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"Listen Molly, its nothing personal, but the boss has just asked me to fire you."
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stone face Vote score: 3665stone face

"Listen Molly, it's nothing personal, but the boss has just asked me to fire you."

Wed 8:56:57

 
Lawrence Day Vote score: 392Lawrence Day

Thanks for helping , the toaster not working.

Wed 11:51:49

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 5291Glyn Evans

"Got a light?"

Wed 8:01:38

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 3576Dave Bryan

''He's one of my old flames.''

Wed 8:02:08

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 8981Neil Mackenzie

F*ck Tw@t C&nt.
I think your problem is you’ve got Turrets Syndrome.

Wed 17:18:25

 2
Crunchy Chords Vote score: 1656Crunchy Chords

Sure, she's adorable now, but by the end of GøT she'll be an evil bitch.

Wed 15:41:13

 1
Sam Cass Vote score: 430Sam Cass

Jehovah Witnesses see an upsurge in new members after unleashing their new window to window strategy.

In other news, health officials are reporting a rise in deaths related to heart attacks and 4th degree burns.

Wed 13:08:20

 
Zak Toby1998 Vote score: 406Zak Toby1998

"No you pervert I said if you come near my window i'll make sure you get slayed!"

Wed 9:29:42

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 698Spycenwolf

Bother of dragons.

Wed 8:05:06

 
stone face Vote score: 3665stone face

The Game Of Thrones tour was quite interesting, but it didn't half dragon.

Wed 8:04:27

 
larry G. Vote score: 1139larry G.

"Sorry, Shrek's not here."

Wed 16:55:34

 
Tim Lee-Priore Vote score: 16Tim Lee-Priore

Would you like french friars with that?

Wed 16:19:09

 
Karen Oakenfull Vote score: 846Karen Oakenfull

“Woah there dragon! Talk to the hand, cuz the face aint sizzling.”

Wed 16:17:14

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

Kindle Surprise

Wed 11:16:35

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

♪ Come on baby, light my fire

Wed 10:54:40

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 3576Dave Bryan

Tower block residents warned of new fire risk.

Wed 8:29:04

 
James Lennox Vote score: 1423James Lennox

"Maybe it's been a long time since I had sex, but the bottom half of that dragon reminds me of a really long penis and two testicles."

"Well, yes, to answer myself, it must have been a very long time indeed, because genitalia isn't normally purple, penises don't have spikes, and I'm a heterosexual male."

Wed 8:16:51

 2
purple genitelia and a penis with spikes is quite normal in my family. Especially with the women. --stone face
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

"Donkey and I have an amazing love life but I don't understand why he doesn't let me give him a blow job."

Wed 8:13:43

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 3576Dave Bryan

Georgina and the Dragon

Wed 8:13:25

 
stone face Vote score: 3665stone face

"Listen my sweet, am not afraid of your husband returning. My dragon love runs deep for you. And if he does return, well King George can just take his chances with me."

Wed 8:12:33

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 3576Dave Bryan

''Please say you'll marry me. I'll wait for your reply.''

''Don't hold your breath...... Agh!''

Wed 8:07:47

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

"I can hardly see for the Smaug."

Wed 8:03:40

 

How to House-train Your Dragon

Thu 22:39:21

 
Willie Johnson Willie Johnson

Surprisingly there is one that really does exist - a male asking for directions.

Thu 0:11:31

 
Willie Johnson Willie Johnson

"She just stepped out for a minute. May I tell her who's calling on her?"

Thu 0:09:51

 
Willie Johnson Willie Johnson

"Fancy meeting you here."

Thu 0:07:11

 
larry G. Vote score: 1139larry G.

"Sorry, Donkey is seeing someone else."

Wed 16:58:27

 
John  Glover Vote score: 18697John Glover

"Thanks, but I don't need you today, my prince has bought me some Veet."

Wed 16:01:20

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

The dragon did eventually FFFFu*k off, he wasn’t taking anymore of Juliet’s turret’s.

Wed 10:23:06

 
Gavin Smithers Vote score: 242Gavin Smithers

"I'm not a cold caller. Double glazing? Fit the best- Everest!"

Wed 10:12:03

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

*David Attenborough commentating* “The rare and beautiful Jabber*ocky or Jabberwilly as it is sometimes known, can frequently be found pestering young maidens.”

Wed 9:50:25

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

"Please help me, I keep firing blanks. I think I have a reptile dysfunction."

Wed 9:24:19

 
Trace Sarge Vote score: 1985Trace Sarge

"Could you please not drag on my wall"

Wed 9:20:25

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 12147Dan Nicholls

Tinder date with an old flame.

Wed 9:00:58

 
Paul Reeve Vote score: 4803Paul Reeve

“I must say Mr Dragon you have got some bollocks coming up here asking me for a date, considering how rude you were the last time we met.”

Wed 8:59:13

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 35086Welsh Rarebit

Puff ladder

Wed 8:52:59

 
Molly R Vote score: 773Molly R

"You've come to rescue me? That's just balls!"

Wed 8:52:47

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 35086Welsh Rarebit

Games of Thrones

Wed 8:49:38

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 698Spycenwolf

They take "You're fired!" too literally at the Trump Tower.

Wed 8:39:29

 
Spycenwolf  Vote score: 698Spycenwolf

She is more of a people person.
He is more of a purple dragon.
But can the flame of love be kindled between such unlikely souls?
Coming to your screens soon:
Flame Irresistible

Wed 8:37:52

 
Gassy Statten Vote score: 206Gassy Statten

Puff really fancied his Welsh Rarebit-on-the-side.

Wed 8:32:46

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20330Ian Skelding

"Put the 'D' back on that hat and go back to the corner of the room."

Wed 8:16:55

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20330Ian Skelding

"The local Council take a dim view of the theft and defacement of traffic cones."

Wed 8:15:22

 
Gary Stuckey Gary Stuckey

This pizza is 45 minutes late! Man you're draggin' today!"

Wed 8:13:50

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 5412Hercules Rockefeller

"Stop dragging your feet all over my wall!"

Wed 8:13:09

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 3918Vivvy En

"Two pigs, two deer and a Snappy Meal, please."

Wed 8:08:39

 
James Lennox Vote score: 1423James Lennox

"Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your ... JEEZUZ, ignore that, I'm out of hair."

Wed 8:07:35

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 20330Ian Skelding

"Chase me."

Wed 8:06:16

 
Stephen Bean Vote score: 2262Stephen Bean

Reign of Fire

Wed 8:00:36

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 5166Chris Keegan

Dragons Den

Wed 8:00:12

 
Stu Dent Vote score: 1620Stu Dent

How to trail your dragon

Wed 8:00:09

 
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