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"For fucks sake Tiger! Just take a drop shot."
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stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"For fucks sake Tiger! Just take a drop shot."

11/02/21 8:09:29

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

There was a roof protest at Strangeways prison today. Plain clothes wardens were sent up to quell the disturbance. Using sticks and force they managed to subdue the roof and are now listening to its grievances.

11/02/21 8:35:57

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 13169Dave Bryan

Homes Under The Hammer

11/02/21 8:00:13

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 13169Dave Bryan

''Dave, forget the mosquito.''

11/02/21 8:07:59

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23773Michael Winner

"This week, on 'Extreme Croquet'..."

11/02/21 10:09:36

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24010Ian Skelding

Home wrecker.

11/02/21 8:13:16

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

"So the two young gentlemen were fixing my gutters when they said they noticed a loose tile, and asked if I'd like them to fix it for a small charge. Such nice young men."

11/02/21 8:29:34

 1
And just like that, gutters & tiles are no longer a problem. --Mauris Iocus
Stephen Bean Vote score: 14630Stephen Bean

Crash in the Attic

11/02/21 8:26:12

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 14630Stephen Bean

"The mother in law is coming to stay this weekend. It's taking me a while to get her room in the attic ready but she's worth the effort."

11/02/21 8:02:51

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 23773Michael Winner

"Right, that's it, Dave- from now on, you're on decaff."

11/02/21 10:08:19

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5824Paul Reeve

“That cheeky bastard up there is on furlough, I’m afraid we’ve got a fiddler on the roof.”

11/02/21 9:31:10

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24010Ian Skelding

"I think we should stop holding Anger Management Courses at the Stately home your Lordship."

11/02/21 8:21:53

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11495Neil Mackenzie

During the Parkhurst prison riots Dave was pulling the flashing off the roof, ironically he was serving three years for pulling himself off while flashing in the park.

11/02/21 8:55:59

 3
I like this, but reckon you could maintain the parallel completely: "on a roof" instead of "in the park". Just a suggestion, feel free to ignore.  --James Lennox
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

They were soon reprimanded by the 1970's safety officer, for not wearing the right flares.

11/02/21 8:23:38

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1382Dot Old

Loft Subversion

11/02/21 8:21:27

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 323Mauris Iocus

“Why won’t it just fall, like building 7?”

11/02/21 8:03:27

 
Peter Houle Vote score: 268Peter Houle

Jack of clubs.

13/02/21 12:49:28

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 2346Willie Johnson

"Donald Trump sent me. I want my country back."
"Uh, you do realize this is the U.K. don't you."

11/02/21 20:58:01

 
Barrie Bullock Vote score: 678Barrie Bullock

Razing the roof.

11/02/21 13:37:48

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 11082Mr Dome

Reports just coming in of an enormous row between Paul McCartney and Heather Mills

11/02/21 10:26:15

 1
Is that her leg he's swinging about? On this issue, I guess he's really putting her foot down. --Mauris Iocus
Chris Keegan Vote score: 10304Chris Keegan

Dave was not in the best mood after a night on the tiles

11/02/21 9:19:55

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7142Vivvy En

"Let's go for a bevvy now, Dave. When you suggested 'a night on the tiles' I thought...'

11/02/21 8:49:29

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1382Dot Old

Gable ended

11/02/21 8:32:37

 
stone face Vote score: 8729stone face

In those days demolition was really cheap. They just left the local kids to it.

11/02/21 8:25:42

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 323Mauris Iocus

They were warned not to build their gay bath house next to the church.

11/02/21 8:01:30

 1
Priests don't like any competition for choirboys? --Mauris Iocus
Dot Old Vote score: 1382Dot Old

Eaveschopping

11/02/21 8:00:20

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3231Scrijjy Doo

You never hear about the fourth little pig.

11/02/21 19:03:25

 1
Check the next caption photo... she's not going without... 8 squares a day... & I don't mean roofing tiles. --Mauris Iocus
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33414Tony Edwards

"Bloody gatecrashers!"

11/02/21 11:32:51

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 7142Vivvy En

Dave and Paddy were proud that several reviews gave their Roof Repair Company a good slating

11/02/21 10:22:05

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 33414Tony Edwards

The Bash Street Kids

11/02/21 9:59:16

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 990alexandra ball

The house that Jack built

11/02/21 9:48:18

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 10304Chris Keegan

8 years into his prison sentence it was becoming too much for Joe. He needed to get out, see his mates, meet a few women, go down the pub, see his team play and holiday in Spain again. Then the warden explained and Joe popped back to his cell looking forward to lunch.

11/02/21 9:45:14

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 657Ellen Duncalf

The moment HMP Wakefield’s governor realised he really needed to return the confiscated balls to the pool room.

11/02/21 9:11:47

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 14630Stephen Bean

Only Fools and Houses

11/02/21 8:33:45

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 24010Ian Skelding

Frustration got the better of Tom not finding anything valuable with his metal detector.

11/02/21 8:17:35

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 323Mauris Iocus

“Ooooh, play the ball where it lands” Stupid rule, crap driver, impossible crosswind, I swear, if I’m over par, I’m gonna KONK somebody!

11/02/21 8:08:46

 
Dot Old Vote score: 1382Dot Old

Clumsy Jack

11/02/21 8:07:23

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7534Glyn Evans

"Yeah Dave, in golf that's not how you hit a birdie"

11/02/21 8:05:57

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 7636Hercules Rockefeller

"He must be at least fore stories up."

11/02/21 8:02:39

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 13169Dave Bryan

Hammer Horror

11/02/21 8:02:16

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 323Mauris Iocus

♫ Stop! Hammer Time! ♫

11/02/21 8:00:48

 
Molly R Vote score: 2503Molly R

"You and your student parties! Breaking Covid restrictions every weekend!"

11/02/21 8:00:33

 
Al Overy Vote score: 3720Al Overy

After some 'interesting' early trials, scientists decided to reduce the amount of taurine in Red Bull.

11/02/21 8:00:21

 
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