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"If you were at your desk all morning, Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterleys Lover?"
"If you were at your desk all morning, Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterleys Lover?" photo | portfolio
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Al Overy Vote score: 3720Al Overy

"If you were 'at your desk all morning', Mildred, how do explain this battered courgette next to an open copy of Lady Chatterley's Lover?"

12/02/21 12:00:37

 2
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"Hi there, am doing a report on librarians food habits. Can you tell me your favourite kebab?"

"Shhsh."

12/02/21 12:28:07

 1
""Hi there, am doing a report on librarians most used words." "Shhsh." --Willie Johnson
Stu Dent Vote score: 5150Stu Dent

Susan found it hard to adapt since leaving her last job as a usherette in the local cinema

12/02/21 13:59:39

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5283Kenny Ireland

Library picture.

12/02/21 12:09:53

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 5283Kenny Ireland

The library seemed to employ girls with good headlamps.

12/02/21 14:22:22

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"So you've missed your period. Ok I'll examine you with this home pregnancy test. As a librarian you should never be overdue."

12/02/21 13:01:41

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

" I must give you a full internal examination Maureen. It's the only way we're going to get to the bottom of this missing rubber stamp."

12/02/21 12:41:31

 1
In the end, she will get to the bottom of this. --Willie Johnson
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33414Tony Edwards

"Have you ever used a strap-on before?"

12/02/21 12:38:43

 4
"Yes, indeed I have. I'm so co-ordinated in the use of a strap-on that I can even balance a tray of books on it." --Glyn Evans
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24010Ian Skelding

"Was it you who put all the Prince Phillip biographies under Greek Tragedies?"

12/02/21 16:20:51

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11495Neil Mackenzie

With this device you will be able to read a man’s mind.
Will I be able to read a woman’s mind?
Don’t be silly, we think on a multi lane highway, but men just have a one track mind.

12/02/21 15:33:01

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"Take it Jane. Strap it to your head, and let's spend the afternoon playing Daleks."

12/02/21 12:45:15

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11082Mr Dome

Where have you hidden the pair of Walnut Whips, Dorothy?

12/02/21 12:13:16

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 10304Chris Keegan

"Excuse me, I'm looking for a light read"

12/02/21 12:01:43

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 14259Vanessa the Guesser

Having been accused of removing all of the gynaecology books, Jenny became the victim of a smear campaign.

12/02/21 12:56:29

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 13169Dave Bryan

''That's the last cucumber you bring into the library. Your salad days are over.''

12/02/21 12:25:16

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24010Ian Skelding

Bibliotèch

12/02/21 12:23:56

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 427Gavin Smithers

Even at school, the future Princess Diana was always going on about land mines.

12/02/21 19:00:30

 
Anthony Smith Vote score: 110Anthony Smith

"Why did you not use your headlamp?"
"You look ridiculous in it"

12/02/21 16:36:45

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11495Neil Mackenzie

My guess is there are six headlamps in this photo.

12/02/21 15:41:11

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11495Neil Mackenzie

Theresa how are we going to get through Brexit, if you’ve removed the light from the end of the tunnel.

12/02/21 15:24:49

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21297John Glover

"It's a microphone Miss Jones, yes it was on my husbands desk. So, since when have you been called Dimples and how long have you been smacking my Donald's bare bottom with the Coronation edition of the London Illustrated news?"

12/02/21 13:22:04

 
The Wolf Vote score: 10785The Wolf

"Ok, this is called a fleshlight. Pop it on your boyfriend's willy tonight and he'll be so preoccupied that he'll hopefully stop sucking your nipples so hard. Poor thing, let me get you some germolene. And people said working in a library would be boring"

12/02/21 12:41:58

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"So from now on, instead of stamping peoples books, We just read the Bill Gates microchip from the covid jab."

12/02/21 12:34:55

 
Tony S Vote score: 681Tony S

Come on Elizabeth just let me film you using this electronic vibrator. I can assure you once you are Queen your family will do far worse to embarrass the Royal family.

12/02/21 12:15:29

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 323Mauris Iocus

“Oh quit yer moaning, it’s fully tested & approved. I’ve done it, so has Madge. It's like a gentle abrasive pencil sharpener. Carol, you’ve been warned, those nips are just too pointy for this office.”

12/02/21 12:00:18

 
Leeds Baggie Vote score: 30Leeds Baggie

A moment of dread for Betty. She knew these head torches were like her new top, too big or too tight

13/02/21 18:03:32

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2346Willie Johnson

"I'm ready to do some spelunking. Are you in?
...I'm in if you let me."

12/02/21 18:19:09

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11495Neil Mackenzie

So you’re telling me your colleges put PVA all over your head torch because they think you’re stuck up.

12/02/21 15:22:41

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7534Glyn Evans

"Now Cecille, did you eat my Cornetto?"

12/02/21 13:04:18

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3231Scrijjy Doo

"I found this double D battery in your vibrator."

12/02/21 13:02:17

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3231Scrijjy Doo

Gynecology isn't an exact science.

12/02/21 13:00:14

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33414Tony Edwards

Lightbrarians

12/02/21 12:56:56

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3231Scrijjy Doo

Lesbrarians

12/02/21 12:53:50

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 14630Stephen Bean

"Velma Dinkley! I just found this listening equipment and empty tin of Scooby snacks under Fred's bed. Have you and Scrappy Doo been listening to us shagging again?" said Daphne.

12/02/21 12:52:46

 3
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

So its the new experimetal lady shave. Have you got a Brazilian?"

"Brazilian! I've got the whole of South America."

12/02/21 12:25:52

 1
Leeds Baggie Vote score: 30Leeds Baggie

Betty, it's your turn to fill the photocopier toner

12/02/21 12:22:15

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 13169Dave Bryan

''This vibrator I found on your desk speaks volumes about your depraved habits.''

12/02/21 12:16:54

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11082Mr Dome

Are you cooking the books, Mavis?

12/02/21 12:11:02

 
Leeds Baggie Vote score: 30Leeds Baggie

Betty knew that bitch Doris would find her stash of tinned fruit; she would have to spill the beans

12/02/21 12:01:15

 
The Wolf Vote score: 10785The Wolf

"I don't know why Mildred, but I've got a sudden urge to stick this right up your jacksie"

12/02/21 12:00:16

 
Molly R Vote score: 2503Molly R

"Abigail Jones, you are junior librarian here at the East Cheam Public Library. Can you tell our viewers what should be their go-to reads now that World War II is over?"

12/02/21 12:00:11

 2
As an ex-North Cheam resident, where was the East Cheam Library? --Leeds Baggie
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