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"This week on Excessive Flatulence, Gary levitates a horse after consuming half a kilo of brussel sprouts."
"This week on Excessive Flatulence, Gary levitates a horse after consuming half a kilo of brussel sprouts." photo | portfolio
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The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

"This week on 'Excessive Flatulence', Gary levitates a horse after consuming half a kilo of brussel sprouts."

Wed 20:15:31

 1
Jumping Jack Flash is a gas gas gas. --Karyn Harrison
James Lennox Vote score: 8308James Lennox

Dave was actually relieved. When they said he was to be jumped by a horse, he'd expected something much, much worse.

Wed 20:20:10

 
The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

Having a vasectomy in Holland was a brutal experience.

Wed 20:05:08

 1
There's a cheaper way with a knife, just down the street from the "coffee shop." --SnapDragon D
Stephen Bean Vote score: 16001Stephen Bean

The Gland National

Wed 20:16:01

 
stone face Vote score: 9388stone face

"Don't look so relieved the tiny falabella ponies are up next."

Wed 20:10:55

 
Joe Vote score: 1733Joe

'I can't believe I fell for the "Do you want do play Badminton" gag again!'

Wed 22:16:36

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1166alexandra ball

Is he a gelding?
He is now!

Wed 21:18:12

 1
I was going to say "After the jump, there were two geldings on the field". That's what I get for being late. Great caption. --Willie Johnson
The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

"Ok, he's a size ten. CAN WE GET THE NIKE AIR MAX IN A SIZE TEN PLEASE?"

"Guys, If I'm being honest, this is the weirdest shoe shopping experience I've ever had"

Wed 20:49:50

 
The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

"Hi Dave. You're back home early. How was your day at the anxiety relief farm retreat?"

"Well..."

Wed 20:39:48

 
stone face Vote score: 9388stone face

Comrade Vlad really did have balls of steel, and they were put to good use. On the hour, every hour, a horse would strike its hoof against his chrome gonads. Sending a pitch perfect chime across the town. A town that couldn't afford watches or clocks, but strangely could afford metal testicle transplants.

Wed 20:35:09

 2
Sounds like that Bond villain "Baws" --Glyn Evans
The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

"For the last time, I'm sorry I ate the last of the Jaffa Cakes."

Wed 20:33:20

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21514John Glover

"Don't worry we've been told it will clear you by at least two feet."

Wed 20:24:14

 
James Lennox Vote score: 8308James Lennox

"Guys, can you let go of my feet? It sounds like a horse is running towards me ... Guys? ... GUYS?"

Wed 20:11:56

 
stone face Vote score: 9388stone face

"This is not what I had in mind , when I applied for the Olympic fencing team."

Wed 20:07:07

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 872Ellen Duncalf

Groinavon

Wed 20:06:58

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4663Crunchy Chords

Attempts to introduce basketball to third world regimes led to some confusion over the term "jump balls".

Wed 20:02:43

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4663Crunchy Chords

Deja coup: that strange feeling that you've seen this removal of a dicktator before.

(www.caption.me/392821)

Wed 20:00:57

 5
Perhaps voting habits have changed? Or there are many more captions now? Two things surprise me;1) That so many brilliant captions don't get more than 1 vote.2) How people can find these ancient posts on a site... --SnapDragon D
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4663Crunchy Chords

"Right then, let's see how YOU like it..." said the gelding.

Wed 20:00:11

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 330SnapDragon D

"I'll never understand the rules of Dressage."

Wed 22:05:50

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33878Tony Edwards

The Horse of the Rear Show

Wed 20:52:07

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 5760Karyn Harrison

The end is neigh.

Wed 20:31:21

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2959Mark Wilson

Meanwhile across town a crime was being committed

Wed 20:13:07

 1
The crime of missing this town's greatest spectacle in 80 years! --SnapDragon D
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20663Troompa Loompa

"But you said you're a pole."

"Yes, that's right. I'm from Warsaw."

