"For fucks sake Tiger! Just take a drop shot."

11/02/21 8:09:29

There was a roof protest at Strangeways prison today. Plain clothes wardens were sent up to quell the disturbance. Using sticks and force they managed to subdue the roof and are now listening to its grievances.

11/02/21 8:35:57

Homes Under The Hammer

11/02/21 8:00:13

''Dave, forget the mosquito.''

11/02/21 8:07:59

"This week, on 'Extreme Croquet'..."

11/02/21 10:09:36

Home wrecker.

11/02/21 8:13:16

"So the two young gentlemen were fixing my gutters when they said they noticed a loose tile, and asked if I'd like them to fix it for a small charge. Such nice young men."

11/02/21 8:29:34

Crash in the Attic

11/02/21 8:26:12

"The mother in law is coming to stay this weekend. It's taking me a while to get her room in the attic ready but she's worth the effort."

11/02/21 8:02:51

"Right, that's it, Dave- from now on, you're on decaff."

11/02/21 10:08:19

“That cheeky bastard up there is on furlough, I’m afraid we’ve got a fiddler on the roof.”

11/02/21 9:31:10

"I think we should stop holding Anger Management Courses at the Stately home your Lordship."

11/02/21 8:21:53

During the Parkhurst prison riots Dave was pulling the flashing off the roof, ironically he was serving three years for pulling himself off while flashing in the park.

11/02/21 8:55:59

They were soon reprimanded by the 1970's safety officer, for not wearing the right flares.

11/02/21 8:23:38

Loft Subversion

11/02/21 8:21:27

“Why won’t it just fall, like building 7?”

11/02/21 8:03:27

Jack of clubs.

13/02/21 12:49:28

"Donald Trump sent me. I want my country back."
"Uh, you do realize this is the U.K. don't you."

11/02/21 20:58:01

Razing the roof.

11/02/21 13:37:48

Reports just coming in of an enormous row between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills

11/02/21 10:26:15

Dave was not in the best mood after a night on the tiles

11/02/21 9:19:55

"Let's go for a bevvy now, Dave. When you suggested 'a night on the tiles' I thought...'

11/02/21 8:49:29

Gable ended

11/02/21 8:32:37

In those days demolition was really cheap. They just left the local kids to it.

11/02/21 8:25:42

They were warned not to build their gay bath house next to the church.

11/02/21 8:01:30

Eaveschopping

11/02/21 8:00:20

You never hear about the fourth little pig.

11/02/21 19:03:25

"Bloody gatecrashers!"

11/02/21 11:32:51

Dave and Paddy were proud that several reviews gave their Roof Repair Company a good slating

11/02/21 10:22:05

The Bash Street Kids

11/02/21 9:59:16

The house that Jack built

11/02/21 9:48:18

8 years into his prison sentence it was becoming too much for Joe. He needed to get out, see his mates, meet a few women, go down the pub, see his team play and holiday in Spain again. Then the warden explained and Joe popped back to his cell looking forward to lunch.

11/02/21 9:45:14

The moment HMP Wakefield’s governor realised he really needed to return the confiscated balls to the pool room.

11/02/21 9:11:47

Only Fools and Houses

11/02/21 8:33:45

Frustration got the better of Tom not finding anything valuable with his metal detector.

11/02/21 8:17:35

“Ooooh, play the ball where it lands” Stupid rule, crap driver, impossible crosswind, I swear, if I’m over par, I’m gonna KONK somebody!

11/02/21 8:08:46

Clumsy Jack

11/02/21 8:07:23

"Yeah Dave, in golf that's not how you hit a birdie"

11/02/21 8:05:57

"He must be at least fore stories up."

11/02/21 8:02:39

Hammer Horror

11/02/21 8:02:16

♫ Stop! Hammer Time! ♫

11/02/21 8:00:48

"You and your student parties! Breaking Covid restrictions every weekend!"

11/02/21 8:00:33

After some 'interesting' early trials, scientists decided to reduce the amount of taurine in Red Bull.

11/02/21 8:00:21