"Nein, I vas here first. Go und find your own sunbed."

04/09/12 11:07:27

"I can see what the problem is....someone's parked a lawn-mower on your genitals."

04/09/12 11:05:39

The fat man appeared to be asleep, and Emilio the gardener did need a new pair of sandals...

04/09/12 13:20:37

"Well Mr Pierce, it is my considered opinion that you need to get out and exercise more, you big fat fucker."

04/09/12 11:01:24

He was known as Lumbar Jack

04/09/12 11:23:16

This is bad real bad.
Is it that bad?
No I'm only pulling your leg.

04/09/12 11:09:55

"...and you're sure that both legs were the same length when you came in?"

04/09/12 11:00:41

OK - If we're gonna get you a race against Oscar Pestorious we're going to be taking a little more off each leg.

04/09/12 11:03:58

"That will be £1000"
"How much? Hang on, before I pay I'd better check my back balance"

04/09/12 11:19:28

"No, I haven't seen Misery. Why?"

04/09/12 23:45:59

"When I pull the tables away, i need to hear what noise you make when hitting the deck"

04/09/12 15:01:32

There's cash in the sciatic.

04/09/12 14:27:30

"Damn," he thought, "Hairy toes. My arch-nemesis..."

04/09/12 13:23:03

The wheel barrow race at the Paralympics was off to a slow start

04/09/12 13:04:48

The only other time he'd played table football, he was very, very drunk.

04/09/12 12:07:50

"Crikey, your feet hum!"

"I know, and my arse plays the banjo."

04/09/12 11:57:43

Yes Sir.......Over the next couple of visits I will be transferring the pain to your wallet

04/09/12 11:24:20

To get an authentic Brazilian you need the right workman and the right tools

04/09/12 11:20:50

"The lady that sat on you........did she look anything like the one in the last picture?"

04/09/12 11:06:47

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and this little piggy went get off my bed you lazy bugger

04/09/12 11:04:06

Before Mark Wahlberg became famous he was known as Marquee Mark.

04/09/12 12:59:32

Malcolm refused to toe the pine.

04/09/12 11:00:09