Who said being a Vegan means you can’t get a square meal?

04/01/21 20:38:19

"and the winner of the oldest slice of bread is..."

04/01/21 20:25:37

Inner city households given access to green areas during lockdown.

04/01/21 20:22:55

"Mr Hulk? Your new toupee is ready."

04/01/21 20:01:13

Piece of land with building permission, Central London, £50,000 no offers.

04/01/21 20:16:06

Turfalgar Square

04/01/21 20:11:03

"Juan, if you're out of toilet paper use this."

"Gracias!"

04/01/21 20:34:15

I'm finding this lockdown a little turf

04/01/21 20:32:46

My husband has recently started work laying artificial grass for a landscaping company. It’s very hard work for not much money, but there are perks. He sneakily tears out a swatch from a sample book every day and we store them in the shed.
In less than 6 years, we’ll have a realistic, trendy looking patchwork front lawn that cost nothing!

04/01/21 23:28:52

The Lawn arRanger

04/01/21 21:53:57

Dave was told that his blind date was a bit of a cow so he got things ready indoors in case he got lucky.

04/01/21 20:41:39

"Yes, my dad's a turf accountant."

04/01/21 20:40:24

The grass is always greener

04/01/21 20:36:11

You too can be a Lord by purchasing one square foot of Scotland!

04/01/21 20:32:05

"It doesn't fit my back garden."

"That's Sod's Law."

04/01/21 20:30:21

The hand of Sod

04/01/21 20:29:02

"Hello, is that Miracle Gro? Listen, I want a f-cking refund"

04/01/21 20:25:32

"The new stay at home order would be easier to take...if I had a bigger garden."

04/01/21 20:22:08

''Don't talk to me about captioneering. It's like watching grass grow.''

04/01/21 20:19:53

"Look at my collection of blades"

04/01/21 20:16:29

The Lawnmover Man

04/01/21 20:02:21

Leo dashes to the local b&q to get a new centre piece for the garden in his 1 bed apartment in Charing Cross before full lockdown begins.

04/01/21 20:00:47

Before Gulliver began his first day at Lilliput AstroTurf, he carefully prepared his sales pitch.

04/01/21 20:00:41

"Help! This guy touching me didn't sanitise his hands!"

"Ooh you little grass!"

04/01/21 20:00:12

Many bands are going eco now, check out the new Oasis album.

07/01/21 14:51:26

Supergrass.

06/01/21 11:21:38

Green fingers

05/01/21 9:12:27

Post-Brexit supply chain issues reduced Wetherspoon's legendary 'surf and turf' to a lump of grass and a mug of seawater. 'Sod it!' said Tim Martin.

05/01/21 8:10:04

The Jolly Green Bikini Wax.

05/01/21 7:36:01

Hands of Green Gable

04/01/21 22:24:20

Serf and Turf

04/01/21 22:21:52

"Dave, I know you heard it was all the rage, but honestly, you'll never be a carpet muncher"

04/01/21 21:48:35

Wembley '77 just suddenly sprang to mind.

04/01/21 20:44:18