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Who said being a Vegan means you can’t get a square meal?
Who said being a Vegan means you can’t get a square meal? photo | portfolio
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John Llamas Vote score: 20052John Llamas

Who said being a Vegan means you can’t get a square meal?

04/01/21 20:38:19

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13856Vanessa the Guesser

"and the winner of the oldest slice of bread is..."

04/01/21 20:25:37

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 4945Stu Dent

Inner city households given access to green areas during lockdown.

04/01/21 20:22:55

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

"Mr Hulk? Your new toupee is ready."

04/01/21 20:01:13

 3
"You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry" (Line from the Incredible Hulk) I wouldn't like you anyway. (An ill advised retort)  --Willie Johnson
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 11358Neil Mackenzie

Piece of land with building permission, Central London, £50,000 no offers.

04/01/21 20:16:06

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 4372Crunchy Chords

Turfalgar Square

04/01/21 20:11:03

 
James Lennox Vote score: 7186James Lennox

"Juan, if you're out of toilet paper use this."

"Gracias!"

04/01/21 20:34:15

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 10835Mr Dome

I'm finding this lockdown a little turf

04/01/21 20:32:46

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 1905Karen Oakenfull

My husband has recently started work laying artificial grass for a landscaping company. It’s very hard work for not much money, but there are perks. He sneakily tears out a swatch from a sample book every day and we store them in the shed.
In less than 6 years, we’ll have a realistic, trendy looking patchwork front lawn that cost nothing!

04/01/21 23:28:52

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 19206Troompa Loompa

The Lawn arRanger

04/01/21 21:53:57

 
John Llamas Vote score: 20052John Llamas

Dave was told that his blind date was a bit of a cow so he got things ready indoors in case he got lucky.

04/01/21 20:41:39

 
John  Glover Vote score: 21229John Glover

"Yes, my dad's a turf accountant."

04/01/21 20:40:24

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 928alexandra ball

The grass is always greener

04/01/21 20:36:11

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 766Charles Gilbert

You too can be a Lord by purchasing one square foot of Scotland!

04/01/21 20:32:05

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 13856Vanessa the Guesser

"It doesn't fit my back garden."

"That's Sod's Law."

04/01/21 20:30:21

 
Mark England Vote score: 17594Mark England

The hand of Sod

04/01/21 20:29:02

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9944The Wolf

"Hello, is that Miracle Gro? Listen, I want a f-cking refund"

04/01/21 20:25:32

 
The Wolf Vote score: 9944The Wolf

"The new stay at home order would be easier to take...if I had a bigger garden."

04/01/21 20:22:08

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 12536Dave Bryan

''Don't talk to me about captioneering. It's like watching grass grow.''

04/01/21 20:19:53

 1
Little known fact: Timber Bamboo is a grass (it's in the Grass family, Poaceae) and it can grow so fast that you can actually see it grow in real time. --Willie Johnson
Glyn Evans Vote score: 7319Glyn Evans

"Look at my collection of blades"

04/01/21 20:16:29

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 13821Stephen Bean

The Lawnmover Man

04/01/21 20:02:21

 
Ellen Duncalf Vote score: 528Ellen Duncalf

Leo dashes to the local b&q to get a new centre piece for the garden in his 1 bed apartment in Charing Cross before full lockdown begins.

04/01/21 20:00:47

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

Before Gulliver began his first day at Lilliput AstroTurf, he carefully prepared his sales pitch.

04/01/21 20:00:41

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

"Help! This guy touching me didn't sanitise his hands!"

"Ooh you little grass!"

04/01/21 20:00:12

 
Mauris Iocus Vote score: 37Mauris Iocus

Many bands are going eco now, check out the new Oasis album.

07/01/21 14:51:26

 
Tamsin Boldick Tamsin Boldick

Supergrass.

06/01/21 11:21:38

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 2197Mark Wilson

Green fingers

05/01/21 9:12:27

 
Al Overy Vote score: 2855Al Overy

Post-Brexit supply chain issues reduced Wetherspoon's legendary 'surf and turf' to a lump of grass and a mug of seawater. 'Sod it!' said Tim Martin.

05/01/21 8:10:04

 
C CaMel Vote score: 6753C CaMel

The Jolly Green Bikini Wax.

05/01/21 7:36:01

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3020Scrijjy Doo

Hands of Green Gable

04/01/21 22:24:20

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 3020Scrijjy Doo

Serf and Turf

04/01/21 22:21:52

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4915Lucky Elperro

"Dave, I know you heard it was all the rage, but honestly, you'll never be a carpet muncher"

04/01/21 21:48:35

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 23582Ian Skelding

Wembley '77 just suddenly sprang to mind.

04/01/21 20:44:18

 
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