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	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	88	5	13	#8	20	44	#14	5669	15439	#17
Photos			1	#4		5	#6	299	763	#6
Comments	19				5	7	#2	1077	1681	#3
Forum Posts		2						53
Suggested Edits		2	2	#2	2	2	#2	16	24	#2
Tips		1	2	#1				1	2	#9

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	5	#16	28	#17	9012	#27
Photos			15	#5	833	#21
Comments	3	#3	4	#3	1831	#5
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits					17	#2
Tips					1	#4

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	rg;;oij gapo htm'm thejioj; astj ast garg ,.o g oh nagi ,ngauh greopq gihn kl;ma iyk q., ... Shit, turns out I have to look at the keyboard to type. 08/08/20 8:06:12	13

	"Hello sailor, do you need a tug?" 26/06/20 12:00:35	1 13
Dirty bitch has been frigging in rigging again.Bye the way send the Missus home when you've done with her please I need my dinner. --Flo .
	Say goodbye to costly toilet paper! Say hello to costly wallpaper! 09/04/20 12:01:41	13

	clever Triplicat 17/03/20 8:27:18	13

	Yet another sensible reason why every American should own a gun. 20/02/20 20:30:21	13

	Nothing says Prince of Demonic Evil like a V-neck sweater. 24/01/20 8:04:46	13

	"A little help here guys, this damn sign's heavy." 12/01/20 20:00:48	13

	It's weird how in every group of friends there's always one muppet. 16/12/19 8:00:53	13

	Damn. I'm an atheist. 21/11/19 20:00:24	1 13
Thank God for that. --Chris Halliwell
	How much is that Dobby in the window? 08/10/19 20:00:10	13

	"It's fine. Don't mind me. Pretend I'm not here. Go back to sleep." 28/07/19 8:00:16	13

	The photo doesn't show how truly impressive this is. They're actually jumping it backwards. 30/06/19 8:13:44	13

	Due to recent controversy, all red-headed children must be blurred in photos. 10/05/19 8:01:23	13

	creative clever "Menstrual cycle - Mood. Do you understand now?" 26/01/19 9:26:11	13

	lol "So you see, son, when a daddy house loves a mummy truck a whole lot, they hug each other very tight, and that's how campervans are made." 04/04/24 8:46:52	12

	lol "If you think Schrödinger is a prick, try living with the Invisible Man." 20/02/24 12:03:46	12

	clever A girl does this it's cute. A guy does this he becomes a registered sex offender. 13/02/24 8:05:53	12

	Speed Humps 15/01/24 20:01:47	12

	"On second thoughts, I don't want to be your flatmate." 29/12/23 8:15:13	12

	"Ah, yep, well done, Dave, but we actually need that one horizontal." 20/11/23 20:06:17	12

	When you decide to end it all, but your feet want to live. 04/10/23 20:04:57, edited: 04/10/23 20:06:48	12

	creative Ding Dong "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain. Apologies, but we must return to the airport. Coming down the runway a bird was sucked into an engine." 02/06/23 20:00:08	12

	I do ⬜ I don't ⬜ 08/05/23 8:00:11	12

	clever x2 Some people really, really hate Brussels sprouts. 06/01/23 8:03:09, edited: 06/01/23 8:09:14	12

	creative That awkward moment when a gust of wind blows away your curtain and completely ruins the puppet show. 28/07/22 8:10:32	12

	"Have you tried lubricating with butter?" "Yes, but can we focus on getting my son out." 17/02/22 9:03:51	12

	Not many people know that after the gang wraps up a case and unmasks the villain, Velma likes to smoke a joint and strip out of her polo neck sweater. 26/10/21 8:09:31	12

	"Mum, isn't that guy with the cane who keeps bumping into things your boss?" "Quiet son, I called in sick today." 16/07/21 20:35:12	12