Wed 20:09:30

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2959Mark Wilson

Dave wasn't worried, he was wearing his lucky horseshoe as a cock ring

Wed 20:08:25

 
Al Overy Vote score: 5241Al Overy

The RSPCA now calls upon the defendant who claims the horse accidentally penetrated him during a performance that was, I quote: 'good clean fun for all the family'.

Wed 20:08:07

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8075Hercules Rockefeller

"Holy crap, Dave, how did you survive being run over by a mustang?"

Wed 20:07:36

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21514John Glover

"Come on lads, there must be easier ways to get rid of haemorrhoids."

Wed 20:06:37

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11815Neil Mackenzie

The Police Horse stopped half way over for arrest.

Wed 20:02:54

 
Tony S Vote score: 1719Tony S

We need to work on that dismount.

Wed 20:01:50

 
Nina Dutton Vote score: 192Nina Dutton

“Never mind the bollocks, just jump.”

Wed 20:01:21

 2
Sex Pistols reference? --Willie Johnson
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4663Crunchy Chords

"Before passing out of the academy, you'll have one final testicle."

Wed 20:00:38

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4663Crunchy Chords

"He's been doing this since 2017. He's really got some balls, that bloke."
"Not furlong."

(Nod to Vivvy and Pussy, www.caption.me/395321)

Wed 20:00:22

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11815Neil Mackenzie

Disguised as Police, the horse thieves were using Dave as middleman to act as a fence.

Wed 20:00:09

 
Al Overy Vote score: 5241Al Overy

Painful though it was, it was Bert's turn to take a horse to the knackers.

Wed 20:00:07

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5470Kenny Ireland

Fence Hughie.

Thu 6:49:46

 
Ryan French Vote score: 36Ryan French

I've got 20/1 odds Tony gets kicked in the bollox.

Thu 1:16:54

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11592Mr Dome

A most unusual way to mount a horse

Wed 22:23:25

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24812Ian Skelding

Nickstead

Wed 22:12:26

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 330SnapDragon D

Deeply moved by young equestrian Sally's terminal plight, Dave signed up to the Make A Wish Foundation.

Little did he know, he'd be turned into a wishbone.

Wed 22:10:33

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2652Willie Johnson

Dave soon regretted picking the one horse that suffered from narcolepsy.

Wed 22:06:20

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11815Neil Mackenzie

Dave had no where to keep his horse, but after this trick he had a couple of achers.

Wed 22:04:05

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11592Mr Dome

Three gay eventing

Wed 22:03:09

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 481Gavin Smithers

The fourth man looks like an H.

Wed 21:34:59

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 481Gavin Smithers

The nuts and bolts of showjumping.

Wed 21:33:09

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33878Tony Edwards

Privates on Parade Ring

Wed 21:00:32

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 24089Michael Winner

Eventually, they stopped this cruel and unusual execution method of horse plunging.

Wed 21:00:23

 
stone face Vote score: 9388stone face

Tonight on 'Extreme Break Dancing'..

Wed 20:42:48

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5470Kenny Ireland

Breeches Brook.

Wed 20:34:52

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 8075Hercules Rockefeller

"Did you hear about the smashing ball that was held at the derby?"

Wed 20:31:13

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14868Vanessa the Guesser

Whinny the poo

Wed 20:28:26

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2959Mark Wilson

No matter how hard he tried the stupid horse couldn't find the one who had the football up his jumper

Wed 20:19:28

 
The Wolf Vote score: 12169The Wolf

"There's no way he's going to be able to pull that off. I mean come on, a white suit?"

Wed 20:09:57

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7903Glyn Evans

This is what we do to javelin throwers here

Wed 20:07:58

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20663Troompa Loompa

When the jockey asked Dave to be the fence he told him to take a running jump.

Wed 20:02:59

 
Al Overy Vote score: 5241Al Overy

Fun Fact: Jumping was invented in 1873 by Thomas Jumping when he tried to hop twice at the same time.

Wed 20:02:57

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20663Troompa Loompa

Only Fools and Horses

Wed 20:00:10

 
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