Sending private messages on this site is currently disabled due to abuse by spammers.

Please use the forum to send private messages instead.

	This Week				Last Week			All Time
	Quota	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank	Added	Score	Rank
Captions	88	18	37	#8	20	44	#14	5682	15463	#17
Photos			1	#6		5	#6	299	763	#6
Comments	19	4	3	#5	5	7	#2	1081	1684	#3
Forum Posts		2						53
Suggested Edits		2	2	#2	2	2	#2	16	24	#2
Tips		1	2	#1				1	2	#9

	This Week		Last Week		All Time
	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank	Voted	Rank
Captions	19	#15	28	#17	9026	#27
Photos			15	#5	833	#21
Comments	5	#3	4	#3	1833	#5
Forum Posts
Suggested Edits					17	#2
Tips					1	#4

captions comments received captioned photos

captions

	"Cut! This isn't working. Maybe we should try that laser sword idea after all?" 12/09/21 20:56:53	16

	lol creative Users have been experiencing weird error messages when trying to vote for certain captions. To help identify the problem, please try voting for this test caption. [admin@caption.me.nigeria] 26/08/21 21:20:59	2 16
You won't fool me, I'm posting anonymously. The only thing I trust people from Nigeria with is my bank account number. [anon] --Willie Johnson
	"What are you celebrating?" "Breathing!" 12/08/21 8:05:59	1 16
Having got through Covid, I can identify with that. --Molly R
	"Here's five bucks kid," said Tina from Doncaster. "It's been a while." 17/04/21 20:58:08	16

	"🎵 Karma, karma, karma, karma, karma chamele..." "Stop it." 06/03/21 20:00:44	1 16
Stop it, it's bad karma. --Willie Johnson
	It was Alvin's coke habit that caused the band to break up. 04/03/21 20:13:45	16

	lol Bloody Royal Mail. You post something 65 million years in advance and it still arrives a month late. 25/01/21 12:59:28	1 16

	lol x2 This takes me back to the old days before internet porn, when the centrespread in National Geographic would have to suffice. 17/12/20 20:34:15	16

	lol We've all hugged the toilet once or twice in our lives. Susan, however, took it to a whole new level. 29/03/20 9:17:00	16

	Funny, I dated a vegetarian once and she didn't like little willies. 01/03/20 8:37:20	16

	"Good thinking Ahmed, this trip across the Sahara will be much better with air-conditioning." 16/02/20 20:03:32	16

	And in his spare time Spiderman helps Gulliver floss. 07/02/20 13:01:19	16

	clever Jim Henson's kids didn't even know he existed till they turned 5. 03/03/24 20:13:46, edited: 03/03/24 20:20:37	2 15
I liked the original caption more! 🙂 --KT A
	lol "Thanks, Dave, I needed that. Now if you could just pass me my robes and scythe we'll get on with things." 26/02/24 12:12:16	15

	🎵 The Leader of the Alpaca 🎵 14/01/24 8:02:13, edited: 14/01/24 8:08:06	15

	"Listen, Harold. I was cleaning the bathroom and I found your nose in the sink again. We've discussed this." 08/01/24 20:31:20	15

	Unfortunately there was an Afro in front of her. 17/12/23 8:09:40, edited: 17/12/23 8:40:32	15

	I don't think it's a real car. It looks phoney. 02/11/23 12:04:02, edited: 02/11/23 12:21:47	15

	"Ah, here's your problem. You have a big red arrow stuck in your knee." 18/09/23 20:14:22	1 15

	That bloody Al Overy and his caption.me prizes. 10/09/23 8:04:13	15

	"SHOAL!!!" 29/08/23 12:11:08	15

	-"Could I please have a large cone with sprinkles?" -"Ah, no, sorry, we're an ambulance, not an ice-cream van." -"Oh, my apologies, I'm a cow, I can't read." 20/08/23 8:32:52	2 15
After that remark, your captioneer friends are going to buy you an ice cream. Erm. --Al Overy
	"And that was Li Hong Ko performing a triple twist double somersault inverted tuck. Next up, we have Tina from Doncaster." 06/03/23 8:13:43	15

	lol "For Crissake, there's no need to call Social Services, the damn baby isn't even mine." 31/01/23 20:08:36	15

	"Nah, that's rubbish," said Walt Disney. "Let's try dogs and spaghetti." 01/11/22 8:00:55, edited: 01/11/22 8:04:08	1 15
Disney are really cutting corners with their live action remakes. --Mark Cowling
	"Sure, it stings now, but you'll thank me when you're grown up and immune to jellyfish." 06/10/22 12:04:54, edited: 06/10/22 12:13:33	15