	"Are you guys here for the board meeting?" 13/07/21 13:19:36	12

	"Yep, I can get it out OK, but if you don't mind me asking, how long has your wife been down there?" 10/07/21 8:00:50	1 12
"Not long enough," said Mr Wolf. "Another half an hour and I'll have finished bathing her."(Nods to Molly and The Wolf in the Forum) --Stephen Bean
	"No, sorry, I'm Buddhist, I think you'll find Christians in the next tent." 18/04/21 20:20:46	12

	"Honey, our daughter's 21st is not an ideal time to play with your sex doll." 07/01/21 12:29:09	12

	Well, that proves it. Cats have no idea how to erect a tent. 12/11/20 20:33:02	12

	Given the alternative I think I'd grind my own organ too. 20/10/20 8:10:11	12

	"Damn, that bridge was lower than I thought." 29/09/20 12:08:51	12

	"Give it up kid, with these ears I'm never going to fly." 24/06/20 12:12:30	12

	clever The shipment of ultra powerful magnets was going smoother than Dave had expected. 20/04/20 20:38:59	12

	Sally and Ted were high school sweethearts and she had been fiercely loyal to him for twenty years, apart from that one time she screwed Satan. 08/03/20 8:08:58	1 12
They might be on to a winner with Satan if the child in the hat is their regular offspring. --Glyn Evans
	🎵 All I Want For Crispness Is You 🎵 06/02/20 20:00:10	1 12
Mariah Crispness (belatedly, or extremely early). --Willie Johnson
	Typical bloody Captioneers. Post a beautiful photo of a hummingbird and you're lucky to get a dozen captions, but put up a pic of a giant inflatable penis and you can't shut the bastards up. 31/01/20 20:44:28	1 12

	clever "F*ck it's cold," said the Red Dragon. 18/12/19 20:19:08	12

	He's clearly bananas. 29/11/19 8:16:57	1 12

	"And the winner of this year's Baptist Church Hide and Seek competition is ... God ... again." 07/11/19 20:00:18	12

	Highland fling 30/10/19 8:17:06	12

	lol She's a bit tall and bald, but I'd have her. 28/10/19 12:07:30	12

	lol Needless to say, the bridesmaids were not happy. 27/10/19 12:08:41	12

	Copycat [Nod 12:00:09 & 12:00:10] 06/10/19 13:33:58	3 12
I love that there are 3 copycats. Brilliant. --Dan Nicholls
	A Wedding and Two Funerals. 25/09/19 8:27:31	12

	This explains how Jason came back from the dead 8 times. 02/09/19 20:02:22	12

	"Don't worry about it mate, that water was bloody cold." 21/08/19 8:09:52	12

	That sinking feeling when you're about to become extinct. 02/06/19 8:00:40	12

	Holy Shit 27/05/19 12:00:10	12

	That's the tackiest toilet seat I've ever seen. 24/04/19 8:01:27	12

	Oscar Pistorius' latest escape attempt. 10/04/19 13:07:25	1 12
It's no mean feet --Mr Dome
	"Grandmother, what big eyes you have." 08/04/19 12:00:22	12

	... of Driving into Miss Daisy. 05/04/19 12:33:19	12

	The problem has been the red pen. If we switch to a green one things will improve. 26/01/19 8:33:37	12

	"Sorry, mate. Last confession was Dave. Everyone else is boring." 23/03/24 8:01:06	1 11

	Guns and Dozes 16/02/24 8:36:27	11

	"And the lesson is, kids, always wear your SPF 1500." 15/02/24 8:20:07	11

	lol "Billy, I've got good news and bad news. The bad news is Goldy has gone down the toilet." "And the good news?" "He performed a perfect triple back flip on the way in." 14/02/24 20:04:39, edited: 15/02/24 0:30:30, suggested edits	2 11
Don't mention it, caption author. It's easy to make mistakes when you're in a hurry to post a caption. --Karyn Harrison
	"Madam, please stop playing with the floatation devices and disembark through the emergency door immediately." 30/01/24 20:01:29, edited: 30/01/24 20:02:12	11

