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Cut the shit.
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Paul Reeve Vote score: 5368Paul Reeve

Cut the shit.

27/03/20 8:00:55

 1
Nice. --Scrijjy Doo
Stephen Bean Vote score: 7989Stephen Bean

Weapon of ass destruction

27/03/20 8:00:37

 1
Bush was right after all. --Scrijjy Doo
Stephen Bean Vote score: 7989Stephen Bean

Stab in the dark

27/03/20 8:33:02

 1
Good one. --Scrijjy Doo
Molly R Vote score: 1509Molly R

You can stick that up your arse.

27/03/20 8:05:31

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1062Rachel P

Jacksy the Ripper

27/03/20 8:00:20

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8090Dave Bryan

I used to enjoy squeezing my wife's hemorrhoid but she told me to cut it out.

27/03/20 8:25:10

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1062Rachel P

When the prune juice fails!

27/03/20 10:05:09

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 17198Troompa Loompa

Jabber the Butt

27/03/20 9:04:16

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14378Dan Nicholls

For harvesting grapes.

27/03/20 8:00:12

 2
Sour grapes? Or the grapes of wrath? --Willie Johnson
Mark Wilson Vote score: 722Mark Wilson

How to get in touch with your inner self

27/03/20 9:57:54

 
Chris Halliwell Vote score: 4871Chris Halliwell

Blade Bummer.

27/03/20 9:51:20

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6293Glyn Evans

"You call that a knife? - It is a knife but the fact that you've shoved the handle up your arse and are using it as a stabbing tail makes no sense to me."

27/03/20 8:57:07

 1
Well that's that knife smuggling operation foiled, turns out it was a half-arsed job.  --Glyn Evans
The Wolf Vote score: 6668The Wolf

Oh come on. We all like sticking things up our bum during lockdown but be sensible guys, don't put pressure on the NHS.

27/03/20 8:11:47

 
Rachel P Vote score: 1062Rachel P

Larseration

27/03/20 9:19:55

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 7989Stephen Bean

Poke and dagger

27/03/20 8:20:24

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8090Dave Bryan

''Doctor, recently I've noticed blood in my faeces. What should I do?''

''Use a blunter knife.''

27/03/20 8:10:17

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1203Willie Johnson

Only for use in cutting the cheese.

27/03/20 8:08:05

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 2948Crunchy Chords

Who would commit such an anus act?

27/03/20 14:35:09

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31000Tony Edwards

"They do like it up 'em!"

27/03/20 10:03:47

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14378Dan Nicholls

Dave, re-do these labels again. It's for RENTAL use.

27/03/20 9:46:52

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22820Michael Winner

I'll never understand the rules of cricket.

27/03/20 9:06:36

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 7989Stephen Bean

"Day 13 of partial lockdown and this arrives in the post. I wonder if I might be getting on the wife's nerves."

27/03/20 8:03:00

 
Ron  Allan Vote score: 5466Ron Allan

Butter knife

28/03/20 3:30:18

 
Fozzgog B. Vote score: 40Fozzgog B.

Okay I'll have a stab at it

27/03/20 22:07:38

 
alexandra ball Vote score: 238alexandra ball

This will be the only option if people don't stockpiling toilet rolls.

27/03/20 16:02:23

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20131John Glover

Yup, definately wrecked all.
(Just seen it nod to 8.00.18)

27/03/20 13:37:53

 1
Definitely!  --Dot Old
Michael Winner Vote score: 22820Michael Winner

The toilet roll crisis continues.

27/03/20 9:05:39

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1203Willie Johnson

No ifs, ands or... well, butts are ok.

27/03/20 8:30:14

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5147C CaMel

The sticker transferred from my cucumber.

27/03/20 8:16:24

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10907Vanessa the Guesser

Caution: enter at your own risk.

27/03/20 8:15:56

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5368Paul Reeve

“So what seems to be the problem Mr Brown?”
“Well Doctor, ever since my wife introduced a sex toy into our sex life, I’ve e been getting these stabbing pains during sex.”

27/03/20 8:14:41

 1
You've got it the wrong way. --Scrijjy Doo
Stu Dent Vote score: 3439Stu Dent

Arse-nick but no old lace

27/03/20 8:04:11

 
James Lennox Vote score: 4918James Lennox

As used by ass-ass-ins.

27/03/20 8:02:03

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 1924Scrijjy Doo

Never get a prostrate exam in North Korea.

27/03/20 14:23:48

 
Generic RedHead Vote score: 609Generic RedHead

Dr Myers will see you now.

27/03/20 11:42:57

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 31000Tony Edwards

..........for a rectal dysfunction

27/03/20 9:35:57

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 21592Ian Skelding

"OK, could you bring the equipment for the genitals, be careful though, it generates 50,000 volts."

27/03/20 9:30:24

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 17198Troompa Loompa

Not something you'd want to encounter up a dark alley.

27/03/20 8:54:46

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 8976Mr Dome

As used by turd burglars

27/03/20 8:50:22

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5147C CaMel

Butt to ribbons.

27/03/20 8:39:33

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8090Dave Bryan

Manchester Mutilator very methodical say police.

27/03/20 8:31:56

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1203Willie Johnson

Anus slicer as much as a stabber.

27/03/20 8:23:59

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5280Vivvy En

It's just a knife - don't be so anal

27/03/20 8:21:42

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10907Vanessa the Guesser

🎵 First cut is the deepest 🎵

27/03/20 8:07:58

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 8976Mr Dome

Great for chopring

27/03/20 8:07:39

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8090Dave Bryan

Jacksie knife

27/03/20 8:05:35

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1203Willie Johnson

Why does this remind me of The Beatles song "We Can Work It Out"?

27/03/20 8:02:06

 
Dev B Vote score: 548Dev B

Carve your turd

27/03/20 8:01:34

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10227Neil Mackenzie

I use it on my farts. Pharrrrp! Cripes that’s so thick you can cut it with a knife.

27/03/20 8:01:05

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 8090Dave Bryan

The pile on the carpet is longer than I expected.

27/03/20 8:00:32

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1203Willie Johnson

I'm sure it's rectal lot of them. Just wrecked 'um.

27/03/20 8:00:18

 
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