From the welcome message on the display it was clearly made in China.

"Now you see, your light wasn't working because this is a melon, not a light bulb".

"And in sport today, a mid-race collision between the two top jet boat contenders saw Jesus, son of God, run on by to take a comfortable first place victory and three points to go top of the table".

"Hey, I don't mean to boast, but let's just say they put a 'choking hazard' sticker on my box".

After complaining that 'this porridge is too hot', or 'this porridge is too cold', Mommy Bear gave them all a black eye and told them to 'get on with it'.

As heckles went, it was new to Mike.

The south prepares for Barrack's campaign trail visit.

Under Labour's new plans the retirement age for men will be upped to around 65 million years.

Stop. Hammer time.

Ig-loo.

Issuing police with the power of 'talk to the hand' was just stirring up further issues within the community.

Evidence emerged this week suggesting that Labour's poor performance at the EU elections was due to the elaborate voting system at polling stations.

"This episode of Sesame Street was brought to you by the letters, R.I.P".

With the internet down for maintenance, those who ventured outside for the first time since its inception were painfully obvious.

The first episode of "Intergalactic Wife Swap" had a rather unexpected twist, but an altogether happy ending.

"Coming up next on ITV, Gardening For Paraplegics".

Jim wasn't one to kiss and tell. Mainly because of his dentures and Alzheimers respectively.

 2

"I like big mutts and I cannot lie".

comments (total: 2)

01

Ha, like it! Was that by Sir Winalot?

Steve Hann

24/05/11
06:20pm

00

Ha! Probably was!

(caption author)

24/05/11
06:23pm

A waist of fruit if you ask me.

Arthur misunderstood dogging in your car.

She really sucked at playing the keyboard.

Old and feeble, Pacman liked to sit at home and relive his golden years.

The 'Catfish Experience' wasn't all it was hyped up to be.

Campaign poster for Caption Competition tells down voters to 'shove their thumbs up their arse'.

Having pulled him over for speeding, Gina prepared for the cavity search.

Unfortunately they never got any further as neither of them were able to make the first move.

Jordan's old bra wireframes make excellent playground features. Additionally, when she dies, Jordan has said she "plans to donate her face to help make a sub-standard leather sofa".

Swallowing the bubble gum had been worth a chuckle at the time. But passing it was proving quite strenuous.

99% of people see a vase in this picture. However, people who are clinically insane see two Asian people with a ball between their heads.

Life lesson number four: Don't eat bananas on the roof.

In the Intergalactic Olympics of 3060 the shape shifters of Omicron Persei 8 were impossible to beat at 'Rock, Paper, Scissors'.

Woman gives birth to fully grown man in local dustbin.

A rejected album cover for Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon".

An example of a 'You Are Here' map for crabs.

"Ah Betty, let 'em think we're mad! We both know there's invisible budgies on our fingers! It's them what's mad I tells ya!"

CERN switched on their 'mini black hole' creator today, promptly revealing it's secret location.

Sadly the downturn in clothes sales thanks to the British recession, has led to increasing levels of manikin suicide.

 1

Coppers are often known for walking the beat.

comments (total: 1)

00

we should be so lucky lol

Ian Skelding

29/07/10
07:56pm

Today on Trisha; "David Copperfield ruined my life".

Ted hated being a doorman during the January sales.

"It's strange, whenever I take a picture of Damien, the 'red eye' removal doesn't seem to work."

Superman he may have been, but as Lois asked him to deal with the spider in the bathroom, his shortcomings were unveiled.

You should never foot your ladder on the roof of a car.

She was trying to chat up the camera man, but the hair dresser was crimping her style.

After a rise in fraud, banks replace pin numbers with secret handshakes.

Time Travel.

The design committee responsible for The Millennium Dome and The London Eye reconvene to discuss possible 2012 Olympic plans.

Illegal aliens.

Ever since Christmas had been unionised, annual strikes against the quality of mince pies left out over night had become more frequent and increasingly elaborate.

"Dear Persil. Getting your white clothes whiter is all well and good...".