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"Damn, I wish I used a frying pan instead of nutting him."
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Ian Skelding Vote score: 24475Ian Skelding

"Damn, I wish I used a frying pan instead of nutting him."

04/04/21 12:53:36

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11777The Wolf

Marriage. Day 2.

04/04/21 12:03:03

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4775Al Overy

'Dave's been on that TV so long, I'm amazed he doesn't have a channel named after him!'

04/04/21 12:29:51

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11777The Wolf

"Deirdre, what's on the box?"

"Dunno. It's some kind of red rash"

"Fair enough. I'll watch the television"

04/04/21 12:18:58

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21440John Glover

"Mum. However hard I try, I still can't remove those strange white stains from the armchair fabric."

04/04/21 14:26:44

 
stone face Vote score: 9108stone face

"Has it still only got two sides?"

"Yes. Narky and useless."

04/04/21 13:44:12

 
Tony S Vote score: 1400Tony S

I'm sorry darling not tonight I have a headache
Don't worry love in the time it took you to say that sentence I knocked one out watching the Eurovusion song contest.

04/04/21 12:02:58

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5410Kenny Ireland

"Dave. The removals men are getting impatient".

04/04/21 23:06:03

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11448Mr Dome

Dave spent most of his furlough time by wanking all day. No wonder there's no toilet roll left

04/04/21 14:20:37

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 14013Dave Bryan

''You can't have sex tonight. It's the wrong time of the month. It isn't your birthday until next week.''

04/04/21 12:50:16

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7796Glyn Evans

"That wasn't too many cocktails I made my husband when he came home from a hard day's work? I am a good housewife, I am a good housewife, I am a good housewife..."

04/04/21 12:07:21

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 14013Dave Bryan

''Oh no! He's looking at other women again. I must remember to wash his shirts in Daz.''

04/04/21 12:02:47

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11707Neil Mackenzie

She had just hit him over the head with the shovel when she realised he had been trying to buy her a new dress on the shopping channel.

04/04/21 12:01:33

 
SHA SHA Vote score: 194SHA SHA

Who smoked all my dabs??

05/04/21 1:39:50

 
Lady Scotland Lady Scotland

She'd had her hair done,and got best dress on. Yet,two hours on, Nigel was jiggered and he still hasn't found her G spot

04/04/21 14:55:00

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11448Mr Dome

There's something about Mary

04/04/21 14:35:08

 
Ryan French Vote score: 19Ryan French

Not another one!

04/04/21 14:30:55

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

"I could have sworn I told him it was just a one night stand"

04/04/21 13:31:54

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24475Ian Skelding

"Oh no, he's had a Gareth Bale haircut.."

04/04/21 13:00:26

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

"He's wearing my high heels again"

04/04/21 13:00:10

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2788Mark Wilson

"Damn too late, now Dave's got the only chair and I'll have to stand all night watching TV again"

04/04/21 12:57:40

 
SnapDragon D Vote score: 153SnapDragon D

Average housewife wakes up in the most terrifying Twilight Zone, married to a MANBUN!

04/04/21 12:56:42

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 14013Dave Bryan

''Why can't he stare at my tits like that?''

''Don't worry, Joan, he will when you're wearing the new Wonder-Bra. Men find them irresistable. Now on sale at a department store near you.''

04/04/21 12:38:57

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33732Tony Edwards

Back in the day when men had to get married to have sex and even then it wasn't guaranteed.

04/04/21 12:37:17

 
Stephen Paterson Vote score: 3448Stephen Paterson

Christ, Dave still can't get it up. Bloody Sturgeon must've been on the telly again today.
Jane had been responsible for her own orgasm for the best part of a year now.

04/04/21 12:28:18

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23987Michael Winner

"What more do I need to do to get his attention? Dye my hair blonde? Get bigger breasts? Stop supergluing my left hand to my forehead?"

04/04/21 12:18:57

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23987Michael Winner

George A. Romero's 'Thursday Afternoon Of The Living Dead'.

04/04/21 12:16:30

 
The Wolf Vote score: 11777The Wolf

"Dave, you can chill out and watch TV. I'm more than happy with this rolling pin"

04/04/21 12:16:02

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 14013Dave Bryan

After three years the marriage was beginning to look shakey. Only a new vacuum cleaner could save it.

04/04/21 12:14:19

 
C CaMel Vote score: 7032C CaMel

"If you experience technical issues during the bungee jumping championship, ensure that your television and aerials are the right way up."

04/04/21 12:12:09

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7932Hercules Rockefeller

"Damn, why didn't I bother to pay extra for the higher fidelity?"

04/04/21 12:09:25

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 1103alexandra ball

John soon regretted not facing the tv and chair towards the door.

04/04/21 12:05:59

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 20294Troompa Loompa

Ogle-box

04/04/21 12:03:11

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7932Hercules Rockefeller

"How can he possibly love that idiot's box more than me?"

04/04/21 12:01:19

 
Al Overy Vote score: 4775Al Overy

Ted had previously dated that presenter. Now Jane was finding there was too much ex on TV.

04/04/21 12:00:52

 
Molly R Vote score: 2639Molly R

Kevin had adapted perfectly to lockdown.

04/04/21 12:00:08

 
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