cancel
lol creative clever

super vote: ( left this week)

now click a caption or
"Im afraid the mammogram machines broken down Mrs Brown, so Im just going to grab your tits and have a good ol squeeze."
"Im afraid the mammogram machines broken down Mrs Brown, so Im just going to grab your tits and have a good ol squeeze." photo | portfolio
© All Rights Reserved KaZzDaRaZz

To add captions, first sign up



Stephen Bean Vote score: 7732Stephen Bean

£50
WINNER

"I'm afraid the mammogram machine's broken down Mrs Brown, so I'm just going to grab your tits and have a good ol' squeeze."

26/02/20 12:00:54

 32
I'd already decided if I won I wanted to use the money to help caption.me. I've asked Chris if he might consider putting my winnings towards a second prize of £25 for Feb, and a second prize of £25 for March, and otherwise put it towards the c... --Stephen Bean
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7843Dave Bryan

''How are you going to cure me?''

''Just Like That!''

26/02/20 12:03:06

 10
I had a teacher who used to set his alarm for 3am so he could get up and have a ciggy... --James Lennox
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8159Chris Keegan

"While we are specialists in cosmetic surgery, unfortunately on this occasion you need to accept that you're old and ugly".

26/02/20 12:00:11

 1
"Can I have a second opinion?""Sure, you're not very bright either." --Willie Johnson
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14292Dan Nicholls

I'm sorry to say, MASSIVE MOLE.

26/02/20 12:04:36

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 683Mark Wilson

Hemorrhoids are painful but due to the NHS trying to cut waiting lists we are now able to offer Euthanasia as an alternative to cream now Mable.

26/02/20 17:39:18

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 683Mark Wilson

Good news and bad news Vera. Good news is tumour hasn't got any bigger so life expectancy is still 6 months, bad news is I was supposed to tell you that on your last appointment 5 months ago.

26/02/20 17:05:16

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 1874Scrijjy Doo

And your new name will be Doris Yeltsin.

26/02/20 12:13:50

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22741Michael Winner

"Look into the eyes, not around the eyes, but directly into my eyes..."

26/02/20 12:02:22

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10108Neil Mackenzie

Now if you were a man part A of the brain would be connected to part B and part B to part C. But since you are a woman, part A is connected to part B,C,D,E,F,G...............Z.

26/02/20 12:00:41

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 683Mark Wilson

Some of the best urine samples I've ever seen in my 15 years as a doctor Mrs Jones so I've displayed them in my office.

26/02/20 17:30:26

 
stone face Vote score: 6926stone face

"Well we've had the brain scan results back, and I can tell you with, a 100% confidence, that you've definitely got one."

26/02/20 13:10:02

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 8874Mr Dome

Well, Gladys, for our next scene I'll be riding your from behind and grabbing your buttocks like this, whilst you and Stella get it on together. Clear? Great, then let's get you lubed up

26/02/20 12:14:33

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 1874Scrijjy Doo

Sorry, we have to turn you away. No more plastic surgery, Cher.

26/02/20 12:12:35

 1
After that last "job" are you sure it was Cher? Better get a fingerprint for ID. --Willie Johnson
Mr Dome  Vote score: 8874Mr Dome

Well after your gender reassignment we should have you back presenting This Morning in no time, Philip

26/02/20 12:08:11

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10761Vanessa the Guesser

"I could make you a designer vagina about so big"

26/02/20 12:04:09

 
larry G. Vote score: 1446larry G.

“I’m sorry but your insurance only covers the weigh-in.”

26/02/20 15:57:48

 
Dev B Vote score: 540Dev B

"...listen carefully babushka, I will touch your breasts gently to make Dr. Vinogradova jealous..do not worry, she speaks no English...do you Dr. Vinogradova?

"Dah"

26/02/20 13:46:04

 
stone face Vote score: 6926stone face

"Well it's definitely a birth mark, or a mark from birth if you like. To be honest it's a bit late in the day for surgery. Basically, you've had that many children, your fanny will always be this wide."

26/02/20 13:16:23

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4202Lucky Elperro

I'm just going to show you a technique I learned from my mentor, Harold Shipman.

26/02/20 13:10:55

 
Lucky Elperro Vote score: 4202Lucky Elperro

Well Doctor, my wife and I cannot control our obsession for dressing up as medical people.

26/02/20 13:08:34

 
John  Glover Vote score: 20086John Glover

"Don't worry Mrs Jones, a vaginal examination is not painful, I'll just demonstrate on this junior doctor here."

26/02/20 13:05:20

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7843Dave Bryan

''Touch me, doctor, and make me well.''

''I can't perform miracles.''

''I thought you were God.''

26/02/20 12:32:21

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22741Michael Winner

See, if I strangle you from this angle, you'll see me coming, so I'm going to ask my colleague Dr Morris who is standing behind you to do it for me whilst you're not expecting it."

26/02/20 12:07:32

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 6332Hercules Rockefeller

"You'd need a lot more than just one apple a day to keep me away."

26/02/20 12:05:34

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Dr Feelgood

26/02/20 12:03:17

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6217Glyn Evans

"On a lighter note, when the zombie apocalypse happens, you'll probably end up walking around like this."

27/02/20 8:10:01

 
Madeline Charlton Vote score: 175Madeline Charlton

"The last time I saw Cecil , he was this big."
"How big?"
"This big!"

26/02/20 22:02:00

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Casualtitty

26/02/20 20:05:58

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 683Mark Wilson

I'm sorry the IVF hasn't worked this time Doris.

26/02/20 17:32:08

 1
"After fifty years straight, I think it may be time to give up." --Willie Johnson
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1148Willie Johnson

"BOO!!!" There ya go, hiccups gone.

26/02/20 17:28:20

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 7732Stephen Bean

"Here in Manchester Royal Infirmary you get to choose between 'Blues' doctors and 'Reds' doctors for your care. It's worth noting the 'Reds' killed more of their patients last month... Shall I tell her to piss off now?"

26/02/20 16:51:30

 1
The third option is United States doctors. Better technology but you have to pay half your monthly income. --Willie Johnson
larry G. Vote score: 1446larry G.

“Gramma- gram is covered under Medicare.”

26/02/20 16:11:37

 
larry G. Vote score: 1446larry G.

“Your ass reminds of Jello- soft and mushy.”

26/02/20 16:00:35

 
Rachel P Vote score: 962Rachel P

"So let me get this straight! You both woke up to discover you had somehow switched bodies?"

26/02/20 13:12:12

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 30916Tony Edwards

Gripping Yarns

26/02/20 12:36:20

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 30916Tony Edwards

Dr. Stranglelove

26/02/20 12:27:47

 
Scrijjy Doo Vote score: 1874Scrijjy Doo

We're going to pump a pint of silicone into each lip and you'll look exactly like Angelina Jolie.

26/02/20 12:12:09

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7843Dave Bryan

''Now, what should we do about that hideous mole?''

''There's no need to get Ratty.''

26/02/20 12:11:29

 
Molly R Vote score: 1485Molly R

If you grab the patient's boobs one more time, I'm reporting you to the GMC.

26/02/20 12:08:47

 
Mark England Vote score: 15986Mark England

"You should of seen what we pulled out of Michael Barrymore's arsehole"

26/02/20 12:08:00

 1
He must have a very painful arse - the amount of stuff that's been up it. --Dave Bryan
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14292Dan Nicholls

And then I held your husband's head like this and smashed it on the table like a melon. It's what he would have wanted.

26/02/20 12:05:31

 
more photos from the captioning gallery