Peter decided to let his marionette take the free kick.

Whilst his friends enjoyed a barbeque, Tom went for a microwave.

Dead Riding Hood

I think you may have misunderstood, sir, they're demonstrating against the use of MINES!

Hmmm, this one's a little tough, hand me the 10mm spanner, Keith.

Jesus, not wanting to get his new trainers wet, goes for a stroll.

Excuse me. I wonder if you might have seen a little dog - brown and white, long hair, answers to the name of Lucky?

"There's your problem," said the man from the AA. "Your battery's dead."

Beached buggy

Japansies

To maintain your bear do, wash with Winnie the Shampoo.

Hobscotch

1950: 3 year old Lisa was sentenced to life in prison for un-American activities.

Smoke Gets In Your Flies

Paul was exhausted.

Waddle it be?

The designs for the interior of the new Route Master buses were a little ostentatious.

When it came to the news, Philip would rather be kept in the dark.

Midwife crisis.

PC Tips

The Dragons weren't impressed by the 'personal attack ears' and wouldn't be investing.

Raymond's attempts to catch himself a bunny girl were misplaced.

Frank Spencer's application to the SAS was rejected.

Six jars of pickled eggs later, Toby 'Iron Gut' Thompson's flatmate regrets making the bet.

As the car reversed, Jemima's shout of "Duck" was sadly and horrifically misinterpreted.

"You know what's gonna happen when the dog stops chewing?"
"Frayed knot!"

Liam made his move but was horrified to discover that he'd been flirting with the male lead singer of an '80s heavy metal band.

Katie hated ordering online when it was just as easy to go to her nearest branch and pick what she liked.

Anna, part witch, in a chair tree.

"You ain't seen me, right?"

Kebab with chips Honda side.

I prefer to keep my face covered as I'm a little sensitive about the shape of my head.

Finn the goldfish had made a desperate leap for freedom but Lucy's mum had seen where he landed.

 1

New boyband 'H1N1' suddenly realised that their choice of name and title of their first single may not have been the best decisions as it turned out that 97 per cent of the people in the queue weren't there to buy their record after all.

comments (total: 1)

01

Too long! Keith McClory

Keith McClory

02/03/10
05:35pm

No seriously, behind you!

"Excuse me, this one's occupied. Could you close the door please? I can't go while you're watching."

"Blackenstein," the follow up to the 1972 "Blacula," failed to revive the Blaxploitation genre.

Howard's condom fitted like a glove.

When her other dogs had died, Tina had put them to good use. The only thing missing now was a matching hat.

Since his top teeth had been removed, Alan's bark was worse than his bite.

Kelly the trombonist was always the butt of the orchesta's practical jokes.

When Dave checked out the window he could see it was almost full moon.

As the girl-on-girl action got underway, Paul the chippy couldn't help but be distracted by the quality of the ceiling.

Rush hour in paradise

Unable to match the Aladdin triumph, Genie hit the bottle.

Pyromaniquack

Ghost, writer.

I haven't got it. I thought you were supposed to bring the ball.

It turns out that O'Malley and Sons Builders had the helter skelter plans upside down.

Tinkerbell's boyfriend reached third base.