"Damn, I wish I used a frying pan instead of nutting him."

04/04/21 12:53:36

Marriage. Day 2.

04/04/21 12:03:03

'Dave's been on that TV so long, I'm amazed he doesn't have a channel named after him!'

04/04/21 12:29:51

"Deirdre, what's on the box?"

"Dunno. It's some kind of red rash"

"Fair enough. I'll watch the television"

04/04/21 12:18:58

"Mum. However hard I try, I still can't remove those strange white stains from the armchair fabric."

04/04/21 14:26:44

"Has it still only got two sides?"

"Yes. Narky and useless."

04/04/21 13:44:12

I'm sorry darling not tonight I have a headache
Don't worry love in the time it took you to say that sentence I knocked one out watching the Eurovusion song contest.

04/04/21 12:02:58

"Dave. The removals men are getting impatient".

04/04/21 23:06:03

Dave spent most of his furlough time by wanking all day. No wonder there's no toilet roll left

04/04/21 14:20:37

''You can't have sex tonight. It's the wrong time of the month. It isn't your birthday until next week.''

04/04/21 12:50:16

"That wasn't too many cocktails I made my husband when he came home from a hard day's work? I am a good housewife, I am a good housewife, I am a good housewife..."

04/04/21 12:07:21

''Oh no! He's looking at other women again. I must remember to wash his shirts in Daz.''

04/04/21 12:02:47

She had just hit him over the head with the shovel when she realised he had been trying to buy her a new dress on the shopping channel.

04/04/21 12:01:33

Who smoked all my dabs??

05/04/21 1:39:50

She'd had her hair done,and got best dress on. Yet,two hours on, Nigel was jiggered and he still hasn't found her G spot

04/04/21 14:55:00

There's something about Mary

04/04/21 14:35:08

Not another one!

04/04/21 14:30:55

"I could have sworn I told him it was just a one night stand"

04/04/21 13:31:54

"Oh no, he's had a Gareth Bale haircut.."

04/04/21 13:00:26

"He's wearing my high heels again"

04/04/21 13:00:10

"Damn too late, now Dave's got the only chair and I'll have to stand all night watching TV again"

04/04/21 12:57:40

Average housewife wakes up in the most terrifying Twilight Zone, married to a MANBUN!

04/04/21 12:56:42

''Why can't he stare at my tits like that?''

''Don't worry, Joan, he will when you're wearing the new Wonder-Bra. Men find them irresistable. Now on sale at a department store near you.''

04/04/21 12:38:57

Back in the day when men had to get married to have sex and even then it wasn't guaranteed.

04/04/21 12:37:17

Christ, Dave still can't get it up. Bloody Sturgeon must've been on the telly again today.
Jane had been responsible for her own orgasm for the best part of a year now.

04/04/21 12:28:18

"What more do I need to do to get his attention? Dye my hair blonde? Get bigger breasts? Stop supergluing my left hand to my forehead?"

04/04/21 12:18:57

George A. Romero's 'Thursday Afternoon Of The Living Dead'.

04/04/21 12:16:30

"Dave, you can chill out and watch TV. I'm more than happy with this rolling pin"

04/04/21 12:16:02

After three years the marriage was beginning to look shakey. Only a new vacuum cleaner could save it.

04/04/21 12:14:19

"If you experience technical issues during the bungee jumping championship, ensure that your television and aerials are the right way up."

04/04/21 12:12:09

"Damn, why didn't I bother to pay extra for the higher fidelity?"

04/04/21 12:09:25

John soon regretted not facing the tv and chair towards the door.

04/04/21 12:05:59

Ogle-box

04/04/21 12:03:11

"How can he possibly love that idiot's box more than me?"

04/04/21 12:01:19

Ted had previously dated that presenter. Now Jane was finding there was too much ex on TV.

04/04/21 12:00:52

Kevin had adapted perfectly to lockdown.

04/04/21 12:00:08