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"Well sir after struggling for years, Ive finally decided that I need an eye test."  "Youre not wrong there madam, this is the butchers."
"Well sir after struggling for years, Ive finally decided that I need an eye test."  "Youre not wrong there madam, this is the butchers." photo | portfolio
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stone face Vote score: 3665stone face

"Well sir after struggling for years, I've finally decided that I need an eye test."

"You're not wrong there madam, this is the butchers."

Tue 20:56:24

 
James Lennox Vote score: 1423James Lennox

"For a gynecologist you're spending a long time looking at my shoulders."

"Sorry, I'm just building up my courage."

Tue 20:32:18

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 3576Dave Bryan

''I have some good news and some bad news for you.''
''Give me the bad news first.''
''You will be dead by 10.00 am tomorrow morning.''
''What's the good news?''
''The clocks go back tonight.''

Tue 22:04:52

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 1985Trace Sarge

"I will be right back with your diagnosis...I just have to confer with Google"

Tue 21:34:58

 
James Lennox Vote score: 1423James Lennox

"Be patient ... I be doctor."

Tue 20:14:19

 
The Wolf Vote score: 1864The Wolf

"So Doctor, will I be able to see now that I've had the laser eye surgery?"
"Haha, I'm not a Doctor. I escaped from the psychiatric unit, that's why I'm not wearing trousers or shoes. HEY LOOK, I'VE GOT NEW SOCKS ON"

Tue 20:38:35

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1620Stu Dent

Doctor Gulliver will be performing your smear test today mrs Jones

Tue 20:00:07

 
Gassy Statten Vote score: 206Gassy Statten

I'm sorry Mrs Ramsbottom but if we give you another face lift you'll end up with a goatee!!

Wed 8:27:12

 
James Lennox Vote score: 1423James Lennox

"Doctor, I'm petrified."

"You'll be fine, just hold still."

Tue 20:58:05

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

"Well, I must say I think we've done a pretty good job. Do you fancy a drink sometime Dave?"

Tue 20:50:14

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 21442Michael Winner

Test results look positive for the Stannah EZ-inheritance ejector seat.

Tue 20:27:00

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 21442Michael Winner

"There see, I told you that superglueing your eyelids open would improve your posture."

Tue 20:25:02

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 406Zak Toby1998

"Ok, maureen, the good news first... you won't need to run around this christmas buying presents for your eight grandkids"

Tue 20:02:24

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20330Ian Skelding

"Is that meat hook comfortable enough for you?"

Tue 20:00:51

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 8981Neil Mackenzie

Scientists find a solution to the energy crisis, Women have a surplus of brain power that is going to waste.
Two pints of milk and a loaf of bread.

Wed 17:22:45

 
larry G. Vote score: 1139larry G.

"You're ceiling is leaking."

Wed 16:59:39

 
Tim Lee-Priore Vote score: 16Tim Lee-Priore

..and you control her eyes much like an action man

Wed 16:33:45

 
Gary Stuckey Gary Stuckey

Just sit still Mrs.Jones, our new nurse Sasquatch will check your vitals....

Wed 8:09:03

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6278Mr Dome

Stepford grandmas

Wed 7:10:06

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4107Kenny Ireland

"Well make up your mind. Do you want it removed or not"?

Wed 6:47:59

 
Willie Johnson Willie Johnson

"That's right, we're going to flick your head all the way up there."

Wed 0:52:10

 
Willie Johnson Willie Johnson

"My eyes are up here."
"Well, up there."

Wed 0:50:02

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 5472Greg Curtis

"Shoulder muscles...weak. I'm check you for low T, sir."

Wed 0:36:57

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 242Gavin Smithers

Dr McCarthy and Mrs Stone.

Tue 23:39:16

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 242Gavin Smithers

It's rare for orgasm to be induced by a series of such small strokes.

Tue 23:38:23

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 242Gavin Smithers

Macbeth Act 5 Scene 1- "More needs she the divine than the physician."

Tue 23:34:57

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 596Scrappy Doo

I'm guessing the procedure failed.

Tue 22:44:08

 
Scrappy Doo Vote score: 596Scrappy Doo

Go towards the light.

Tue 22:36:04

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 6278Mr Dome

Well Ethel I can't wait to give you a matching pearl necklace later

Tue 22:29:01

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 35086Welsh Rarebit

"No wonder you were named Irise"

Tue 22:28:39

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12147Dan Nicholls

"No dear, I'm afraid you're just too short for this rollercoaster."

Tue 22:05:31

 
stone face Vote score: 3665stone face

"Yes we've managed to pull all that loose unsightly skin from your neck Mrs Reilly. The only trouble is we've had to lump it all together, on the top of your back.