	And I thought my wife cost a fortune to shoe. 15/11/23 20:24:38	11

	Tiddles was 2 moves away from setting a new world record when, sadly, she noticed her arse needed licking. 05/11/23 12:17:41	11

	lol "In the red corner, with a record of 56 fights, 50 wins, 44 by way of knockout ... IRON MIKE TYSON!!! ... and in the blue corner it's Whistler's mum." 20/10/23 9:08:04	11

	"Look, I appreciate the attempt at romance, Dave, but I'm not sure this is how that scene from Ghost went." 31/08/23 20:24:58	11

	clever -"So, do you like girls with big blimp-shaped speech bubbles?" -"No, I prefer girls with small round speech bubbles." -"What a coincidence! That's what I've got." 03/06/23 8:00:22	11

	"My thoughts? Let's just not go back for the fox." 15/04/23 8:00:56, edited: 15/04/23 8:01:31	11

	Somehow I thought he'd be taller. 09/03/23 8:01:09	11

	lol "Do you have Vanilla Ice?" "No. Just, no." 24/02/23 20:51:50	11

	"No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dine." 23/02/23 20:11:27	11

	I'm so glad they cut this scene out of Jaws. 09/02/23 8:18:05, edited: 09/02/23 8:21:23	11

	Marines test new ejector trousers. 08/02/23 20:02:47	11

	creative "Severe anaemia, Mr. Gulliver." 01/02/23 12:00:44	11

	"Damn it, Dave, next time check the opening hours before we travel 4.367 light years from Alpha Centauri." 01/02/23 8:19:10, edited: 01/02/23 8:32:03	11

	lol My dentist recommended this, just before he drilled through my lip and passed out on the floor. 18/01/23 20:12:15	1 11

	Bravehearth 16/12/22 8:45:06	11

	^^ NEW Noreal Anti-Aging Cream! ^^ "People say I look fifty years younger than what I am" - Sue from Brighton, 51. *Disclaimer: Results may vary 21/11/22 20:18:10, edited: 21/11/22 20:20:13	11

	The one advantage of having this guy as dad is that you develop a really thick skin. 20/08/22 8:25:50	11

	"Oh, a pun, I've heard of these. Common people use them, don't they?" 15/06/22 20:12:23	11

	Ok, so the White Rabbit is obvious, but which one of you is Alice? 23/05/22 10:04:31	11

	"I'm sure Mum won't mind me borrowing this thing she keeps in her bedside table." 17/05/22 12:12:59	11

	"This psychopathic nutcase is about to mount me, and you seriously have to ask why the long face?" 20/04/22 20:01:02	11

	I've always wondered how spaghetti was made. 10/01/22 8:43:40	1 11
It grows on trees? --Glyn Evans
	"My culture believes it is a sin to go out in public without first covering your face." "My culture too, honey, my culture too." 02/01/22 8:44:25	11

	lol "Girls, please come back to the farm! I said we've got 'Ed shearing', not 'Ed Sheeran'!" 03/11/21 20:38:21	11

	Holy crap, I've got the leading caption for the first time ever! Oh, wait ... damn you, Chris Beach. 02/11/21 21:35:46	11

	"Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! It's Al Overy!" 24/10/21 20:00:55	6 11
It probably wasn't Al. It's still in the single digits. --Willie Johnson
	"I'm so sorry about this. We really must get our chandeliers more safely secured to the ceiling." 29/07/21 20:23:29	1 11
Good thing the fan wasn't going. --Willie Johnson
	Kids these days ... can't even wipe their own arses without help from Google. 03/06/21 12:00:47	1 11
Adults too. It's easiest when there's a printer attached to the device. I wouldn't recommend it as it's a bit rough on the hole and you can risk paper cuts. --Glyn Evans
	"Is he ever going to yell 'Cut'?" 07/05/21 20:03:16	11

	creative "Dear me," remarked the Queen. "That dominos display was rubbish." 29/04/21 12:23:45	11

