"This week on 'Excessive Flatulence', Gary levitates a horse after consuming half a kilo of brussel sprouts."

Wed 20:15:31

Dave was actually relieved. When they said he was to be jumped by a horse, he'd expected something much, much worse.

Wed 20:20:10

Having a vasectomy in Holland was a brutal experience.

Wed 20:05:08

The Gland National

Wed 20:16:01

"Don't look so relieved the tiny falabella ponies are up next."

Wed 20:10:55

'I can't believe I fell for the "Do you want do play Badminton" gag again!'

Wed 22:16:36

Is he a gelding?
He is now!

Wed 21:18:12

"Ok, he's a size ten. CAN WE GET THE NIKE AIR MAX IN A SIZE TEN PLEASE?"

"Guys, If I'm being honest, this is the weirdest shoe shopping experience I've ever had"

Wed 20:49:50

"Hi Dave. You're back home early. How was your day at the anxiety relief farm retreat?"

"Well..."

Wed 20:39:48

Comrade Vlad really did have balls of steel, and they were put to good use. On the hour, every hour, a horse would strike its hoof against his chrome gonads. Sending a pitch perfect chime across the town. A town that couldn't afford watches or clocks, but strangely could afford metal testicle transplants.

Wed 20:35:09

"For the last time, I'm sorry I ate the last of the Jaffa Cakes."

Wed 20:33:20

"Don't worry we've been told it will clear you by at least two feet."

Wed 20:24:14

"Guys, can you let go of my feet? It sounds like a horse is running towards me ... Guys? ... GUYS?"

Wed 20:11:56

"This is not what I had in mind , when I applied for the Olympic fencing team."

Wed 20:07:07

Groinavon

Wed 20:06:58

Attempts to introduce basketball to third world regimes led to some confusion over the term "jump balls".

Wed 20:02:43

Deja coup: that strange feeling that you've seen this removal of a dicktator before.

(www.caption.me/392821)

Wed 20:00:57

"Right then, let's see how YOU like it..." said the gelding.

Wed 20:00:11

"I'll never understand the rules of Dressage."

Wed 22:05:50

The Horse of the Rear Show

Wed 20:52:07

The end is neigh.

Wed 20:31:21

Meanwhile across town a crime was being committed

Wed 20:13:07

"But you said you're a pole."

"Yes, that's right. I'm from Warsaw."

Wed 20:09:30

Dave wasn't worried, he was wearing his lucky horseshoe as a cock ring

Wed 20:08:25

The RSPCA now calls upon the defendant who claims the horse accidentally penetrated him during a performance that was, I quote: 'good clean fun for all the family'.

Wed 20:08:07

"Holy crap, Dave, how did you survive being run over by a mustang?"

Wed 20:07:36

"Come on lads, there must be easier ways to get rid of haemorrhoids."

Wed 20:06:37

The Police Horse stopped half way over for arrest.

Wed 20:02:54

We need to work on that dismount.

Wed 20:01:50

“Never mind the bollocks, just jump.”

Wed 20:01:21

"Before passing out of the academy, you'll have one final testicle."

Wed 20:00:38

"He's been doing this since 2017. He's really got some balls, that bloke."
"Not furlong."

(Nod to Vivvy and Pussy, www.caption.me/395321)

Wed 20:00:22

Disguised as Police, the horse thieves were using Dave as middleman to act as a fence.

Wed 20:00:09

clever

Painful though it was, it was Bert's turn to take a horse to the knackers.

Wed 20:00:07

Fence Hughie.

Thu 6:49:46

I've got 20/1 odds Tony gets kicked in the bollox.

Thu 1:16:54

A most unusual way to mount a horse

Wed 22:23:25

Nickstead

Wed 22:12:26

Deeply moved by young equestrian Sally's terminal plight, Dave signed up to the Make A Wish Foundation.

Little did he know, he'd be turned into a wishbone.

Wed 22:10:33

Dave soon regretted picking the one horse that suffered from narcolepsy.

Wed 22:06:20

Dave had no where to keep his horse, but after this trick he had a couple of achers.

Wed 22:04:05

Three gay eventing

Wed 22:03:09

The fourth man looks like an H.

Wed 21:34:59

The nuts and bolts of showjumping.

Wed 21:33:09

Privates on Parade Ring

Wed 21:00:32

Eventually, they stopped this cruel and unusual execution method of horse plunging.

Wed 21:00:23

Tonight on 'Extreme Break Dancing'..

Wed 20:42:48

Breeches Brook.

Wed 20:34:52

"Did you hear about the smashing ball that was held at the derby?"

Wed 20:31:13

Whinny the poo

Wed 20:28:26

No matter how hard he tried the stupid horse couldn't find the one who had the football up his jumper

Wed 20:19:28

"There's no way he's going to be able to pull that off. I mean come on, a white suit?"

Wed 20:09:57

This is what we do to javelin throwers here

Wed 20:07:58

When the jockey asked Dave to be the fence he told him to take a running jump.

Wed 20:02:59

Fun Fact: Jumping was invented in 1873 by Thomas Jumping when he tried to hop twice at the same time.

Wed 20:02:57

Only Fools and Horses

Wed 20:00:10