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What the f**k are you doing? Ive just ironed those sheets
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Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

What the f**k are you doing? I've just ironed those sheets

09/11/16 20:01:30

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14339Dan Nicholls

"Very nice Trevor, but I've still got a headache."

09/11/16 20:15:15

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

Unfortunately the newly-weds didn't consummate their marriage because the bride had a cob on.

09/11/16 20:00:17

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 14339Dan Nicholls

"Oh Ian, this is beautiful."
"Aye, plus, it covers up all the jizz stains."

09/11/16 20:18:06

 3
"No worries ma duck, we can make some more......" --Andrea Hickling
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6056Greg Curtis

"On second thought: Let's use the table."

09/11/16 21:10:30

 
Mark England Vote score: 16026Mark England

"Keith did that for you? How romantic"
"Is it? The bastard knows that I suffer from chronic Hay Fever and Ornithobia"

09/11/16 22:29:42

 3
Why? Some of these suggested nods are getting ridiculous  --Mark England
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 17100Troompa Loompa

"Never mind Hillary, come in here and I'll help you forget about yesterday."

09/11/16 21:43:47

 1
Said Mr Lewinski.... --Mr Dome
Vivvy En Vote score: 5240Vivvy En

"Look! It's a cake iced as a bed!"

09/11/16 21:03:38

 17
Ah yes swan cake, my favourite ballet. --Steve Davies
John Llamas Vote score: 19961John Llamas

They've just settled their bills

09/11/16 20:05:37

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 10165Neil Mackenzie

He had gone to all this trouble for the honeymoon suite, only for his bride to be to chicken out before the church.

10/11/16 22:39:48

 
Jason Plessas Vote score: 200Jason Plessas

"What? You want to have sex on it?! You do realise it took me hours?"

10/11/16 18:02:57

 
Michael Monkhouse Vote score: 2804Michael Monkhouse

Keep swanning around...

10/11/16 14:44:17

 
Kenny Ireland Vote score: 4582Kenny Ireland

"You have gone to a lot of bother but Travelodge will probably charge us for making a hole in their sheet".

10/11/16 11:27:43

 
Dev B Vote score: 541Dev B

Before marriage: Swans
After marriage: Swines

10/11/16 7:31:03

 
Steve Davies Vote score: 2441Steve Davies

"Your rooms not quite ready Mr Jones, the maid is just making up your bed now ".
"That's what you said 3 fucking days ago".

10/11/16 5:27:44

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6056Greg Curtis

"It's our cygneture room."

10/11/16 1:26:15

 
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

Cob: "Let's do it in the bath. I'm tired of this kinky bedroom stuff."

10/11/16 0:00:19

 
Pete  Vote score: 18533Pete

In the president-elect suite, it was all Trumpeters and Whoopers. In the Clinton suite, it was just Mute.

09/11/16 23:48:20

 
Bobby D Vote score: 719Bobby D

How did you get the complimentary chocolate stuck to your chin?

Wait a minute thats not chocolate, you dirty ....

09/11/16 23:28:38

 
James Dean James Dean

how many peckers does one woman need?

09/11/16 23:08:44

 
Polymorph Vote score: 751Polymorph

'Don't follow logic of placing bedside phone next to the Honeymoon bed !?'

09/11/16 22:30:10

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 21535Ian Skelding

"Next effort is by art student Miss Emin."
"Hmm, we were looking for something a bit more cutting edge."

09/11/16 21:24:05

 
Smuldo Vote score: 11357Smuldo

You'll love the Premier Inn with their new Cygnet-your bed.

09/11/16 20:16:48

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

Oh great. You could have warned me to take my antihistamines!

09/11/16 20:03:57

 
Tiny Alien Vote score: 2286Tiny Alien

The Honeymoon Tweet

09/11/16 20:01:36

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

♬ I never promised you a rose hard-on ♬

09/11/16 20:01:35

 
Troompa Loompa Vote score: 17100Troompa Loompa

The Bill Cosby episode of Through the Keyhole.

09/11/16 21:48:29

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6056Greg Curtis

"I call them 'The Ugly Fucklings'."

09/11/16 21:18:07

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 6056Greg Curtis

"Hate when they bump me up to a double."

09/11/16 21:12:12

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 30965Tony Edwards

"It's the hotel's swankiest suite."

09/11/16 21:00:26

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 22802Michael Winner

Anthophobia- say it with flowers.

09/11/16 20:32:31

 
GeeDee Vote score: 2838GeeDee

When you said you wanted to try new things in the bedroom ..this wasn't what I had in mind

09/11/16 20:30:06

 
Susie Sheppard Vote score: 278Susie Sheppard

After years of dealing with Kirstie Allsopp's speed addiction her husband recognized the tell tale signs that she had fallen off the wagon.

09/11/16 20:20:36

 
Helen Llamas Vote score: 933Helen Llamas

Swan-necking!

09/11/16 20:20:06

 
John Llamas Vote score: 19961John Llamas

Swan Vista

09/11/16 20:18:01

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10853Vanessa the Guesser

At Ibis Hotels we don't mind if you wet the bed

09/11/16 20:15:06

 
C CaMel Vote score: 5103C CaMel

Protected by the Queen size

09/11/16 20:12:13

 
Tiny Alien Vote score: 2286Tiny Alien

Look at those plucky fuckers!

09/11/16 20:10:48

 
John Llamas Vote score: 19961John Llamas

Encouraging fowl behaviour

09/11/16 20:08:42

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

If there's one thing I can't stand it's swan upmanship.

09/11/16 20:07:59

 
Hercules  Rockefeller Vote score: 6342Hercules Rockefeller

"I think the maid has a major crush on you, Frank."

09/11/16 20:07:36

 
Welsh Rarebit Vote score: 38790Welsh Rarebit

♫ Every rose has its thorn-birds ♫

09/11/16 20:07:11

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 7065Pussy Galore

"Darling, you are my swan and only."
"Right, and who's going to get rid of the stains from the rose petals?"

09/11/16 20:06:33

 
Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

I love this hotel. Have you checked out the en-suite? They've put conkers in the toilet

09/11/16 20:02:58

 
Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

David at-the-inn-borough

09/11/16 20:02:25

 
Petey Bee Vote score: 459Petey Bee

Happy anniversary darling. Thank god you used petals this year instead of nettles. Kinky Bastard

09/11/16 20:01:54

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 10853Vanessa the Guesser

You don't get bed pens like this on the NHS

09/11/16 20:00:41

 
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