	"Psst ... we're getting off this planet soon. Don't tell the humans." 15/04/21 12:13:20	4 11
One of my favourite Douglas Adams lines: "Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the ... --Crunchy Chords
	"Two? Freak." 27/02/21 8:01:35	1 11
And they are on her chest. Udderly ridiculous. --Willie Johnson
	lol How many times have I lain half naked in a pool of my own vomit and before passing out stupidly thought, "Well, at least things can't get any worse." 15/02/21 8:15:22	11

	"Yes, my paw has been stuck to the steering wheel. No, I'm not going to elaborate on the type of adhesive used." 28/11/20 8:42:50	11

	lol "Candy? Is that you?" "No." 22/10/20 21:36:25	11

	"Dear Mr. Beach, I have your daughter. She will be safely released after you change last month's winning caption to 'The Dali Llama'. Yours sincerely, Anon." 08/10/20 8:06:23	7 11
Sorry Glyn, it was just me pretending to be Stoneface pretending to be Anon, so the truth is still out there... --James Lennox
	At least the English version only has one mistake, the Welsh version is a right mess. 02/10/20 12:06:33	11

	"Well Karen, it's called a stiletto, and the things it's made out of are called pans." There are sexy wives, and kitchen wives, but poor Frank missed out on both. 24/08/20 20:27:24	11

more captions

last comments (total: 928)

Clearly I've never watched this film all the way through. Here's the clip with the swamp of sadness.
https://youtu.be/YsKu3Jh5IAs?feature=shared

Stephen Bean

04/04/24
9:16am

comment on caption:
"Thanks for looking after my pot plants, Dave. Hopefully it takes your mind off the PTSD you suffer from watching The NeverEnding Story as a child." [James Lennox]

There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road...

Feel free to engage and finish this joke with a punchline if you please...or not

Glyn Evans

05/04/24
8:11pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Glyn, I’ve had a go at writing a joke about the English, Irish n Scottish chickens but it would take me a week to condense it down lol. The basic tag lines were, Hurry, pub soon to close, are you paying? No, two turn back, Scottish one finds out it’s only 10p a pint, crosses road, gets to the other side but a wall falls on him.
(Something, perhaps nothing like that, but it’s fun to play with 😂.

Wanted to add my favourite chicken crossing road joke. I’m sure most will know this but may like to be reminded again. 😳

A duck walked past a chicken who was about to cross the road. He said, “Don’t do it mate! You’ll never hear the end of it.”

I’ll get my kagool..

Karen Oakenfull

05/04/24
9:50pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Glyn - How about "There's an African chicken, an English chicken and a Chinese chicken crossing the road"? No punchline required wink

Karen - Nice one. Here's another: "Why did the rabbit cross the road? Because it was nailed to the chicken."

(caption author)

05/04/24
9:53pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

😂😂

Karen Oakenfull

05/04/24
9:55pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Lol, Karen, yes she's definitely going for the full set. But speaking of ponchos, she is lacking a Mexican...

[Oh dear, just went to upvote your comment and it's vanished, which makes mine incomprehensible. Much like many of my captions wink ]

(caption author)

05/04/24
10:24pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Here goes...

There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road. A Welsh chicken waltzes up, and asks "Why is it you always forget about us Welsh!?"

The Irish chicken urges the Scottish chicken and English chicken to continue saying "Don't turn back, leave her. It's best we get away from this Welsh farmyard as quickly as possible because if it's true what happens to sheep, imagine what they do to chickens!?"

Glyn Evans

06/04/24
10:11am

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Oh crap. This caption literally took me 6 minutes to write, and now I see it's a dupe ... No time to edit, so a nod to the earlier entry.

(caption author)

Thursday
8:11am