Tue 20:52:59

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 21442Michael Winner

"...and does it hurt when I do this?"
*SLAP*
"Y-yes it does, doctor."
"On a scale of one to ten, how hard does it hurt?"
"Five".
*SLAP*
"Six. Sorry, I meant seven."

Tue 20:23:05

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 430Sam Cass

Sure this was her fifth checkup this year but Betty White was determined to outlive EVERYONE who worked on the set of "The Golden Girls".

Tue 20:22:30

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 7711Vanessa the Guesser

"I've not seen my pussy for months."
"Don't worry, we'll do a quick cat scan."

Tue 20:14:10

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 406Zak Toby1998

"Hi, my name is doctor Krystlawowsivar"
"Doctor who?"...

Tue 20:11:29

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1620Stu Dent

Dont tell anyone but I only sell ice creams in the carpark

Tue 20:08:21

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

"The new facelift has worked wonderfully Miss Moneybags. You'll be able to look down within a few weeks. The only trouble is your vagina was pulled up significantly, but we managed to tuck it away in your left armpit."

Tue 20:00:58

 4
She can now earn a bit on the side. --John Glover
Stu Dent Vote score: 1620Stu Dent

You need to have a operation.
What is it ?
It's a procedure that you have under a anaesthetic, but that's not important.

Tue 20:00:49

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12147Dan Nicholls

"There Mrs Harris, one genuine halo fitted and complete. That will be £18,000."

Tue 22:04:17

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1656Crunchy Chords

Nana Neo: “...I know Kung Fu."
Dr. Morpheus: "Show me... "

Tue 21:47:49

 
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1656Crunchy Chords

"Why, yes, Madam, I believe this X-ray machine WAS invented by a man. Now just relax whilst I smash your breast between two plates.”

Tue 21:29:43

 
The Wolf Vote score: 1864The Wolf

"Well Doris, welcome to the hairy fanny clinic, now don't be embarrassed, we at the hairy fanny clinic are used to seeing hairy fanny's of all shapes and sizes and it's nothing we haven't seen before, now, let's have a look at that hairy fanny of yours"

"Doctor, I have an ingrowing toenail"

Tue 21:28:33

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 698Spycenwolf

"How do you like Heaven, Doris?"

"Oh, it's great! Too bad there are no pianos around though. Just harps. Say, has the dye set, yet? Can I wash it or is it too soon?"

"Too soon."

Tue 21:26:08

 
The Wolf Vote score: 1864The Wolf

"Ok Miss Jones, firstly I'd like to apologise as I know you've been on the waiting list for this appointment, unfortunately the NHS has a backlog to work through. Now I'm just looking through your notes and your GP has said that you've just started your period and are experiencing complications"

Tue 21:00:36

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 1985Trace Sarge

"Right Mrs Kat O Pult we are just going to tilt your head forward a little"

Tue 20:43:41

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 28965Tony Edwards

Heavenly touch

Tue 20:39:37

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 7711Vanessa the Guesser

"Would you mind if I built a Hot Wheels track round you whilst we're waiting?"

Tue 20:31:06

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18697John Glover

"So the love eggs were a great success, don't worry my nurse will find you a clean pair of knickers."

Tue 20:30:07

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 430Sam Cass

Nan's most fervent wish was that LilJoel would meet a nice girl, lose his virginity, and STOP following her everywhere taking "pics" for his social media pages.

Tue 20:26:50

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

"So, now you look absolutely gorgeous in your new 'permanent' wig, we just need to check the glue has set. You may feel a sudden jerk"

Tue 20:21:28

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 5291Glyn Evans

"Do you see it? - Now when I say "go", move your head and it should release the swat. We'll get that damn fly yet."

Tue 20:19:19

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18697John Glover

"When I said we need a good old chinwag, I meant a serious talk, not for you to shake your double chin at me."

Tue 20:19:10

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 5472Greg Curtis

"Now let's try some imagery: You're standing in the Sistine Chapel..."

Tue 20:17:08

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 35086Welsh Rarebit

Marjorie finally plucks up the courage to visit the clinic for Altocelarophobia, as she isn't a ceiling fan.

Tue 20:13:02

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 406Zak Toby1998

"Now, Mrs Davis, just look up when you feel aroused"

Tue 20:07:59

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 406Zak Toby1998

"This is the healthiest chest x-ray i've ever seen. Yours on the other hand..."

Tue 20:04:21

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

"Try not to worry Mrs Jackson, your test results should be back next Tuesday. In the meantime I'll keep you in the loop"

Tue 20:03:00

 
The Wolf Vote score: 1864The Wolf

“Don’t worry madam, It's a standard procedure, we’ll soon have those willy’s removed from your back”

Tue 20:02:15

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

There you go Mrs Smith, I'm delighted to tell you that the procedure with your dwarf husband went extremely well.

Tue 20:00:41

 
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