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"Has anyone handed in a left ear?"
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Tony Edwards Vote score: 26903Tony Edwards

£50
WINNER

"Has anyone handed in a left ear?"

08/08/18 12:26:52

 19
"Nah, no one's left one 'ere." --John Glover
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"..and the shit on the sidewalk, that was me, too."

08/08/18 12:41:12

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 19276Ian Skelding

Cops and slobbers

08/08/18 12:44:35

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1558Dave Bryan

''I've got a new lead.''

08/08/18 12:01:32

 
Tina  Flowers Vote score: 441Tina Flowers

'I am a witness for the sheepdog trials'

08/08/18 12:06:29

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"No, I can't, but I can tell you what he SMELLED like."

08/08/18 12:38:50

 
John Llamas Vote score: 19296John Llamas

Ruff Justice

08/08/18 12:16:15

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 6097Vanessa the Guesser

"Don't worry Mrs Brown, we've collared the suspect"

08/08/18 12:33:03

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 305Carey Sutton

I want to report an assault, my owners cut my balls off without my consent

08/08/18 12:18:00

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 6097Vanessa the Guesser

Releashed on bail.

08/08/18 12:01:47

 
stone face Vote score: 1564stone face

Officer Dribble.

08/08/18 13:00:08

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26903Tony Edwards

Mutt Ado About Nothing

08/08/18 12:51:36

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26903Tony Edwards

Greyfriars Bobby

08/08/18 12:48:36

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10250Smuldo

Deputy Dog.

08/08/18 12:15:37

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10250Smuldo

Paw Patrol

08/08/18 12:12:05

 
Tosser Wivlov Vote score: 5292Tosser Wivlov

You keep to muggers and vice, cat burglars are my job.

09/08/18 2:38:08

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 6313Pussy Galore

The sniffer dog's handler had to remind his colleagues about the perils of having a secret stash when Rover's nose was never off duty.

08/08/18 14:17:31

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1558Dave Bryan

''This is certainly a tricky case. I'll make no bones about it.''

08/08/18 13:39:08

 
John  Glover Vote score: 17691John Glover

Bill and Ben.

08/08/18 13:16:05

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1558Dave Bryan

''I'll pass on the description of your owner to the missing persons section.''

08/08/18 13:12:24

 
stone face Vote score: 1564stone face

Heel Street Blues.

08/08/18 12:52:16

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"I'll skip the bread, but that water sounds GREAT."

08/08/18 12:50:50

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 10742Dan Nicholls

Barking Police Station.

08/08/18 12:49:49

 
stone face Vote score: 1564stone face

"All the kids keep calling me a smelly mongrel, and chase me down the street with sticks."

"Oh come on ! It's all part of the job,you'll just have to get used to it officer."

08/08/18 12:49:26

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"I'M MISSING A CAT. Description? Um, y'know: paws, whiskers, those annoying little claws...A CAT."

08/08/18 12:30:55

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7665Leroy Brown

Yes Mr Officer you just need to sign the visitors register before coming in.

08/08/18 12:27:29

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 2629Chris Keegan

I don’t bloody care if you’re a rescue dog, he’s staying in the cells!

08/08/18 12:24:59

 
Matt Schtick Vote score: 77Matt Schtick

"I thed my thung's thuck to this thucking glass"

08/08/18 12:23:45

 
Annie Anstis Vote score: 141Annie Anstis

Vincent van Dog

08/08/18 12:23:34

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 19276Ian Skelding

"You want to know where the Policeman's Ball is? sorry it's a secret."

08/08/18 12:15:01

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26903Tony Edwards

Counter-terrierist

08/08/18 12:07:53

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 608Karyn Harrison

"I thought I could smell bacon!"

08/08/18 12:00:36

 
Madeline Charlton Madeline Charlton

"NOOOOOOOOO! Looks like I'm in the doghouse again! Knew I shouldn't have nicked those sausages!"

27/08/18 21:50:59

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 3749Kenny Ireland

"Have you come for the lab report?"

09/08/18 17:53:09

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 20780Michael Winner

"So, in conclusion, your statement says that the glowing fiend haunting the fairground was actually your own Uncle Peter in disguise, and that he would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids."

08/08/18 17:32:06

 
Pete  Vote score: 18532Pete

Uniform Mike: "Bravo Charlie, you found a Kilo of Charlie in the Golf and a Yankee is under arrest."

08/08/18 16:27:26

 
Pete  Vote score: 18532Pete

"I want to make a compliant about Dixon of Dock Tail."

08/08/18 15:46:49

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1558Dave Bryan

''I'm sorry you can't help. Our Patch has already got crime licked.''

08/08/18 13:18:43

 
Paul Thompson Paul Thompson

Bail! Jump Bail. I thought he said jump ball!

08/08/18 13:12:25

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 2940Vivvy En

"I'd like my owner arrested, Officer. He commanded me to 'SHIT' so I obediently 'shat' and then he swore and refused to pick up after me.

08/08/18 13:04:01

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 5028Mr Dome

ZZZzzzz....

08/08/18 13:02:50

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"I'll tell you ONE thing: I'm not going to the pound."

08/08/18 12:49:24

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"Okay, I can sit, but I can't stay."

08/08/18 12:46:07

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"My master called me a bitch."

08/08/18 12:44:16

 
John Llamas Vote score: 19296John Llamas

The new police 'safe stun' system is the dogs bollocks

08/08/18 12:38:37

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"Are you looking for any help?"

08/08/18 12:35:07

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7665Leroy Brown

It's not that kind of pound!

08/08/18 12:25:45

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4970Greg Curtis

"...Then he poured this fluid all over me: It was Spot remover."

08/08/18 12:17:05

 
Smuldo Vote score: 10250Smuldo

"Hi, I'd like to join the Mounties..."

08/08/18 12:13:37

 
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