Rover is the first dog in the UK to get a student loan

... and you must be Private Parts

At last - a white wine which goes with chicken nuggets

Today's Sesame Street is brought to you by the letter B

Five seconds later, his teammate delivered the Wedgie of the Season

... because amphetamine thieves operate in this area

Lenin started posing for his trademark statues at a very early age

Not a good idea for children brought up on scratch n'sniff books ...

Ben and Jerry's advertising team are very optimistic about the company's new Valium n'Raisin flavour

The houseowners have upgraded to colour TV but they still prefer their old black-and-white cat

"Yes, officer, I did take out a house insurance policy this morning. Why do you ask?"

'If anyone comes in, we're stuffed!'

Look, mate, I'm only dressed up as a spicy sausage, the Wurst is yet to come ...

Tourists would gather on the beach at dusk for the lowering of the Union Flag

The nursery school's new health and safety officer is somewhat overzealous

He used to be Captain of the Guards before he went downhill ...

A dog is for Christmas, not just for life

Ministers traditionally get a couple of hours off after a Cabinet meeting

After the unfortunate "snagging" incident, Tarzan stopped trying to change his image and reverted to his original loincloth look

Adidas executives think their latest ad campaign is changing the public's opinion of rivals Nike

Adults must wear formal dress

Early identification of talent is crucial for the manager of the Chinese Olympic Limbo team

'I'll give you another black eye if you don't pack it in!'

On the way home from the pub, Jim makes the mistake of buying an undercooked kebab

The English Civil War was becoming too civilised, all because of The Health and Safety at War Act (1644)

These days, Mr Chipov struggles with the old block

Him: Did the earth move for you, darling?
Her: Yes, but not for the reason you're thinking ...

The controversial initiation ceremony for Bambooholics Anonymous

Young Royalty Training School. Day 38. Asking people what they are doing. (Acknowledgement to Christionion for the inspiration)

A rare photo from the set of "Planet of the Apes", just before Roddy McDowall complained about the performance of his stunt double

Ray Mears' attempt at a rain dance worked surprisingly well

There were several problems during the beta testing phase for the adult educational website www.kama_sutra.com

Gina failed to notice the spontaneous combustion of the pepperoni on the top shelf

The word on the street ...

Action from World Indoor Quidditch Championship 2008

The Andrex puppy goes off the rails - soft, strong but very, very wrong

This position doesn't work - my arse is still cold

Jim's car has two new wings

Neville opted for a low-carb alternative for his chip on the shoulder and went for duck instead

Scientists use new technology to assess Muralitharan's controversial bowling action

(one for cricket fans, otherwise ignore)

Dog left a fortune in owner's will goes to bank to check on hedge funds

Relate's new marriage guidance counselling methodology is rather controversial

I think that someone has switched our eyedrops for Superglue

The Swiss Army Cocktail, like the Knife, is expensive but superior.

The Stormtrooper Captain admitted the embarrassing sat-nav error on local TV. "Aldeburgh and Alderaan are next to each other in the Galactic Index and we are sorry for the inconvenience caused by the destruction of your Earth bathing huts."

The Big Brother housemates failed every task, with disastrous consequences for the shopping budget

'Dire Straits' re-form with only half the original band, and so they are now simply 'Dire'

Quite understandably, Rover hates cat-and-mouse games

A bird in the sandwich is worth two in the crust

Her agent had made a mistake. 'Singing on the telly in Wales' turned out to be clinging to the belly of a whale ...