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Dan Nicholls Vote score: 10172Dan Nicholls

Warning: May contain nuts.

06/08/18 14:04:19

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 2024Chris Keegan

“Darling, just to let you know, I’m bringing someone back for dinner tonight”

06/08/18 12:00:20

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

For all the man-eaters out there.

06/08/18 12:30:12

 
Tina  Flowers Vote score: 332Tina Flowers

Great for a Son-day roast

06/08/18 14:06:38

 
Carey Sutton Vote score: 175Carey Sutton

Playing chicken

06/08/18 13:44:44

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7617Leroy Brown

I prefer dark meat.

06/08/18 12:20:44

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7617Leroy Brown

Can I get this with a 6 pack?

06/08/18 12:14:20

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 6063Pussy Galore

How can they call them free range when they've spent all their lives in a tower block?

06/08/18 12:01:55

 
Chris Halliwell Vote score: 4325Chris Halliwell

Not going cheep by the looks of it.

06/08/18 13:11:17

 
Pete  Vote score: 18115Pete

"I've got a takeaway, darling. Is Chinese chow men OK?"

06/08/18 12:25:04

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 72J Gaskill

NO shoes
NO shirt
NO dressing

06/08/18 18:33:06

 
Mr Dome  Vote score: 4817Mr Dome

- What’s for dessert?
- Spotted Dick

06/08/18 14:32:31

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7617Leroy Brown

Stu

06/08/18 12:31:11

 
Chris Keegan Vote score: 2024Chris Keegan

Tesco's introduce an innovative way to clear criminals from our streets once they have passed their cell by date.

06/08/18 22:22:06

 
Glyn Evans Vote score: 4634Glyn Evans

Why it's not wise to do yoga at the packing plant...

06/08/18 19:51:28

 
Neil Mackenzie Vote score: 8504Neil Mackenzie

Pacman

06/08/18 19:01:37

 
J Gaskill Vote score: 72J Gaskill

"Nice to MEAT you!"
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--NO."

06/08/18 18:30:51

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 141Karyn Harrison

Proof that prayer doesn't work.

06/08/18 16:15:31

 
Vivvy En Vote score: 2631Vivvy En

"Delivery for Nancy Dell'Olio"

06/08/18 15:34:18

 
Sam Cass Vote score: 15Sam Cass

Half off on whole humans!

06/08/18 14:19:07

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 10172Dan Nicholls

I always said Kevin was a cock who was wrapped up in himself.

06/08/18 14:05:46

 
John  Glover Vote score: 17400John Glover

Colin had no idea what he was letting himself in for when he agreed to take the leading role in a Cling film.

06/08/18 13:44:21

 
stone face Vote score: 1217stone face

"I don't mind cooking the thing, but I ain't putting the stuffing in it."

06/08/18 13:43:28

 
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

Warning: May contain hip replacements

06/08/18 13:27:01

 2
I'd like to see him get in that position with hip replacements lol. ;)  --Pussy Galore
Dave Bryan Vote score: 1057Dave Bryan

''I'm glad to see Aunt Vera hasn't been left on the shelf.''

06/08/18 13:24:13

 
Dan Nicholls Vote score: 10172Dan Nicholls

"Oh Christ. It still has its giblets!"

06/08/18 13:24:08

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4833Greg Curtis

"Why are you always so fresh?"

06/08/18 12:59:56

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 141Karyn Harrison

This one was called Donald. Traces of fake tan may remain so rinse thoroughly before use.

06/08/18 12:54:16

 
Greg Curtis Vote score: 4833Greg Curtis

"He's been dating this wrapper."

06/08/18 12:49:01

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

"Cadaver body bag please?"

06/08/18 12:37:50

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7617Leroy Brown

Excuse me I'm looking for Fava beans and some Chianti...

06/08/18 12:36:18

 
Leroy Brown Vote score: 7617Leroy Brown

"Hi I'm Mr Ible but you can call me Ed"

06/08/18 12:27:59

 
Ian Skelding Vote score: 18863Ian Skelding

"Dammit Papa Jupiter, this new home delivery service takes away the thrill of the chase."

06/08/18 12:23:25

 
Karyn Harrison Vote score: 141Karyn Harrison

Bernard Matthews. Pre-stuffed. Bootiful!

06/08/18 12:21:07

 
Pete  Vote score: 18115Pete

"Can you microwave it?"
"No, but if you grab the hands you can Mexican wave it."

06/08/18 12:18:07

 
Tony Edwards Vote score: 26422Tony Edwards

Soylent Green Farm

06/08/18 12:13:59

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 6063Pussy Galore

"Mummy, I don't like Daddy."
"Well, leave him on the side of your plate and just eat the vegetables then."

06/08/18 12:11:54

 
Vanessa  the Guesser Vote score: 5503Vanessa the Guesser

"I can also confirm that he's boneless"

06/08/18 12:08:37

 
Michael Winner Vote score: 20480Michael Winner

"Do you have this in veal?"

06/08/18 12:07:01

 
Pussy Galore Vote score: 6063Pussy Galore

"And ten kilos of Paxo, please."

06/08/18 12:00:19

 
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