	When she sobered up, Rose suddenly wished for an iceberg. 10/08/22 14:16:38	15

	Later that evening... 🙁🥴😠🤮 18/05/22 8:27:06	15

	lol clever "Chris Beach certainly has an eclectic record collection." "Yes, but my gut says there's some subtle common theme..." 13/05/22 14:37:30	1 15

	Despite her abnormal childhood, Susan grew up to be a perfectly normal serial killer. 04/11/21 12:07:00	1 15
There's a few serial killers you have to watch, they're a bit strange. Not from around these parts. --Glyn Evans
	lol "Put down the knife, Davy, and let's discuss this silly hat idea." 18/10/21 12:20:10	15

	Mittens was later convicted by concrete evidence. 07/10/21 20:08:30	15

	creative The downside of early photography was the long exposure time. 24/02/21 20:13:42	1 15
Those baby photographers take forever. --Willie Johnson
	Upon returning from a piss, Dave suddenly realised he'd re-entered the auditorium through the wrong door. 21/12/20 8:40:26	15

	Deer Lord... 06/12/20 20:00:51	15

	I wish we could return to the good old days, when women took ironing seriously. 10/09/20 8:21:35	15

	lol It's obviously a Salvador BaalÃ. 07/09/20 8:00:36	15

	lol That awkward first date moment, when she wants you to regurgitate food into her mouth, but you're not sure if you should. 19/07/20 8:14:06	3 15
You'd think that no matter how inebriated someone got, that they wouldn't eat someone else's vomit - however it wouldn't surprise me if someone somewhere had a story like that to tell. --Glyn Evans
	The top half looks good, but dig a little deeper and you'll find she's got crabs. 29/05/20 20:14:51	15

	Warning, terrible pun ahead, brace yourselves. 24/03/20 20:24:26	1 15
OrthoDON'Tics --Scrijjy Doo
	My wife wanted a baby, I wanted a fridge magnet, we compromised. 26/06/19 8:00:40	15

	lol Scientists at CERN say it's nothing to worry about. 23/03/19 13:42:05	15

	clever He's been driving around in circles for ages. 20/02/19 12:00:19	15

	lol It was a hell of a laugh until Boris the bull turned up. 28/03/24 8:02:57	14

	"Any requests? I'm very familiar with Queen." 04/01/24 8:04:51	14

	lol Oh for God's sake, not another photo of an old lady carrying an umbrella while riding a skateboard! 13/10/23 8:01:09	2 14
Yes, make it the norm. It could be the norm. Please...I could advertise for more photos of old ladies carrying umbrellas riding skateboards.However I could be mistaken for a pervert so I'd better put a NOT A PERVERT disclaimer --Glyn Evans
	"Excellent, Mr. Smith, your elbow is healing well. You can pass me my clothes back now." 18/09/23 20:33:44, edited: 18/09/23 20:35:26	14

	"Excuse me, miss, I'm the caption.me photographer. Could you move aside so I can take a picture of that cat?" 02/09/23 8:11:13	14

	lol Not another cat picture. 09/08/23 20:19:52	14

	"Ok, Dave, I'll move them. Just stop peeing on my arm." 04/07/23 20:01:46	2 14

	"Take that off, Dave, you look like a foal." 11/06/23 20:34:40	14

	- 21 - Hung like a horse - Sexual deviant - Behind you 25/02/23 8:00:16	1 14
Nod to my dating profile. --Tony S
	What happens in the barn, stays in the barn. 12/11/22 20:06:08	14

	"Give me your basket, bitch!" demanded Little Red Riding Hoodlum. 26/08/22 8:11:50	14

	"Well, those seats are novel." 16/08/22 8:04:17, edited: 16/08/22 8:08:51	1 14

	lol creative "...and this is a 5 month pregnant woman balancing a Jacobean nursing chair on her chin." Some people take shadow puppetry too seriously. 23/06/22 20:30:52	4 14
Cheers, Al. I reckon this would be a great month for Chris to do something totally spontaneous and pick a winner from the middle of the pack ;) --James Lennox
	"At the time of the explosion the seat was up, so we know the perpetrator was a male. Sticky finger marks suggest he was right handed. And judging by the shoeprints we can tell he wears a size 9 1/2." "Very good, Watson, but you're missing one important fact." "What's that, Holmes?" "This is Caption.me. The perpetrator was obviously Dave." 20/06/22 21:53:21	14

	clever "Dad, I can't breathe!" "Son, shuffle back and give your sister some room." 18/02/22 8:50:49	14

