£50
WINNER

lol x6

"I'm afraid the mammogram machine's broken down Mrs Brown, so I'm just going to grab your tits and have a good ol' squeeze."

26/02/20 12:00:54

lol

''How are you going to cure me?''

''Just Like That!''

26/02/20 12:03:06

"While we are specialists in cosmetic surgery, unfortunately on this occasion you need to accept that you're old and ugly".

26/02/20 12:00:11

I'm sorry to say, MASSIVE MOLE.

26/02/20 12:04:36

Hemorrhoids are painful but due to the NHS trying to cut waiting lists we are now able to offer Euthanasia as an alternative to cream now Mable.

26/02/20 17:39:18

Good news and bad news Vera. Good news is tumour hasn't got any bigger so life expectancy is still 6 months, bad news is I was supposed to tell you that on your last appointment 5 months ago.

26/02/20 17:05:16

And your new name will be Doris Yeltsin.

26/02/20 12:13:50

"Look into the eyes, not around the eyes, but directly into my eyes..."

26/02/20 12:02:22

Now if you were a man part A of the brain would be connected to part B and part B to part C. But since you are a woman, part A is connected to part B,C,D,E,F,G...............Z.

26/02/20 12:00:41

Some of the best urine samples I've ever seen in my 15 years as a doctor Mrs Jones so I've displayed them in my office.

26/02/20 17:30:26

"Well we've had the brain scan results back, and I can tell you with, a 100% confidence, that you've definitely got one."

26/02/20 13:10:02

Well, Gladys, for our next scene I'll be riding your from behind and grabbing your buttocks like this, whilst you and Stella get it on together. Clear? Great, then let's get you lubed up

26/02/20 12:14:33

Sorry, we have to turn you away. No more plastic surgery, Cher.

26/02/20 12:12:35

Well after your gender reassignment we should have you back presenting This Morning in no time, Philip

26/02/20 12:08:11

"I could make you a designer vagina about so big"

26/02/20 12:04:09

"I'm sorry but your insurance only covers the weigh-in."

26/02/20 15:57:48

"...listen carefully babushka, I will touch your breasts gently to make Dr. Vinogradova jealous..do not worry, she speaks no English...do you Dr. Vinogradova?

"Dah"

26/02/20 13:46:04

"Well it's definitely a birth mark, or a mark from birth if you like. To be honest it's a bit late in the day for surgery. Basically, you've had that many children, your fanny will always be this wide."

26/02/20 13:16:23

I'm just going to show you a technique I learned from my mentor, Harold Shipman.

26/02/20 13:10:55

Well Doctor, my wife and I cannot control our obsession for dressing up as medical people.

26/02/20 13:08:34

"Don't worry Mrs Jones, a vaginal examination is not painful, I'll just demonstrate on this junior doctor here."

26/02/20 13:05:20

''Touch me, doctor, and make me well.''

''I can't perform miracles.''

''I thought you were God.''

26/02/20 12:32:21

See, if I strangle you from this angle, you'll see me coming, so I'm going to ask my colleague Dr Morris who is standing behind you to do it for me whilst you're not expecting it."

26/02/20 12:07:32

"You'd need a lot more than just one apple a day to keep me away."

26/02/20 12:05:34

Dr Feelgood

26/02/20 12:03:17

"On a lighter note, when the zombie apocalypse happens, you'll probably end up walking around like this."

27/02/20 8:10:01

"The last time I saw Cecil , he was this big."
"How big?"
"This big!"

26/02/20 22:02:00

Casualtitty

26/02/20 20:05:58

I'm sorry the IVF hasn't worked this time Doris.

26/02/20 17:32:08

"BOO!!!" There ya go, hiccups gone.

26/02/20 17:28:20

"Here in Manchester Royal Infirmary you get to choose between 'Blues' doctors and 'Reds' doctors for your care. It's worth noting the 'Reds' killed more of their patients last month... Shall I tell her to piss off now?"

26/02/20 16:51:30

"Gramma- gram is covered under Medicare."

26/02/20 16:11:37

"Your ass reminds of Jello- soft and mushy."

26/02/20 16:00:35

"So let me get this straight! You both woke up to discover you had somehow switched bodies?"

26/02/20 13:12:12

Gripping Yarns

26/02/20 12:36:20

Dr. Stranglelove

26/02/20 12:27:47

We're going to pump a pint of silicone into each lip and you'll look exactly like Angelina Jolie.

26/02/20 12:12:09

''Now, what should we do about that hideous mole?''

''There's no need to get Ratty.''

26/02/20 12:11:29

If you grab the patient's boobs one more time, I'm reporting you to the GMC.

26/02/20 12:08:47

"You should of seen what we pulled out of Michael Barrymore's arsehole"

26/02/20 12:08:00

And then I held your husband's head like this and smashed it on the table like a melon. It's what he would have wanted.

26/02/20 12:05:31