glyn Evans
Michael Winner Vote score: 24907Michael Winner

(cue 'Duelling Banjos' from Deliverance)

11/07/21 12:12:50

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 34339Tony Edwards

Berty no-mates

11/07/21 12:02:24

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 1021Charles Gilbert

"We all float down here Bert..."

11/07/21 17:29:35

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6889Greg Curtis

"You can ALSO buy 'Newly-Assertive Ernie' ,sold separately."

11/07/21 14:17:09

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6889Greg Curtis

"...and I'm alone with LEGS? - Where's the hand up my ass?!...THAT'S what I miss the most."

11/07/21 14:07:27

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

🎵 Cry me a river 🎵

11/07/21 12:49:23

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 8098Vivvy En

Go on...Employ a proofreader. Push the boat out.

11/07/21 12:22:37

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

"I got this toy for free. Somebody had thrown it away and I found it down in the dump"

11/07/21 12:21:06

 
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

"Hey Bert. You're all alone. You have no friends. You don't have anybody. I'm glad I'm not buying you"

"No Thomas. When I said you're not having the toy, please put it down..."

11/07/21 12:16:26

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 12093Mr Dome

Canoe go and find him?

11/07/21 12:09:57

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 12093Mr Dome

There's no 'i' in friend

11/07/21 12:09:03

 2
What, the f? --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 13282The Wolf

All Alone Bert is ok, but I prefer Billy No Mates.

11/07/21 12:02:47

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2961Willie Johnson

"frend" hightailed it out of there when he saw your uni-brow.

13/07/21 8:53:21

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 12004Neil Mackenzie

It sells better than cremated Urnie..

12/07/21 9:39:35

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 12004Neil Mackenzie

Due to positive discrimination Ernie being brown got a show of his own.

11/07/21 18:42:24

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

"I think I need The Countsellor."

11/07/21 15:45:35

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4886Crunchy Chords

Alone-Bert wanted to go fishing, but without his buddy, he couldn't find any bait.
Why?
Everyone knows that the Ernie-Bert gets the worm.

11/07/21 15:34:50

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

Ernie told him to stuff his canoeing trip, he's watching England play football tonight.

11/07/21 14:54:45

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6889Greg Curtis

"Excuse me, sailor! Can you tell me how to get, how to get to Sesame Street?"

11/07/21 14:10:22

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21842John Glover

"I'm sure they said 'If you want to have a piddle, your welcome to use the canoe' , but how do I empty it all out?"

11/07/21 13:53:20

 
Al Overy Vote score: 6849Al Overy

Bert's appalling grasp of English made to make frend difficulty.

11/07/21 12:53:17

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24907Michael Winner

🎵 Can you tell me how to get, get a paddle in Sesame Creek?🎵

11/07/21 12:16:19

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8539Hercules Rockefeller

He'd been wading for anybody to show up for quite a while now.

11/07/21 12:15:00

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1337alexandra ball

Ernie finally realised Bert was really boring and there was much more fun to be had around Sesame street.

11/07/21 12:14:15

 
Molly R Vote score: 2950Molly R

Up the creek without a paddle

11/07/21 12:01:41

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8539Hercules Rockefeller

This definitely won't make bath time lots of fun.

11/07/21 12:01:11

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 8297Glyn Evans

which can be shortened to Albert

11/07/21 12:00:26

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 17959Stephen Bean

"Today's is show brought to you with the letter's is in wrong places."

11/07/21 12:00:06

 
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