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"Yes, am single."
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stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

"Yes, am single."

16/02/20 8:13:02

 
stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

One bed apartment. Phone included. Situated in city centre.
£2000 P.C.M...Islington . London.

16/02/20 8:31:06

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 9850Neil Mackenzie

A memory phone mattress.

16/02/20 8:04:52

 
James Lennox Vote score: 4512James Lennox

"Hi, it's me from last night. You remember, the threesome, I was the one on the bottom."

16/02/20 8:28:14

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 6810Stephen Bean

UK opens thousands of isolation units for coronavirus.

16/02/20 11:16:55

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 3211Stu Dent

Hi I am just wondering do you have a bed for the night.

16/02/20 9:27:09

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14063Dan Nicholls

Sorry, wrong slumber.

16/02/20 8:10:37

 
John  Glover Vote score: 19929John Glover

"Hello,... is that the Samaritans? ... I need help... I'm thinking of commiting matricide."

16/02/20 13:35:20

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 5230Paul Reeve

“Hello is that reception? I’d like to make a complaint, my room smells of piss.”

16/02/20 9:25:12

 
Rachel P Vote score: 629Rachel P

“Hello! Yes, I’m still trying to get through”

16/02/20 8:01:48

 
The Wolf Vote score: 5952The Wolf

“Night night, my bed’s calling”

16/02/20 8:00:06

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10327Vanessa the Guesser

"Can you please pick me up? My boyfriend dumped me in the lay-by."

16/02/20 8:36:45

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1016Willie Johnson

"Hello police? I'd like to report a missing box springs and headboard."

16/02/20 8:18:33

 
stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

Mobile foam..

16/02/20 8:05:42

 
Chris Halliwell Vote score: 4836Chris Halliwell

So that's what phone sex is.

16/02/20 9:31:22

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 30674Tony Edwards

Foams 4u

16/02/20 8:48:41

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5068Vivvy En

"Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir? I've got no clothes on..."

16/02/20 8:46:25

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10327Vanessa the Guesser

"I think you're lying."

16/02/20 8:23:11

 1
"I'm not lying, I'm an upright citizen." --Willie Johnson
Michael Winner Vote score: 22608Michael Winner

"Yes, that's right, I'm a twin."

16/02/20 8:18:46

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 9850Neil Mackenzie

Listen if you want a Silent Night you’d better pay the hush money.

16/02/20 8:01:15

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 6810Stephen Bean

"I find it really hard to get out of bed nowadays."

16/02/20 8:00:55

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 6810Stephen Bean

"Can we try some pillow talk?"

16/02/20 8:00:13

 
Charles Gilbert Vote score: 408Charles Gilbert

"Suicide hotline? Yes, I just, well... nothing really mattress anymore."

16/02/20 16:49:29

 
larry G. Vote score: 1429larry G.

Superman’s Apartment.

16/02/20 16:00:31

 
Mark Wilson Vote score: 464Mark Wilson

Hello James, have you got a bed for the night, yeah she's thrown me out..

16/02/20 9:33:16

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10327Vanessa the Guesser

Back pain? Try Dial-a-slipped-disc.

16/02/20 9:05:43

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 5068Vivvy En

"Sorry to spring this on you, but I've been bugged."

16/02/20 9:04:40

 
C CaMel Vote score: 4958C CaMel

My latest installation;
'Things what I've pissed into.'

16/02/20 8:49:08

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 6107Glyn Evans

"Shush, I'm under cover"

16/02/20 8:18:58

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7341Dave Bryan

''Don't make the decision right away. Why don't you sleep on it?''

16/02/20 8:18:04

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1016Willie Johnson

"I just want to let you know, I won't take this lying down."

16/02/20 8:16:36

 
stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

"And my date of berth is.."

16/02/20 8:14:20

 
stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

"Hello Johnny, am out of prison come and pick me up,,,Yes, I've just been sprung."

16/02/20 8:07:31

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14063Dan Nicholls

Hello, yes this is Matt Ress.

16/02/20 8:07:05

 
Rachel P Vote score: 629Rachel P

.... and they call me Lumpy and out of shape. The kids jump all over me and the dog never listens. Then, most mornings I get a pounding!

16/02/20 8:06:08

 
Dev B Vote score: 501Dev B

"Yes yes, okay okay, fine....it's late now, I will go back to bed"

16/02/20 8:04:06

 
G fj Vote score: 486G fj

B&B Air

17/02/20 15:53:20

 
sarah solway Vote score: 103sarah solway

Reports are coming in that more and more matresses are being found homeless on the streets each year.

17/02/20 8:10:28

 
sarah solway Vote score: 103sarah solway

The Night Watchman could hear his bed calling him!

17/02/20 8:01:32

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 21317Ian Skelding

"Not quite as roomy as my last one," said Dr Who.

16/02/20 12:13:38

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 94J Gaskill

“Maybe I should just go back to working at the brothel, dad. The money was good, and honestly I miss the cushion of a steady in-cum, even if mum can’t understand.

16/02/20 11:28:07

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 94J Gaskill

“This is your Sofa King. I have been sprung from the house of my captors. Send the twins to pick me up. I’ve got until sunset.”

16/02/20 11:21:28

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 3211Stu Dent

Do the curry come with pillow rice.

16/02/20 9:20:38

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 8150Chris Keegan

"Mum, can I stay for a sleepover?"

16/02/20 9:16:41

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 6210Hercules Rockefeller

Sleeptalker

16/02/20 8:42:34

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1016Willie Johnson

"Can I crash at your place tonight?"

16/02/20 8:34:34

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7341Dave Bryan

''I'm having problems with the delivery, boss. I can't find the address.''

16/02/20 8:28:50

 
stone face Vote score: 6755stone face

"Hello, Sunlife insurance, I'd like to report an accident. It was my fault, I was at the lights and I accidentally put my futon the pedal."

16/02/20 8:11:57

 
Willie Johnson Vote score: 1016Willie Johnson

"Listen, you'd bedder deliver the money or your (sleep) number is up."

16/02/20 8:09:18

 1
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14063Dan Nicholls

The Sun: ROD STEWART'S BED REVEALS ALL

16/02/20 8:09:16

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 7341Dave Bryan

''I need to be transported across town.''

''Don't worry, divan will be coming shortly.''

16/02/20 8:03:07

 
Rachel P Vote score: 629Rachel P

Ah! Crap, I divan any change left man!

16/02/20 8:01:05

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38783Welsh Rarebit

Boothdoir

16/02/20 8:00:39

 
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