	"Mittens, honey, I've got good news and bad. The good news is I have that pesky mouse cornered..." 01/02/22 20:10:14	14

	"Where on earth is the bow?" "At the front." 17/11/21 9:04:49	14

	The Invisible Man still has nightmares about the time he caught Spiderman masturbating. 30/10/21 10:04:25	2 14
He's no longer the Invisible Man, now he's more like See-man --Glyn Evans
	Good news! The members of caption.me have all chipped in to help solve your problem! Here's 942 cats. 11/10/21 20:06:35	1 14
That's one cat at £1000 each... --Glyn Evans
	"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in." 06/08/21 20:00:26	14

	"Those bugs have eluded me so far, but something tells me they're f#cking close." 25/05/21 20:47:45	14

	"We're not wearing anything Dave, but if you're shy come in your shorts." "I have." 09/03/21 12:00:39	14

	Fortunately the North Korean nuclear threat wasn't all it had been cracked up to be. 22/02/21 8:22:01	14

	lol Dave loved riding lightning rods during hurricanes. He did it well. We'll miss you Dave. 14/01/21 8:07:10	2 14
Please change it back. I thought "We'll miss you Dave" was punchier, but you decide. --Glyn Evans
	It's a wonder of nature how sunflowers always turn to face the camera. 08/11/20 20:09:23	14

	"Honey, remember how 9 months ago I told you I was abducted by aliens..." 29/09/20 8:03:18	14

	When your remote falls down the back of the pouch. 24/08/20 12:05:55	1 14

	Gloves and mask are required PPE - Lab coat is optional. 30/04/20 8:03:23	14

	I hope to move here, I'm sick of living in Wanking. 16/04/20 20:19:03	14

	To: parents@gmail.com "I have your children. Will exchange for 6 rolls of bog paper and a bottle of hand sanitiser. Do you agree with these terms?" To: kidnapper@gmail.com "Nah, keep them." 31/03/20 13:07:22	14

	clever Hot Tin Roof on a Cat 20/03/20 12:38:53	2 14
(I like it the way it is.) --Crunchy Chords
	Pareidolia is a psychological phenomenon that causes people to see faces in everyday things, unless you're a Captioneer and then you see tits and penises. 27/02/20 20:12:02	1 14
If you're a captioneer, there actually ARE faces in everyday things. --Willie Johnson
	lol Never give bubblegum to your dog. 16/01/20 23:35:44	3 14
Well played Mr Lennox. Brilliant caption! --Karyn Harrison
	Well, the ventriloquism was good, but have you thought about getting a smaller dummy? 04/09/19 8:02:16	14

	"No Sweetie, put it down ... we have to cook it first." 20/08/19 20:00:13	3 14
Had the same idea but decided to change mine slightly at the last minute! (damn it)! Here, have a vote, I've disguised my vote as a golf ball, ready, steady, FORE...smack, (sails through the trees and down the fairway like meteor destined for hap... --The Wolf
	I retract my earlier caption: THIS is the tackiest toilet I've ever seen. 24/04/19 20:09:10	14

	creative Replace your groin armour now Stormtrooper #66! 26/01/19 12:12:44	14

	"Ok, as I can now see my arse, I probably was spinning on my office chair a little too fast." Sat 8:21:56	1 13
I don't think any meaning of the word fast applies to her - unless she is stuck in her chair --Mr Dome
	For those who love feeling the grass between their toes, but hate stepping in dog shit. 23/03/24 20:17:52	13

	The Strolling Stones 30/12/23 12:05:31, edited: 30/12/23 12:15:12	13

	Dragging Queens 05/12/23 8:05:36	13

	No Bat Nursery would be complete without a Bat Mobile. 11/08/23 8:13:58	13

	Dave has always had a tendency to pose. It's a poor trait. 02/05/23 8:12:53	13

	"I don't care how long it takes, one day I will get a winning caption." 27/03/23 20:00:11	3 13
"I just need to think of something humerous." --Crunchy Chords
	Happens all the time when couples get old. Pops buys a caravan, and Nan dyes her hare pink. 02/09/22 8:06:45	13

	"... and this one commemorates my 50th wedding anniversary." "My God, you've been married 50 years?" "No, I've been married 50 times." 06/04/22 20:45:10	13

