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" Yes I fell asleep while the council were trimming the hedges"
" Yes I fell asleep while the council were trimming the hedges" photo | portfolio
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stone face Vote score: 4500stone face

" Yes I fell asleep while the council were trimming the hedges"

06/06/19 7:52:17

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 4703Dave Bryan

Clare Balding

05/06/19 21:08:32

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 36360Welsh Rarebit

"Yes, I am receeding, loud and clear, over and out..."

05/06/19 21:01:57

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20807Ian Skelding

"Alopecia."
"How many more times, my name is not Pecia"

05/06/19 21:25:14

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 2301Stu Dent

Hi mom, I have been in Salisbury for a few days now and everything is fine

05/06/19 21:36:49

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5994Chris Keegan

"Hi mum, I'm pretty sure I've got the head lice sorted. Any chance of coming home?"

05/06/19 22:03:38

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8637Vanessa the Guesser

Kylie has lost her hair extensions but police are combing the area.

05/06/19 20:42:50

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 905Karen Oakenfull

“Hi Sarah. Please tell me you didn’t fall asleep at the party last night, because apparently Josh had his eyebrows shaved off, Kevin got tattooed on his butt and Jenny’s face has been coloured in with green indelible ink!”
“I fell asleep.”

05/06/19 23:29:57

 
James Lennox Vote score: 2354James Lennox

"Hello Police? There's a bunch of foreigners pissing in the park again."

05/06/19 22:16:55

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 2301Stu Dent

Funny you should say that, I didn't know my boyfriends ex worked in quick cuts either

05/06/19 20:43:05

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20807Ian Skelding

"Beam me up Scottie."
"We've tried to but all that's come up is a toupee."

05/06/19 20:30:01

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 2455Trace Sarge

Prince Williams twin sister spotted in Hyde Park

05/06/19 20:20:34

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 4268Vivvy En

"Kirsty, I'm not coming out tonight, I've just caught a frog at the park so I'm taking him home for a good snogging."

05/06/19 20:14:19

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3292The Wolf

“Hey lady, you don’t know me, but I want you to know that I really hate your bum. It’s big, bouncy, oddly shaped and I bet it stinks”

Ass troll in the park.

05/06/19 20:09:52

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 36360Welsh Rarebit

"Yes, Dee Day speaking..."

05/06/19 21:12:21

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 654Sam Cass

The last of the Mohicans.

05/06/19 20:58:49

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6869Mr Dome

'...I've just left but how the hell was I supposed to know what a bukkake garden party was?'

05/06/19 20:13:24

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1919Crunchy Chords

"I shaved it on a dare, but it's so white in the sun I'm like a bloody lighthouse."

05/06/19 20:04:51

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 3510Stephen Bean

"Hello police, I'd like to report some gardeners operating their hedge trimmer without due care and attention. They just cut off my f*cking hair!"

05/06/19 20:04:30

 
Generic RedHead Vote score: 329Generic RedHead

"Mum, don't use the hair removal cream, there's been a terrible mix up"

07/06/19 3:47:40

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 282Gavin Smithers

The Dalai Lama has always put his mobile number on his Facebook page.

07/06/19 0:40:47

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 937Scrappy Doo

Can you hair me now?

05/06/19 23:50:39

 
Lawrence Day Vote score: 446Lawrence Day

Hi mum these new solar panels, i got fitted to my head are great, my phone is fully charged and working.

05/06/19 22:09:54

 
Madeline Charlton Vote score: 92Madeline Charlton

"When I said spam , I meant in a tin !"

05/06/19 21:10:55

 
larry G. Vote score: 1299larry G.

"I need a heavy dose of sunscreen - I'm follically challenged."

05/06/19 20:41:58

 
larry G. Vote score: 1299larry G.

"Hey, Barb check it out-I just gave me a partial Brittany Spears!

05/06/19 20:33:24

 
John  Glover Vote score: 19184John Glover

"Yeh so you did cut my hair while I was asleep, but have you seen your prize winning Apricot Point Siamese yet, you dick head."

05/06/19 20:24:31

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 654Sam Cass

Step 1: Open phone's camera app.
Step 2: Enable selfie mode.
Step 3: Zoom in on teeth.
Step 4: Pretend you are on a speakerphone call while checking for food stuck in teeth.

05/06/19 20:19:11

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6869Mr Dome

Put the kettle on Shrek I'll be home in 5 minutes

05/06/19 20:11:23

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 29611Tony Edwards

"Halo."

05/06/19 20:10:55

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 8637Vanessa the Guesser

The bush telegraph

05/06/19 20:10:11

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 654Sam Cass

"...but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long winter. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you approve an AC unit for the office, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you, but if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you and I will kill the office's smart-casual-business-Monday-to-Thursday dress code."

05/06/19 20:08:38

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3292The Wolf

"Hi Karen, congratulations, you've been chosen to appear on Eggheads"

05/06/19 20:06:52

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5994Chris Keegan

"Sorry, I'm running a bit late for the hair transplant, the kebab shop had one hell of a queue"

05/06/19 20:04:11

 
The Wolf Vote score: 3292The Wolf

Being the outdoorsy type, Suzy loved to keep mobile.

05/06/19 20:00:11

 
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