	"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologise for the sudden loss of cabin pressure, but everything is now under control, and rest assured, stewardess Nancy can hang on to that wing for hours." 22/03/22 13:11:05	1 13

	Chair coverings were deemed appropriate, given Buster's romantic history with furniture legs. 03/01/22 20:42:28	1 13

	lol "Hi, Steve from Surrey, enjoys long walks in the park, looking for a man who likes rubber, spikes, and barking like a dog?" "No, I'm Bill Rockwell, photographer." "Oh, forget I said anything." 29/10/21 23:37:16	13

	"No parking space again! I'm going to have a word with those clowns next door." 10/08/21 20:09:57	13

	creative This joyous day was squawked about for years at the local seagull colony. 01/08/21 20:54:49	13

	Don't do it. It's false advertising. 22/07/21 8:01:33	13

	"I SAID, YOUR LIPSTICK IS ON WONKY! Oh, I give up, she's obviously deaf as a post." 17/07/21 8:13:05	13

	Staging this photo was expensive. It cost Lucy from wardrobe an arm and a leg. 09/05/21 20:10:50	13

	"That's just life son, they've stopped mum and I from swinging too." 19/02/21 20:10:50	2 13

	lol "Barry, you're twenty-seven, don't you think it's time you left home?" 14/02/21 20:16:24	1 13
"I'm not Barry, and I have left home." --Willie Johnson
	"I'll be late home, I've got a mountain of paperwork to get through." 26/01/21 20:00:06	13

more captions

last comments (total: 930)

Glyn, I’ve had a go at writing a joke about the English, Irish n Scottish chickens but it would take me a week to condense it down lol. The basic tag lines were, Hurry, pub soon to close, are you paying? No, two turn back, Scottish one finds out it’s only 10p a pint, crosses road, gets to the other side but a wall falls on him.
(Something, perhaps nothing like that, but it’s fun to play with 😂.

Wanted to add my favourite chicken crossing road joke. I’m sure most will know this but may like to be reminded again. 😳

A duck walked past a chicken who was about to cross the road. He said, “Don’t do it mate! You’ll never hear the end of it.”

I’ll get my kagool..

Karen Oakenfull

05/04/24
9:50pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Glyn - How about "There's an African chicken, an English chicken and a Chinese chicken crossing the road"? No punchline required wink

Karen - Nice one. Here's another: "Why did the rabbit cross the road? Because it was nailed to the chicken."

(caption author)

05/04/24
9:53pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

😂😂

Karen Oakenfull

05/04/24
9:55pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Lol, Karen, yes she's definitely going for the full set. But speaking of ponchos, she is lacking a Mexican...

[Oh dear, just went to upvote your comment and it's vanished, which makes mine incomprehensible. Much like many of my captions wink ]

(caption author)

05/04/24
10:24pm

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Here goes...

There's an Irish chicken, a Scottish chicken and an English chicken crossing the road. A Welsh chicken waltzes up, and asks "Why is it you always forget about us Welsh!?"

The Irish chicken urges the Scottish chicken and English chicken to continue saying "Don't turn back, leave her. It's best we get away from this Welsh farmyard as quickly as possible because if it's true what happens to sheep, imagine what they do to chickens!?"

Glyn Evans

06/04/24
10:11am

comment on caption:
Wokeists insist all old jokes must be rewritten. [James Lennox]

Oh crap. This caption literally took me 6 minutes to write, and now I see it's a dupe ... No time to edit, so a nod to the earlier entry.

(caption author)

11/04/24
8:11am

comment on caption:
"So, Dave, how is marriage to a mermaid?" "Crap. I can't breath underwater. There's sharks everywhere. And my wife has no sexual organs." [James Lennox]

He received a 21-pun salute off his friends on the caption site.

[anon]

11/04/24
8:26pm

comment on caption:
"...and so, as we commit Dave to the grave, we remember his great loves, machines of war, and tropical fish." [James Lennox]

I don't think any meaning of the word fast applies to her - unless she is stuck in her chair

Mr Dome

Saturday
9:47am

comment on caption:
"Ok, as I can now see my arse, I probably was spinning on my office chair a little too fast." [James Lennox]

Bloody hell. My wife just decided to talk to me about netball for 10 minutes, so now I probably owe a nod to 8:26:46. Mine was independent though, and more sordid, so will leave it.

(caption author)

Tuesday
8:35am